at forty-five minutes past nine in the morning, i said goodbye to my holiday curse, my tooth.
supposedly, i was to meet my dentist last tuesday but she wasn't feeling well so it was rescheduled. i can only sigh. this tooth has bugged me for more than a week now, spoiling my noche buena and noche buena aftermaths.
i had really not-so-good memories about my tooth getting pulled up by dental pliers. so, this is such a remorseful state on my part. havin your tooth extracted at the age of 26 when your tolerance for pain has long dissipated.
so when i was asked to sit and then gargle and keep my mouth open as though i have to swallow whole an entire tiramisu cake [by red ribbon, of course, my current fave, oh how i wish], i diverted my attention to something more horrifying - the mere thought of the bar examinations results. it was pleasurable.
our batch has kept this yahoo group account so as to keep ourselves updated on employment problems, application booboos and more chismis. one of my classmates, julie, said that somebody she knows from the supreme court whispered that the results will be out by may. however, another classmate, bruce, wrote that some professor [won't name names, hehe] said to him that it will be on the 2nd week of april. wow.
tin, okay lang ba?
it was my dentist. i was about to answer, "hindi po, kabadong kabado na po ako" when i realized that she was referring to my tooth. the left portion of my mouth has gone really numb, after the several shots of anesthesia that my dentist injected in my gums. i wish i can have my mind injected as well - only to keep myself numb from the idea that months from now, my future will be unfolded.
finally, it was gone. leaving one vacant lot of my lower left gum. it was still painful but i opted for a one-time-big-time pee-inducing pain than endure days of miniscule torture.
goodbye tooth.
hello ice cream. loads of ice cream. haay. if only there is an ice monster store nearby.
and yeah, hello bar results. same with my tooth extraction, i can only pray that you will never haunt me ever again. once is enough.
p.s. so tooth fairy, can i now make a wish? er, can you make it two? =)
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
thanks!
many thanks to the following people who greeted me last christmas [if youre not on the list, be very assured you'll be forgotten next year, hehe]:
rica, 09209251591, ethel, joyDiaz, brandon, deo, ara, joyceCastaneda, allanBusmente, nep, eric, bumbo, rheagregorio, ateJoLasan, janTejano, pamPulmano, jenCasimiro, graceAquino, chane, roxanne, atty.jpRefuerzo, genesis, jaja, jessica, jun, atty.moniqAlmeida, ian, rowie, joanCallos, atty.mariePahate, atty.dangMontemayor, laureen, thea, raphy, gailGeromo, tria, jackieBautista, 09213023333, albert, laiza, jenOlba, yayo, jet, ivyCalma, alisher, george, jongRodio, cha, ateEloi...
i sent an sms to the others and as expected they replied... these people took the initiative and spent a peso to greet me and wish me a happy Christmas. and it meant a lot. =D
rica, 09209251591, ethel, joyDiaz, brandon, deo, ara, joyceCastaneda, allanBusmente, nep, eric, bumbo, rheagregorio, ateJoLasan, janTejano, pamPulmano, jenCasimiro, graceAquino, chane, roxanne, atty.jpRefuerzo, genesis, jaja, jessica, jun, atty.moniqAlmeida, ian, rowie, joanCallos, atty.mariePahate, atty.dangMontemayor, laureen, thea, raphy, gailGeromo, tria, jackieBautista, 09213023333, albert, laiza, jenOlba, yayo, jet, ivyCalma, alisher, george, jongRodio, cha, ateEloi...
i sent an sms to the others and as expected they replied... these people took the initiative and spent a peso to greet me and wish me a happy Christmas. and it meant a lot. =D
merry christmas....despite an aching molar
merry christmas everyone!
better be late than never, as they always say.
in my case. this has been the rule and not just one of those darn cliches. hehehe.
minus the unpleasant sensation that this tiny fluoride-sucker cavity-hater tooth has been giving me since december 19th, my christmas was fantastic. the whole family, close relatives, the gifts, the food. let me not get so sentimental; otherwise, you might infer that this is all but a part of the many symptoms that indeed, i am getting old. =D
i hope Jesus was as happy as i am, moreso that it's His birthday. i was not able to get him the present as promised. but i hope that He will still accept late ones. =D besides, i know how happy He was that this sleep-hungry monster was able to complete the nine-day novena mass [aka misa de gallo] for His birthday. yipee! although i know, i can imagine Him scratching His head every 4am whenever He sees me snatching some sleep - during the Homily, or the prayer of the faithful, or the 1st reading. sorry po! and oh, by the way, did i mention that i was not even sitting during mass? =D
christmas is also a great time when you get to see and be with people you hardly get time to be with. last year, i remember seeing my entire december fully loaded with christmas parties, get-togethers and reunions. this year, i only had two. but these were just as special.
december 22nd. i met with carol, joyce and mayette at glorietta 4 to catch up on forgotten and never been shared chikas. i was two hours late. we were supposed to meet 12 noon and have lunch. unfortunately though, i woke up past 10 and was hurled with the SLEX heavy traffic on my way to makati. tuloy, i was penalized. =) after a few chitty chats, we went to starbucks for mayette's stickers and made more chitty chats - ranging from the kalokohan of our blockmates during 1st year, the still kalokokohan during last year's ever first block reunion, the diminishing popularity of some chief of a lion's den, school stuffs, bar worries and with the latter of course, we have to shift to talkin about our block, 1J.
ours was a really special block. first year, college of law, san beda. seemed too serious? nah. hilarious will perfectly decribe the many escapades that our nine-female-and-the-rest-is male section has undergone. from a flying bat captured in our room, to the synchronized 'happy birthday' ringtone that caused the ire of a prof at the adjacent room, the drinking bouts... the memories of those happy 'gago' moments with our block will surely outlast the provisions we have etched in our minds.
next stop.
after the long overdue meeting with my hairstylist paolo at fix salon [christmas gift for myself hehe] and my 'make-me-look-as-if-im-one-bella-flores session with the eyebrow 'threader' [hehe,if there is such a word],i met with my UP friends/orgmates, my fellow sandiganistas at the recipes, GB3. we were supposed to meet at 7pm. i came in an hour late. at least i am consistent!!! =D
there, after five long years of not seeing them [well, you can make it 'almost six' after i have been really dq-ish on my fourth year in up], blue, betong and rhea, monds and christine, and later on, mommy twinx! boy i was so happy relinquishing the tambay moments, the asaran... sobrang saya. there were lots of catchin up, especially on my part and i was so happy to be with them again. but there were not-so-goody stories as well. we went home before 12am. bitin. there's work the following day pa [ako lang ata bum, hehe] so we were left with no choice but to part ways early. twinx drove me home, which gave us more chika time. well, i am just as hopeful that this isn't the last! =D
uh-oh, have to sleep. there'll be tooth eviction in a few hours.
better be late than never, as they always say.
in my case. this has been the rule and not just one of those darn cliches. hehehe.
minus the unpleasant sensation that this tiny fluoride-sucker cavity-hater tooth has been giving me since december 19th, my christmas was fantastic. the whole family, close relatives, the gifts, the food. let me not get so sentimental; otherwise, you might infer that this is all but a part of the many symptoms that indeed, i am getting old. =D
i hope Jesus was as happy as i am, moreso that it's His birthday. i was not able to get him the present as promised. but i hope that He will still accept late ones. =D besides, i know how happy He was that this sleep-hungry monster was able to complete the nine-day novena mass [aka misa de gallo] for His birthday. yipee! although i know, i can imagine Him scratching His head every 4am whenever He sees me snatching some sleep - during the Homily, or the prayer of the faithful, or the 1st reading. sorry po! and oh, by the way, did i mention that i was not even sitting during mass? =D
christmas is also a great time when you get to see and be with people you hardly get time to be with. last year, i remember seeing my entire december fully loaded with christmas parties, get-togethers and reunions. this year, i only had two. but these were just as special.
december 22nd. i met with carol, joyce and mayette at glorietta 4 to catch up on forgotten and never been shared chikas. i was two hours late. we were supposed to meet 12 noon and have lunch. unfortunately though, i woke up past 10 and was hurled with the SLEX heavy traffic on my way to makati. tuloy, i was penalized. =) after a few chitty chats, we went to starbucks for mayette's stickers and made more chitty chats - ranging from the kalokohan of our blockmates during 1st year, the still kalokokohan during last year's ever first block reunion, the diminishing popularity of some chief of a lion's den, school stuffs, bar worries and with the latter of course, we have to shift to talkin about our block, 1J.
ours was a really special block. first year, college of law, san beda. seemed too serious? nah. hilarious will perfectly decribe the many escapades that our nine-female-and-the-rest-is male section has undergone. from a flying bat captured in our room, to the synchronized 'happy birthday' ringtone that caused the ire of a prof at the adjacent room, the drinking bouts... the memories of those happy 'gago' moments with our block will surely outlast the provisions we have etched in our minds.
next stop.
after the long overdue meeting with my hairstylist paolo at fix salon [christmas gift for myself hehe] and my 'make-me-look-as-if-im-one-bella-flores session with the eyebrow 'threader' [hehe,if there is such a word],i met with my UP friends/orgmates, my fellow sandiganistas at the recipes, GB3. we were supposed to meet at 7pm. i came in an hour late. at least i am consistent!!! =D
there, after five long years of not seeing them [well, you can make it 'almost six' after i have been really dq-ish on my fourth year in up], blue, betong and rhea, monds and christine, and later on, mommy twinx! boy i was so happy relinquishing the tambay moments, the asaran... sobrang saya. there were lots of catchin up, especially on my part and i was so happy to be with them again. but there were not-so-goody stories as well. we went home before 12am. bitin. there's work the following day pa [ako lang ata bum, hehe] so we were left with no choice but to part ways early. twinx drove me home, which gave us more chika time. well, i am just as hopeful that this isn't the last! =D
uh-oh, have to sleep. there'll be tooth eviction in a few hours.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
hiatus
i am back.
after two months of blog-hibernating, and numerous blogables to be immortalized in an entry, i have decided that it is high time that i awaken my now snoring blog account. so many events had passed; all of which summoned entirely different emotions. inexplicable, to say the least.
hence, let me recapitulate what was i up to for the last two months by enumerating what have i learned, if any, from those experiences...
i have learned and realized that...
1. that being a mom is one huge responsibility, which cannot be messed up because it cannot hardly be redone.
i have spent weeks taking over mom's chores and i was sooo exhausted i barely had the time to watch my favorite shows on tv. i had to get up as early as 4 in the morning to prepare dad, ate and my nephew's breakfast. it's difficult to cook especially for a person like me who wasn't domestically-engined. yeah, i was raised as an "eater" and never the "cook." it was harder thinking about the menu for the day. and i realized that i would think a hundred, or even a million of times if i will ever go for motherhood.
2.that cooking is a good way of workin out those flabs.
be it fried, nilaga, tinola, sinigang, sopas, or just rice, i have learned them all! hmpf! =D however, i do not eat whatever i have cooked. i dunno, they just taste so different.
3. it is scary being a woman.
mom had a hysterectomy last october 22, a saturday, 7 in the morning, at the asian hospital. her entire uterus had to be removed so as to eradicate the possibility of cancerous cells growin [can't explain it well, ala-omar,hehe]. with GOD's help and thru the prayers of family and friends, she is now okay and had a speedy recovery. while i was in college, she had a DNC [aka 'raspa'] and she had undergone the same before her uterus were removed. her obstetrician-gynecologist explained that women must undergo tests and check-ups of their reproductive system regularly, whether married or not. good heavens naman! we, women, had to suffer for 9 long months to give birth to our husbands' mini-clones and still had to look after these longganisa-looking reproductive organs [segway, i just found out that the uterus pala are so small, parang the size of a small basin lang, but they expand talaga to the extent of carrying fetuses, amazing!]. the many strengths talaga of the women. hehe.
4. things are a lot better when i was in highschool.
since mom had to rest and i took the helm, i was the one who had to accompany and send my nephew to school every morning. the feeling was unexpected. i miss school. i miss my highschool days. the early flag ceremonies, the resounding sermon that the teachers and administrators flood our ears with, the anticipation of seeing crushes... haaay... sweet highschool. but seeing the "kids" nowadays [read:teeners], i let out a deep sigh and realize that nothing compares to what i had. sure we were soooo baduy back then and things are simpler. but the simpler things are far less complicated. kids now are trendier and more in touch with the wonders of technology but, can it outbest the thrill there is in handwritten letters and notes, unfussy fads to deal with and cheap joys?
5. in the employment kingdom, underbars and single-degree holders are just the same insects. only that, the former can apply in call center companies and not feel devastated.
i am speechless. =D i cannot pass this opportunity to make an entry for this.
two months in the outside world.
p.s. many thanks to those who sneaked in for updates --- moniq,demz and tokti.
and hi alish, welcome to my world! =D feel free to comment, no liabilities,i promise! hehe =D
after two months of blog-hibernating, and numerous blogables to be immortalized in an entry, i have decided that it is high time that i awaken my now snoring blog account. so many events had passed; all of which summoned entirely different emotions. inexplicable, to say the least.
hence, let me recapitulate what was i up to for the last two months by enumerating what have i learned, if any, from those experiences...
i have learned and realized that...
1. that being a mom is one huge responsibility, which cannot be messed up because it cannot hardly be redone.
i have spent weeks taking over mom's chores and i was sooo exhausted i barely had the time to watch my favorite shows on tv. i had to get up as early as 4 in the morning to prepare dad, ate and my nephew's breakfast. it's difficult to cook especially for a person like me who wasn't domestically-engined. yeah, i was raised as an "eater" and never the "cook." it was harder thinking about the menu for the day. and i realized that i would think a hundred, or even a million of times if i will ever go for motherhood.
2.that cooking is a good way of workin out those flabs.
be it fried, nilaga, tinola, sinigang, sopas, or just rice, i have learned them all! hmpf! =D however, i do not eat whatever i have cooked. i dunno, they just taste so different.
3. it is scary being a woman.
mom had a hysterectomy last october 22, a saturday, 7 in the morning, at the asian hospital. her entire uterus had to be removed so as to eradicate the possibility of cancerous cells growin [can't explain it well, ala-omar,hehe]. with GOD's help and thru the prayers of family and friends, she is now okay and had a speedy recovery. while i was in college, she had a DNC [aka 'raspa'] and she had undergone the same before her uterus were removed. her obstetrician-gynecologist explained that women must undergo tests and check-ups of their reproductive system regularly, whether married or not. good heavens naman! we, women, had to suffer for 9 long months to give birth to our husbands' mini-clones and still had to look after these longganisa-looking reproductive organs [segway, i just found out that the uterus pala are so small, parang the size of a small basin lang, but they expand talaga to the extent of carrying fetuses, amazing!]. the many strengths talaga of the women. hehe.
4. things are a lot better when i was in highschool.
since mom had to rest and i took the helm, i was the one who had to accompany and send my nephew to school every morning. the feeling was unexpected. i miss school. i miss my highschool days. the early flag ceremonies, the resounding sermon that the teachers and administrators flood our ears with, the anticipation of seeing crushes... haaay... sweet highschool. but seeing the "kids" nowadays [read:teeners], i let out a deep sigh and realize that nothing compares to what i had. sure we were soooo baduy back then and things are simpler. but the simpler things are far less complicated. kids now are trendier and more in touch with the wonders of technology but, can it outbest the thrill there is in handwritten letters and notes, unfussy fads to deal with and cheap joys?
5. in the employment kingdom, underbars and single-degree holders are just the same insects. only that, the former can apply in call center companies and not feel devastated.
i am speechless. =D i cannot pass this opportunity to make an entry for this.
two months in the outside world.
p.s. many thanks to those who sneaked in for updates --- moniq,demz and tokti.
and hi alish, welcome to my world! =D feel free to comment, no liabilities,i promise! hehe =D
Friday, October 07, 2005
Thursday, October 06, 2005
kay teban
kaarawan din niya ngayon.
nakilala ko siya nung first year ako sa up.
may project kami nun sa comm 1. si jessica at ako ang partners. originally, dapat ang mga seatmates kong sila ryan, ramon at vinci [opo, si parokya] ang mga ka-grupo ko. napagtanto ata ng natutulog kong isip [7am kasi klase namin noon at galing pa ako ng laguna papasok sa diliman habang ang skyway ay sinisimulan pa lang gawin] na di ko kakayanin ang tema nila ng magazine para sa aming project. at pinagtagpo na nga ang landas namin ni jesusa.
ganito yan, may crush si jesusa. tinawagan namin. sumimple ika nga. may survey kasi kami para nga dun sa magazine na gagawin namin. mala-cosmo ba. nanghingi pa ako ng numero ng mga blockmate niya na maaari naming matawagan. binigay niya ang numero ni teban.
at dun na nagsimula ang "trahedya" ng buhay "pag-ibig" ko sa peyups.
hindi ko alam kung paano nagsanga ang simpleng tanungan na iyon sa palagiang pagtatawagan sa telepono. hindi lalampas ang isang linggo na hindi kami mag-uusap. isa siyang "rare breed" [parang aso, hehe],dahil isa siya sa mga henyong nilalang na estudyante ng electrical engg, taga triple E. aaminin ko na namangha ako sa kanyang katalinuhan. magaling talaga ang gunggong. sabay kami noon na nag math 17 ng 1st semester. nang sumunod na semestre, math 53 na siya habang ako, math 17 ulit [di naman bagsak, 4 lang, hehe]. kulang ingudngod niya ako sa kabobahan ko sa math.
aaaminin ko din na nahulog na ang loob ko sa kanya noon. may kakaibang lamig kasi ang tinig niya. tipo bang seryosong matalino. mahusay din siya sa grammar. sa katunayan, may ilang beses ba na binara niya ako dahil mali daw pagbigkas ko, o biglaan akong tanungin ng kahulugan ng mga salitang maiisip niya. siguro nga naaliw din ako sa pagbabangayan namin sa telepono. mga kasimpleng bagay kasi nagiging debatable na para sa amin. at dahil isa akong dakilang pikon, madalas akong talo. talaga nga naman, pagkapikon ang pinaghugutan ko ng naramdaman para sa kanya.
pumunta pa nga sya sa debut ko. taga marikina sya at ako, taga laguna. para sa akin, isang napakalaking bagay na yon. at dahil nga ayon na din sa kanya, isa akong "assuming" na nilalang, inisip kong baka siya na nga ang bigay ni Lord sa kin.
ilang buwan din ang lumipas na paganon-ganon lang kami. di ko alam kung ano ba talaga ako sa kanya. hanggang isang araw, nagbanggit na siya ng mga "girls" daw niya na kinairita ko. eh, tanga ako, pinaramdam ko pa na naiirita ako. tuloy, lalo na niya akong inasar.
may pagkakataon tuloy na parang nawalan ako ng ulirat at walang gatol na tumawag sa kanya. at ayun na nga, i dropped the bomb, ika nga nila.
"i think i have fallen for you."
saglit na katahimikan. para bang isang sundalong alam na wala siyang laban sa mga susunod pang magaganap, gusto kong sumigaw ng "retreat!" pero wala na, kailangan ko nang pangatawanan. nagpasalamat naman siya sa akin. kung ano pa ang sumunod doon, wala na akong maalala kundi ang panginginig ng buo kong kalamnan.
hindi naman naapektuhan ang aming pagkakaibigan. inisip ko na lang na talaga yatang wala siyang nararamdaman. pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang hanapin ang mokong na yon. tuwang tuwa ako na makita siya. di naman siya gwapo [well, may guwapo ba sa up? hehe]. katunayan, tawag ng mga kaibigan ko sa kanya eh kurimaw [opo, siya ang orig at hindi ang mga nasa eat bulaga, hehe]. sabi nga nila nakapiring ata ang mga mata ko.
at dahil nga dyan sumali ako sa isang org malapit sa kanila para di na kailangan pang umikot sa sunken makita lang siya.
nakilala ko na din si "the one that got away" at dedma talaga. talaga yatang kinaltok na pag-iisip ko.
mahigit anim na taon na rin ang nakalipas. nasa friendster ko siya. dati, may gf sya pero ngayon ata wala na [single status nya at wala na ang testi para sa kanya]. binati ko na siya nung lunes pa. natural may pang-aasar na naman siya.
wala na akong nararamdaman pa para sa kanya. pero ang sarap balikan ng mga panahong hibang ka sa isang tao. matay mong isipin kung kailan at paano magtatapos ang pagdurusang iyon na hindi ka mahalin ng taong mahal mo. iyon pala, ganito lang iyon.
sa iyo sgc,
happy bday. ayan ha, wag mo na ulit pamigay sa orgmates mo. =p
haaay, sarap. tapos na ang unang kabanata ng "unrequited" series ng buhay ko. sana matapos na din yung ngayon.
nakilala ko siya nung first year ako sa up.
may project kami nun sa comm 1. si jessica at ako ang partners. originally, dapat ang mga seatmates kong sila ryan, ramon at vinci [opo, si parokya] ang mga ka-grupo ko. napagtanto ata ng natutulog kong isip [7am kasi klase namin noon at galing pa ako ng laguna papasok sa diliman habang ang skyway ay sinisimulan pa lang gawin] na di ko kakayanin ang tema nila ng magazine para sa aming project. at pinagtagpo na nga ang landas namin ni jesusa.
ganito yan, may crush si jesusa. tinawagan namin. sumimple ika nga. may survey kasi kami para nga dun sa magazine na gagawin namin. mala-cosmo ba. nanghingi pa ako ng numero ng mga blockmate niya na maaari naming matawagan. binigay niya ang numero ni teban.
at dun na nagsimula ang "trahedya" ng buhay "pag-ibig" ko sa peyups.
hindi ko alam kung paano nagsanga ang simpleng tanungan na iyon sa palagiang pagtatawagan sa telepono. hindi lalampas ang isang linggo na hindi kami mag-uusap. isa siyang "rare breed" [parang aso, hehe],dahil isa siya sa mga henyong nilalang na estudyante ng electrical engg, taga triple E. aaminin ko na namangha ako sa kanyang katalinuhan. magaling talaga ang gunggong. sabay kami noon na nag math 17 ng 1st semester. nang sumunod na semestre, math 53 na siya habang ako, math 17 ulit [di naman bagsak, 4 lang, hehe]. kulang ingudngod niya ako sa kabobahan ko sa math.
aaaminin ko din na nahulog na ang loob ko sa kanya noon. may kakaibang lamig kasi ang tinig niya. tipo bang seryosong matalino. mahusay din siya sa grammar. sa katunayan, may ilang beses ba na binara niya ako dahil mali daw pagbigkas ko, o biglaan akong tanungin ng kahulugan ng mga salitang maiisip niya. siguro nga naaliw din ako sa pagbabangayan namin sa telepono. mga kasimpleng bagay kasi nagiging debatable na para sa amin. at dahil isa akong dakilang pikon, madalas akong talo. talaga nga naman, pagkapikon ang pinaghugutan ko ng naramdaman para sa kanya.
pumunta pa nga sya sa debut ko. taga marikina sya at ako, taga laguna. para sa akin, isang napakalaking bagay na yon. at dahil nga ayon na din sa kanya, isa akong "assuming" na nilalang, inisip kong baka siya na nga ang bigay ni Lord sa kin.
ilang buwan din ang lumipas na paganon-ganon lang kami. di ko alam kung ano ba talaga ako sa kanya. hanggang isang araw, nagbanggit na siya ng mga "girls" daw niya na kinairita ko. eh, tanga ako, pinaramdam ko pa na naiirita ako. tuloy, lalo na niya akong inasar.
may pagkakataon tuloy na parang nawalan ako ng ulirat at walang gatol na tumawag sa kanya. at ayun na nga, i dropped the bomb, ika nga nila.
"i think i have fallen for you."
saglit na katahimikan. para bang isang sundalong alam na wala siyang laban sa mga susunod pang magaganap, gusto kong sumigaw ng "retreat!" pero wala na, kailangan ko nang pangatawanan. nagpasalamat naman siya sa akin. kung ano pa ang sumunod doon, wala na akong maalala kundi ang panginginig ng buo kong kalamnan.
hindi naman naapektuhan ang aming pagkakaibigan. inisip ko na lang na talaga yatang wala siyang nararamdaman. pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang hanapin ang mokong na yon. tuwang tuwa ako na makita siya. di naman siya gwapo [well, may guwapo ba sa up? hehe]. katunayan, tawag ng mga kaibigan ko sa kanya eh kurimaw [opo, siya ang orig at hindi ang mga nasa eat bulaga, hehe]. sabi nga nila nakapiring ata ang mga mata ko.
at dahil nga dyan sumali ako sa isang org malapit sa kanila para di na kailangan pang umikot sa sunken makita lang siya.
nakilala ko na din si "the one that got away" at dedma talaga. talaga yatang kinaltok na pag-iisip ko.
mahigit anim na taon na rin ang nakalipas. nasa friendster ko siya. dati, may gf sya pero ngayon ata wala na [single status nya at wala na ang testi para sa kanya]. binati ko na siya nung lunes pa. natural may pang-aasar na naman siya.
wala na akong nararamdaman pa para sa kanya. pero ang sarap balikan ng mga panahong hibang ka sa isang tao. matay mong isipin kung kailan at paano magtatapos ang pagdurusang iyon na hindi ka mahalin ng taong mahal mo. iyon pala, ganito lang iyon.
sa iyo sgc,
happy bday. ayan ha, wag mo na ulit pamigay sa orgmates mo. =p
haaay, sarap. tapos na ang unang kabanata ng "unrequited" series ng buhay ko. sana matapos na din yung ngayon.
hbd =)
kay marianette aquino galang,
maligayang kaarawan sa kapwa super "eng-eng" kong kaibigan! =)
wag ka mag-alala lumipad din ako nung setyembre.
mayette facts:
1. si yettie ay isang ubod ng talinong tao. di niya kailangan magsaulo ng aming binabasa upang makasagot sa eksamen o humataw sa recitations...
2. isa rin siyang mahusay na manunulat. ilang daang piso na nga ba ang naibigay sa kanya ng angking galing na ito? ay, may libreng pagkain din pala noong magkasama pa kami sa barrister...
3. kung naghahanap ka ng tao na tutulong lumutas ng iyong mga suliranin, si yette ang pinaka nararapat lapitan. iisa ang kalidad ng mga solusyon na imumungkahi niya sa iyo - praktikal, risonable at walang "bias."
4. siya ang nagbukas nga aking mga mata sa mundo ng blogging. [may nasimulan na ako noon, nakalimutan ko lang ang account ko, hehe]
5. siya si buttercup sa powerpuff girls,
mahal nya ang dexter's lab, si garfield, ang "angel" at "buffy," ang powerbooks, booksale at lahat na ng uri ng tindahan ng libro. puno na ata nya ang kabahayan nila ng libro.
6. isa siyang dakilang nilalang. isang tunay na maprinsipyong nilalang. naging volunteer siya sa jvp. tunay na bagay sa kanya ang "nobility" ng propesyong aming tinatahak.
7. kakatwa na tao. isang bihirang nilalang na di kailanman nahilig sa tsismis [well, ako ang chismosa sa aming dalawa, sobrang chismosa, hehe] o ang manghusga ng kapwa. wala kang maririnig na hindi magandang mamumutawi sa kanyang mga labi, kundi ang "whining" stare that she gives me [hirap na ko, hehe] pag nagbibigay ng sangkaterbang assignment si sir corpo o si sir evid.
8. halos pareho kami ng hilig sa pagkain. ngunit ang pinaka pinagpapasalamat ko sa kanya ay ang pagbubukas ng aking kamalayan sa kasayahang dulot ng ice monster.
9. tanggap nya mga kalokohan ng mga kaibigan niya tulad ko. =)
10. at higit sa lahat, isa siyang tunay na kaibigan. ala talagang iwanan. isa siya sa mga taong pinaghugutan ko ng lakas tuwing may problema.
maligayang kaarawan muli marianette! maraming salamat sa yo.
maligayang kaarawan sa kapwa super "eng-eng" kong kaibigan! =)
wag ka mag-alala lumipad din ako nung setyembre.
mayette facts:
1. si yettie ay isang ubod ng talinong tao. di niya kailangan magsaulo ng aming binabasa upang makasagot sa eksamen o humataw sa recitations...
2. isa rin siyang mahusay na manunulat. ilang daang piso na nga ba ang naibigay sa kanya ng angking galing na ito? ay, may libreng pagkain din pala noong magkasama pa kami sa barrister...
3. kung naghahanap ka ng tao na tutulong lumutas ng iyong mga suliranin, si yette ang pinaka nararapat lapitan. iisa ang kalidad ng mga solusyon na imumungkahi niya sa iyo - praktikal, risonable at walang "bias."
4. siya ang nagbukas nga aking mga mata sa mundo ng blogging. [may nasimulan na ako noon, nakalimutan ko lang ang account ko, hehe]
5. siya si buttercup sa powerpuff girls,
mahal nya ang dexter's lab, si garfield, ang "angel" at "buffy," ang powerbooks, booksale at lahat na ng uri ng tindahan ng libro. puno na ata nya ang kabahayan nila ng libro.
6. isa siyang dakilang nilalang. isang tunay na maprinsipyong nilalang. naging volunteer siya sa jvp. tunay na bagay sa kanya ang "nobility" ng propesyong aming tinatahak.
7. kakatwa na tao. isang bihirang nilalang na di kailanman nahilig sa tsismis [well, ako ang chismosa sa aming dalawa, sobrang chismosa, hehe] o ang manghusga ng kapwa. wala kang maririnig na hindi magandang mamumutawi sa kanyang mga labi, kundi ang "whining" stare that she gives me [hirap na ko, hehe] pag nagbibigay ng sangkaterbang assignment si sir corpo o si sir evid.
8. halos pareho kami ng hilig sa pagkain. ngunit ang pinaka pinagpapasalamat ko sa kanya ay ang pagbubukas ng aking kamalayan sa kasayahang dulot ng ice monster.
9. tanggap nya mga kalokohan ng mga kaibigan niya tulad ko. =)
10. at higit sa lahat, isa siyang tunay na kaibigan. ala talagang iwanan. isa siya sa mga taong pinaghugutan ko ng lakas tuwing may problema.
maligayang kaarawan muli marianette! maraming salamat sa yo.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
the day the gods lent the sun to me
the drizzlin sky was painted
with a generous ray of
glitter...
the misty breath of the winds, sparkled
with throngs of
warmth...
the cascadin' waves blended
with the golden
shadows...
just for a day,
the gods loaned your
tender pat
from the hand that i have longed
to hold,
the smile
from the lips that i'd die
to kiss,
the three worded phrase
which were the
strongest pushes
that has made me
hold on this far...
alas, all these are
nothin'
but
crumbs
of what
she
has...
(september 4, 2005)
--->>> backdrop:
september 3, 2005...
loud drums, loud chants, banners, screaming wishes of luck, cheers, confetti, flowers...
i was about to ride the bus that will bring us to hyatt when i heard someone call my name...
"Tin" he said...
i turned my back and saw him...
he was clad in his usual white polo shirt...
but twas unusual, he greeted me first...
"Good luck"...
i actually didnt hear it quite clearly but saw him utter those words...
i was so delighted with his mere sight...
what more with him wishin me luck - and sayin my name...
that did not end there.
i saw him the following day, early in the morning,
running with a friend, probably hoping to catch up for the traditional send-off at taft.
all the butterflies in my stomach made its way into my heart.
i was so happy.
during the send-off, i saw him...
if only my heart can choke me to death, it probably would have done so - for the loads of bacons that i ate, the terror that gripped me with a fierce enemy called the bar exams, and the sight of the man that for five long years i have loved...
i passed by him, but the line stopped while he was beside me, on my left side - and the world stopped as well, mine at least...
again, he made me wanna jump for joy.
he tapped my left arm and said,
"Tin, God bless."
was it me or it was really so sincere that i felt it was heartwarming?
whatever it was, they were enough to make me happy ---
despite the truth revealed two days later
that he is still hers,
and he,
can never be mine.
with a generous ray of
glitter...
the misty breath of the winds, sparkled
with throngs of
warmth...
the cascadin' waves blended
with the golden
shadows...
just for a day,
the gods loaned your
tender pat
from the hand that i have longed
to hold,
the smile
from the lips that i'd die
to kiss,
the three worded phrase
which were the
strongest pushes
that has made me
hold on this far...
alas, all these are
nothin'
but
crumbs
of what
she
has...
(september 4, 2005)
--->>> backdrop:
september 3, 2005...
loud drums, loud chants, banners, screaming wishes of luck, cheers, confetti, flowers...
i was about to ride the bus that will bring us to hyatt when i heard someone call my name...
"Tin" he said...
i turned my back and saw him...
he was clad in his usual white polo shirt...
but twas unusual, he greeted me first...
"Good luck"...
i actually didnt hear it quite clearly but saw him utter those words...
i was so delighted with his mere sight...
what more with him wishin me luck - and sayin my name...
that did not end there.
i saw him the following day, early in the morning,
running with a friend, probably hoping to catch up for the traditional send-off at taft.
all the butterflies in my stomach made its way into my heart.
i was so happy.
during the send-off, i saw him...
if only my heart can choke me to death, it probably would have done so - for the loads of bacons that i ate, the terror that gripped me with a fierce enemy called the bar exams, and the sight of the man that for five long years i have loved...
i passed by him, but the line stopped while he was beside me, on my left side - and the world stopped as well, mine at least...
again, he made me wanna jump for joy.
he tapped my left arm and said,
"Tin, God bless."
was it me or it was really so sincere that i felt it was heartwarming?
whatever it was, they were enough to make me happy ---
despite the truth revealed two days later
that he is still hers,
and he,
can never be mine.
i am resurrected
i am back.
after havin been buried by tons of useless articles and sections [yes, they are nothin but useless... you have to agree with me on this], i was so surprised that i am still alive.
FOUR SUNDAYS OF HELL
September 4, 11, 18 and 25 of 2005 are, to date, the most unutterably difficult moments of my existence - mentally-wise. My convolutions have never EVER been stretched and curled up, save of course that part of my life as an Iska when i spent a semester's worth of tuition fee for calculus (haha, you do the math!), not until i entered la salle (may joke sana ako eh, innovation of the common UP joke, pero wag na lang, i might get assasinated by my archer-friends). parang wala nang kinabukasan sa sobrang hirap at haba ng exams.
i have never doubted, not that much, during those five years in beda, if i was meant for this profession - not until September 5, 12, 19 and 26 of 2005. the pinoy line of "nasa huli ang pagsisisi" fits well my disposition all four mondays after the exams. there came a point when i wanted so much to just stop. for it might be pointless in goin on with the battle. were it not for the support and encouragement that my family, friends and schoolmates have given me, i would have probably turned all my books into ashes then.
let me give my thanks to all those who prayed for me. thank you. i am praying i could give you a more decent thank you entry by next year, when the verdict has been given. as for now, di pa tapos our battle - this is a plea of mercy talaga to GOD, an appeal, a petition for mandamus. =)
after havin been buried by tons of useless articles and sections [yes, they are nothin but useless... you have to agree with me on this], i was so surprised that i am still alive.
FOUR SUNDAYS OF HELL
September 4, 11, 18 and 25 of 2005 are, to date, the most unutterably difficult moments of my existence - mentally-wise. My convolutions have never EVER been stretched and curled up, save of course that part of my life as an Iska when i spent a semester's worth of tuition fee for calculus (haha, you do the math!), not until i entered la salle (may joke sana ako eh, innovation of the common UP joke, pero wag na lang, i might get assasinated by my archer-friends). parang wala nang kinabukasan sa sobrang hirap at haba ng exams.
i have never doubted, not that much, during those five years in beda, if i was meant for this profession - not until September 5, 12, 19 and 26 of 2005. the pinoy line of "nasa huli ang pagsisisi" fits well my disposition all four mondays after the exams. there came a point when i wanted so much to just stop. for it might be pointless in goin on with the battle. were it not for the support and encouragement that my family, friends and schoolmates have given me, i would have probably turned all my books into ashes then.
let me give my thanks to all those who prayed for me. thank you. i am praying i could give you a more decent thank you entry by next year, when the verdict has been given. as for now, di pa tapos our battle - this is a plea of mercy talaga to GOD, an appeal, a petition for mandamus. =)
Monday, October 03, 2005
so real
Tin, your Personality SummaryYour Personality Type
You are an optimist who is often more focused on the past and the future than the present moment. You have an active imagination. You have good hunches and intuitions and people notice that.
Your Motto
"I want to discover the truth in life."
How You Work best
You work best in cooperative, harmonious environments. Competition, a rushed pace, and a strict format for communication don't work well for you. Your strength is your open-mindedness. Your Achilles heel is that you are sometimes too hard on yourself.
Your Life Situation
You are not fully satisfied with your current life situation. It is in your own hands, though, to change this. Every day you have the opportunity to improve your life situation by making decisions that suit your personality best.
Making decisions that suit your personality best benefits all areas of your life: your relationships, your career, your love life, your goals, your family life, and your health.
www.personality100.com
You are an optimist who is often more focused on the past and the future than the present moment. You have an active imagination. You have good hunches and intuitions and people notice that.
Your Motto
"I want to discover the truth in life."
How You Work best
You work best in cooperative, harmonious environments. Competition, a rushed pace, and a strict format for communication don't work well for you. Your strength is your open-mindedness. Your Achilles heel is that you are sometimes too hard on yourself.
Your Life Situation
You are not fully satisfied with your current life situation. It is in your own hands, though, to change this. Every day you have the opportunity to improve your life situation by making decisions that suit your personality best.
Making decisions that suit your personality best benefits all areas of your life: your relationships, your career, your love life, your goals, your family life, and your health.
www.personality100.com
duh
| UCAUTION |
| IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP TIN AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES. |
From Go-Quiz.com
ano daw? =p
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
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Monday, August 01, 2005
can i just die?
it is the first day of august. about a month from now, i will be taking the dreaded bar examinations.
they say it is but normal to feel scared. but i believe otherwise. what scares a barrister is the fact that he/she is not prepared. like i am now.
all but regrets... these are the usual thoughts that pester me each day. i should've worked really hard last summer. i should have sticked with my schedule [no matter how anti-social and uber-idealistic it was]. i can only sigh.
let me enumerate my fears and it will, in a way, make you realize that, indeed, i am one brave person to take the bar:
1. in political law, the subject which i loved the most, i barely finished nachura. as i was encoding this, i was supposed to breeze through it.
2. in labor law, i barely remember anything. sure, i was able to finish the readings that i planned on goin through. but the Q is, did i remember anythin?
3. civil law. my third best love (with the exception of the law on property,hehehe)... i am not done with the part about partnership, agency, credit and torts [jurado's book]. i was waiting for atty lutian's lecture [after it was postponed], but...
4. taxation law. once i start with this subject, i get so enamored by the technicalities that i find it difficult to stop. however, i am a 'bobotiq' with respect to transfer taxes. men.
5. commercial law. started my review with this one. cannot remember anything now.
6. criminal law. in first year law, my grades in both crim 1 and 2 are above what i expected them to be. it's another favorite. however, in fourth year, all my love for the subject were flushed together with the fiorgelato stuffs that i filled my tummy with - during crim law review class. it was an absolutely boring class. sure, it was a relief that there were no recitations. but, without recitations, no amount of force could make me mull over the lessons. the result? it's as if i have never taken crim law in my entire life. [jusme, this is one subject pa naman that the examiner loves!]
7. remedial law. aaahhh, this one. there's still this leftover - criminal procedure - which i have to master [kuno].
8. ethics. originally, i allotted a week for this subject. then it became 3 days. then, nada, zero, ala. not even read a part of any of my materials... =(
add to these the pressure that my family has been giving me lately. ngayon pa nasabay that i was the one that my mom would always rely on in doing my nephew's assignments, projects and review materials. then dad pa would always ask me to do paper works for him - editing certain contracts, encoding this and that, correspondence. isa pa, whenever my sister is around, it is as if she doesn't give a damn if i am reading or what - sa room ko pa sya open ng tv, chat sa phone, internet, kulitin ako, the works! then she'd tell me pa, "naku ilang days na lang pala bar na. hala, ilang subject na natapos mo?!"
then there are friends you envy a lot for having remembered stuffs they have read - after having read the same while watching shows on tv. or super sipag friends...
now tell me, di ba these are enough reasons why i wanted so badly to defer or die or both at the same time, or successively. i hate myself. i find myself so gaga, so boba. am i cracking under pressure? nah, boba lang talaga. so pathetic.
if anyone shoots me right now, i would gladly give him/her a reward.
i want to die. now na.
and im not joking.
they say it is but normal to feel scared. but i believe otherwise. what scares a barrister is the fact that he/she is not prepared. like i am now.
all but regrets... these are the usual thoughts that pester me each day. i should've worked really hard last summer. i should have sticked with my schedule [no matter how anti-social and uber-idealistic it was]. i can only sigh.
let me enumerate my fears and it will, in a way, make you realize that, indeed, i am one brave person to take the bar:
1. in political law, the subject which i loved the most, i barely finished nachura. as i was encoding this, i was supposed to breeze through it.
2. in labor law, i barely remember anything. sure, i was able to finish the readings that i planned on goin through. but the Q is, did i remember anythin?
3. civil law. my third best love (with the exception of the law on property,hehehe)... i am not done with the part about partnership, agency, credit and torts [jurado's book]. i was waiting for atty lutian's lecture [after it was postponed], but...
4. taxation law. once i start with this subject, i get so enamored by the technicalities that i find it difficult to stop. however, i am a 'bobotiq' with respect to transfer taxes. men.
5. commercial law. started my review with this one. cannot remember anything now.
6. criminal law. in first year law, my grades in both crim 1 and 2 are above what i expected them to be. it's another favorite. however, in fourth year, all my love for the subject were flushed together with the fiorgelato stuffs that i filled my tummy with - during crim law review class. it was an absolutely boring class. sure, it was a relief that there were no recitations. but, without recitations, no amount of force could make me mull over the lessons. the result? it's as if i have never taken crim law in my entire life. [jusme, this is one subject pa naman that the examiner loves!]
7. remedial law. aaahhh, this one. there's still this leftover - criminal procedure - which i have to master [kuno].
8. ethics. originally, i allotted a week for this subject. then it became 3 days. then, nada, zero, ala. not even read a part of any of my materials... =(
add to these the pressure that my family has been giving me lately. ngayon pa nasabay that i was the one that my mom would always rely on in doing my nephew's assignments, projects and review materials. then dad pa would always ask me to do paper works for him - editing certain contracts, encoding this and that, correspondence. isa pa, whenever my sister is around, it is as if she doesn't give a damn if i am reading or what - sa room ko pa sya open ng tv, chat sa phone, internet, kulitin ako, the works! then she'd tell me pa, "naku ilang days na lang pala bar na. hala, ilang subject na natapos mo?!"
then there are friends you envy a lot for having remembered stuffs they have read - after having read the same while watching shows on tv. or super sipag friends...
now tell me, di ba these are enough reasons why i wanted so badly to defer or die or both at the same time, or successively. i hate myself. i find myself so gaga, so boba. am i cracking under pressure? nah, boba lang talaga. so pathetic.
if anyone shoots me right now, i would gladly give him/her a reward.
i want to die. now na.
and im not joking.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
hibernation
it has been more than a month since i have last posted an entry. yup, a lot has happened since then.
my birthday. i did not go to review class. hehe. dq. what a way to start my 26th year of existence. a lot greeted me. there were even those who i did not expect. but, there were those who either forgot, or probably, deliberately did not (makes me wonder, was i that bad? =( )... anyway, i resolved not to greet them na lang, unless their reason is justifiable.
pahiyas fest. my and my good friend maan's first. it was really a fun experience. at least, i can proudly say YES to regine velasquez' smart ad (nakapunta ka na ba?). it was worth the money, the pounds gain and the sunburn. maan and i hope that it will be a yearly event for us. miss laguador, our HS teacher, was just as happy as we were as it was their cozy home which we "messed up."
my review. haaayyy... there is nothin much to say as i had nothin accomplished as well. when it comes to studying, i am such a cram freak. all the "juices", i surmise, are released whenever it's time to rush. i just hope this would not be fatal to my exams, otherwise... ala naman. hay, this is all ive got - no love life, no anda, hehe, no gimmicks - and i better not screw this up. so to start it off right, three months prior to the exams, i will be HIBERNATING in my dormitory in manila. roomie tria has sent her tv set to pampanga last april and i only brought my cd player so that'll be wreck-y boredom-ful stay! i just hope i will remain sane after all these. and topmost of it all, that i take and pass the bar once. please Lord!
in relation to this bar thingy, i was asked by the beda registrar to acquire a certification from UP Diliman that i have taken and passed the two subjects which i cross enrolled at UP summer of 2001. goodness, after having stayed in beda for five years, i was not informed that such was needed. i had to go to UP and with the bureaucracy that Philippines has (glaring even at the premiere state university), i was forced to come back the following day! and worse, my dad and i were even scolded by the people at the registrar's office. so natural of me, i turned my back as i cursed them silently, while they boastingly said their monologue. ***tty! bulok talaga.
and starting tomorrow, i'll be off to the dormitory - and hopefully, study well.
p.s. for about a week now, i have been dreaming about this guy. was it "regressing'? well, as far as i am concerned, i am confident to say that i have no special feelings for him now. except that of course, he remains dear as he has proven himself a real good friend. or was it just that he is about to celebrate his birthday? the last time i dreamt of him, they became real. but this time, i know it can never come true. not in this lifetime. not because i despise him, but because i dont wanna spoil his happiness. may he stay happy and loved. =)
p.p.s. my many thanks to the people who care to read about my walang wentang entries. =) i hope to give you updates the coming months. cant promise though. i promise myself to go on a heavy entertainment-diet (tv, movies, gimmicks and net). mwa! bye for now...
my birthday. i did not go to review class. hehe. dq. what a way to start my 26th year of existence. a lot greeted me. there were even those who i did not expect. but, there were those who either forgot, or probably, deliberately did not (makes me wonder, was i that bad? =( )... anyway, i resolved not to greet them na lang, unless their reason is justifiable.
pahiyas fest. my and my good friend maan's first. it was really a fun experience. at least, i can proudly say YES to regine velasquez' smart ad (nakapunta ka na ba?). it was worth the money, the pounds gain and the sunburn. maan and i hope that it will be a yearly event for us. miss laguador, our HS teacher, was just as happy as we were as it was their cozy home which we "messed up."
my review. haaayyy... there is nothin much to say as i had nothin accomplished as well. when it comes to studying, i am such a cram freak. all the "juices", i surmise, are released whenever it's time to rush. i just hope this would not be fatal to my exams, otherwise... ala naman. hay, this is all ive got - no love life, no anda, hehe, no gimmicks - and i better not screw this up. so to start it off right, three months prior to the exams, i will be HIBERNATING in my dormitory in manila. roomie tria has sent her tv set to pampanga last april and i only brought my cd player so that'll be wreck-y boredom-ful stay! i just hope i will remain sane after all these. and topmost of it all, that i take and pass the bar once. please Lord!
in relation to this bar thingy, i was asked by the beda registrar to acquire a certification from UP Diliman that i have taken and passed the two subjects which i cross enrolled at UP summer of 2001. goodness, after having stayed in beda for five years, i was not informed that such was needed. i had to go to UP and with the bureaucracy that Philippines has (glaring even at the premiere state university), i was forced to come back the following day! and worse, my dad and i were even scolded by the people at the registrar's office. so natural of me, i turned my back as i cursed them silently, while they boastingly said their monologue. ***tty! bulok talaga.
and starting tomorrow, i'll be off to the dormitory - and hopefully, study well.
p.s. for about a week now, i have been dreaming about this guy. was it "regressing'? well, as far as i am concerned, i am confident to say that i have no special feelings for him now. except that of course, he remains dear as he has proven himself a real good friend. or was it just that he is about to celebrate his birthday? the last time i dreamt of him, they became real. but this time, i know it can never come true. not in this lifetime. not because i despise him, but because i dont wanna spoil his happiness. may he stay happy and loved. =)
p.p.s. my many thanks to the people who care to read about my walang wentang entries. =) i hope to give you updates the coming months. cant promise though. i promise myself to go on a heavy entertainment-diet (tv, movies, gimmicks and net). mwa! bye for now...
Saturday, April 23, 2005
mi bebe
happy 6th birthday to the (not so) little boy who has made a wonderful change in my life.
i used to be mommy's little princess until he came. well, at first, naturally - i stress, i got a bit jealous of the attention that the entire family has given him. i remember even telling my manicurista about this (the therapy then when i was in a bad mood is to have my nails colored =D)... but eventually, i got addicted to him, even more than any of my family could have been.
he was a born a week before my birthday. he graduated from preschool two weeks, to be exact, before i had mine. our lives were so intertwined that we could (and often mistaken) pass as mother and child. we have the same interests, likes and even expressions; though he is more suplado than i am.
happy birthday to my honey! i love you so much! i promise you that i will be with you until the end of it all. =D
i used to be mommy's little princess until he came. well, at first, naturally - i stress, i got a bit jealous of the attention that the entire family has given him. i remember even telling my manicurista about this (the therapy then when i was in a bad mood is to have my nails colored =D)... but eventually, i got addicted to him, even more than any of my family could have been.
he was a born a week before my birthday. he graduated from preschool two weeks, to be exact, before i had mine. our lives were so intertwined that we could (and often mistaken) pass as mother and child. we have the same interests, likes and even expressions; though he is more suplado than i am.
happy birthday to my honey! i love you so much! i promise you that i will be with you until the end of it all. =D
Sunday, April 17, 2005
dismayed
i have a bad perception of people. often, i would regard them as really nice when they probably aren't. just recently, i was able to prove that no matter what happens to a person, his real color will show. it is just disappointing since i thought that that person has changed. but that person has not.
there are just changes in this life that brings people back to their "real selves." it is just so sad that i saw this happen to a person whom i have considered a friend, and treated really well during the trying moments of his/her life - and now i can hardly rely on for even a tinge of support.
there are just changes in this life that brings people back to their "real selves." it is just so sad that i saw this happen to a person whom i have considered a friend, and treated really well during the trying moments of his/her life - and now i can hardly rely on for even a tinge of support.
review
when everyone else is probably dippin in the cold waters of the beach, or just lying lazily with their television's remote control on one hand and some chips on the other, i plunge into an unknown battle.
what awaits me this september is a whole lot unknown. honestly, i am not afraid. probably a bit anxious though. taking the bar exams is one great experience which will perhaps show who your real friends are, as to who will take time out to show their support to you. back in law school, this is one activity that i would always, excitedly, would desire to take part of. i am really hoping that good karma will work to my benefit. but i can only hope. =)
i have made a battle plan, which, to my dismay, i have failed to do. too much confidence in taking the bar exams will, i opine, kill you. too much of fear will likewise do the same thing. the feeling right now is indescribable.
what awaits me this september is a whole lot unknown. honestly, i am not afraid. probably a bit anxious though. taking the bar exams is one great experience which will perhaps show who your real friends are, as to who will take time out to show their support to you. back in law school, this is one activity that i would always, excitedly, would desire to take part of. i am really hoping that good karma will work to my benefit. but i can only hope. =)
i have made a battle plan, which, to my dismay, i have failed to do. too much confidence in taking the bar exams will, i opine, kill you. too much of fear will likewise do the same thing. the feeling right now is indescribable.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
my song for cinco
DREAM OF ME
Artist: Kirsten Dunst
Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabyes
So let me close my eyes
And sleep
For a chance to dream
SO I CAN SEE THE FACE I LONG TO TOUCH
TO KISS
BUT ONLY DREAMS CAN BRING ME THIS
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me
I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away (echo 3x)
I’ll dream away
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me
Oooohhh
Dream of me
Artist: Kirsten Dunst
Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabyes
So let me close my eyes
And sleep
For a chance to dream
SO I CAN SEE THE FACE I LONG TO TOUCH
TO KISS
BUT ONLY DREAMS CAN BRING ME THIS
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me
I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away (echo 3x)
I’ll dream away
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me
Oooohhh
Dream of me
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
cinco
again.
of all the men that i have kept affection for, it is with you that i detest having borne such emotions. no, it's not that i find you despicable. it's just that i know, with you, it will all be a heartache in the end.
i consider you one of the few male friends that i treasure. you have brought me so much happiness, not only as that person i would have wanted to laugh with all my life, but also as a friend who has remained with me at the trying moments of my academic life (and non-existing lovelife). we became really close to the point that i turned into a bridge for you and a friend, and oftimes, the listener to the whines and emotions you have for this friend. i remained simply as the ear that listens to you. someone who has no face. completely invisible.
i would have wanted to say goodbye to the feelings i have long kept. but they remain so strong, despite the cunning threat of an impending rejection.
i would have wanted to say goodbye to the friendship built. but, i cannot. it is the only hold i have of you. it is the only means that i could express the uncrushable feelings i have long hidden from you.
i fell for you then, really hard. twas so strong that it was inconceivable that i could get up and move on. it felt like the feelings then became so much a part of me, without which i would cease being me.
i stayed, not because you asked me, but because i wanted. i was hurting but i ignored the pain. all i could see was you. despite the many manifestations of my affection, you never seemed to notice me. or probably, you did, but you ignored me. i remained a blank painting on the wall. all there but never seen.
i stayed, and waited. you fell again, for another. i chose to remain. but staying has never been this painful. then i decided to let go and move on. and so i left. but this, you still had not noticed.
my life went on without you. yes i survived. but i cannot deny the fact that i miss those moments when i was with you, however hurtful the things I may have heard from you. i miss the kulitan, despite being considered as a mere "one of the boys." i just missed being with you.
i decided then to shut my world off from you. i enclosed myself in hibernation. and all along i thought, i had forgotten you... and had the feelings buried as a part of my past. i see no point in letting these emotions subsist. it has only brought me self-derision. we parted ways. i bid goodbye to the friendship - and you. there was no way out but this. there was nothing i could do.
but sometimes, no matter how well-kept some things are, they, sooner or later, will resurrect from the ashes. i saw you again. and everything were revived in an instant. all the sacrifices i bore with just to get over you were wasted - with just your smile.
as before, i do not wish to stay. you are like a star that i could only dream of. you are someone that i cannot be at par with. a mortal like i am is, and never will be, worthy of your deity. but i will stay, if only to prove that i do not want anything in return; for it is even, a fact, that you can never give me anything in return. i will stay even if it would mean being on your feet. just let me be. just let me be happy for you and contribute to whatever happiness you may aspire to have.
just let me gaze at the star that, only in my dreams i could have. if this isnt love, i will be really surprised.
the girl who has once fallen for you has really remained so.
of all the men that i have kept affection for, it is with you that i detest having borne such emotions. no, it's not that i find you despicable. it's just that i know, with you, it will all be a heartache in the end.
i consider you one of the few male friends that i treasure. you have brought me so much happiness, not only as that person i would have wanted to laugh with all my life, but also as a friend who has remained with me at the trying moments of my academic life (and non-existing lovelife). we became really close to the point that i turned into a bridge for you and a friend, and oftimes, the listener to the whines and emotions you have for this friend. i remained simply as the ear that listens to you. someone who has no face. completely invisible.
i would have wanted to say goodbye to the feelings i have long kept. but they remain so strong, despite the cunning threat of an impending rejection.
i would have wanted to say goodbye to the friendship built. but, i cannot. it is the only hold i have of you. it is the only means that i could express the uncrushable feelings i have long hidden from you.
i fell for you then, really hard. twas so strong that it was inconceivable that i could get up and move on. it felt like the feelings then became so much a part of me, without which i would cease being me.
i stayed, not because you asked me, but because i wanted. i was hurting but i ignored the pain. all i could see was you. despite the many manifestations of my affection, you never seemed to notice me. or probably, you did, but you ignored me. i remained a blank painting on the wall. all there but never seen.
i stayed, and waited. you fell again, for another. i chose to remain. but staying has never been this painful. then i decided to let go and move on. and so i left. but this, you still had not noticed.
my life went on without you. yes i survived. but i cannot deny the fact that i miss those moments when i was with you, however hurtful the things I may have heard from you. i miss the kulitan, despite being considered as a mere "one of the boys." i just missed being with you.
i decided then to shut my world off from you. i enclosed myself in hibernation. and all along i thought, i had forgotten you... and had the feelings buried as a part of my past. i see no point in letting these emotions subsist. it has only brought me self-derision. we parted ways. i bid goodbye to the friendship - and you. there was no way out but this. there was nothing i could do.
but sometimes, no matter how well-kept some things are, they, sooner or later, will resurrect from the ashes. i saw you again. and everything were revived in an instant. all the sacrifices i bore with just to get over you were wasted - with just your smile.
as before, i do not wish to stay. you are like a star that i could only dream of. you are someone that i cannot be at par with. a mortal like i am is, and never will be, worthy of your deity. but i will stay, if only to prove that i do not want anything in return; for it is even, a fact, that you can never give me anything in return. i will stay even if it would mean being on your feet. just let me be. just let me be happy for you and contribute to whatever happiness you may aspire to have.
just let me gaze at the star that, only in my dreams i could have. if this isnt love, i will be really surprised.
the girl who has once fallen for you has really remained so.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
"fully human, wholly christian and truly filipino"
i have always dreamt of this day. for five long years, i waited and longed that someday, i shall be within the solace of the benedictine abbey, donning my red toga, all eager and anxious at the same time, to officially put an end to all the torments and agonies i had to undergo. finally, it came true today...the twelfth of april, 2005.
the ceremonies swiftly breezed. perhaps, i have not yet ingested the idea that "finally, i have obtained my LLB!" it occurred to me just now that, the student phase of my life has formally ended. i have obtained a bachelor of laws degree. i have earned that degree in san beda law. i am no longer a student.
there are all but mixed emotions that envelopes me right now. i am so happy that finally, i am no longer a tempting subject of humiliation of my professors, no longer the pressured student who has to brave the thought of just coming to class, the absentee classmate who has 'visited' the class once or twice, the girl who always had make-up on (with visible cheek tints), the 'basura' who comes to school as if she had just came from the wet market... i need not fear each day knowing that i am on deck. i need not scout my closet for 'feel-good' outfits. i can now grace the hall near the law dean's office without fear of any professor. i am so elated that, finally, i got what i aspired for and primarily, in the school where i wanted it to come from. the Lord has blessed me indeed.
on the other hand, there is a gnawing sadness, or aptly, emptiness, that strikes me as we march down the aisle. i will greatly miss the everyday classes, the battle of the class, the 'movement for ceasefire' activities, the simple kagaguhan, the shared feeling with the classmates of that fear of being called for recitations, the eskapo to fiorgelato at 6pm, the parties, the beers, the videoke, the concerted motion of the class. i will surely miss all the mistresses of my law school academic life. i will miss coming up with my article/column for The Barrister; and pouring all my canned emotions through the literary folio. i will miss the pressworks, or rather, the presswork con chika work, though ive been to a few only. i will miss the legal aid office, the chorale practices, the bar ops (this i will really miss, after having taken part on it since first year law), the enrolment orientation for the freshies, the registration of fellow students. these and all, i will certainly miss.
there is also fear biting my consciousness. september is just a few weeks away. bar examinations is something i must pass, with all the people surrounding me who have all placed their confidence in me that i shall pass the dreaded exams, i must do my best. it was a relief though, that last year's batch of barristers fared well, that the speaker for our grad also opined that passing the bar has become an occurrence to happen as a matter of course for bedan barristers. my spirits were boosted. i must pass the bar exams.
my graduation is a start of so many changes in my life. but having it "changed" within the confines of san beda law creates nothing but utmost ecstasy.
yey, i am now a member of the sbc alumni association (and can attend its yearly reunions and have a chance to see my crushes)!!! sayang lang, i can no longer marry in the abbey because the authority has been revoked. =)
congratulations self! we made it!
and really, that in all things, God is to be glorified...
the ceremonies swiftly breezed. perhaps, i have not yet ingested the idea that "finally, i have obtained my LLB!" it occurred to me just now that, the student phase of my life has formally ended. i have obtained a bachelor of laws degree. i have earned that degree in san beda law. i am no longer a student.
there are all but mixed emotions that envelopes me right now. i am so happy that finally, i am no longer a tempting subject of humiliation of my professors, no longer the pressured student who has to brave the thought of just coming to class, the absentee classmate who has 'visited' the class once or twice, the girl who always had make-up on (with visible cheek tints), the 'basura' who comes to school as if she had just came from the wet market... i need not fear each day knowing that i am on deck. i need not scout my closet for 'feel-good' outfits. i can now grace the hall near the law dean's office without fear of any professor. i am so elated that, finally, i got what i aspired for and primarily, in the school where i wanted it to come from. the Lord has blessed me indeed.
on the other hand, there is a gnawing sadness, or aptly, emptiness, that strikes me as we march down the aisle. i will greatly miss the everyday classes, the battle of the class, the 'movement for ceasefire' activities, the simple kagaguhan, the shared feeling with the classmates of that fear of being called for recitations, the eskapo to fiorgelato at 6pm, the parties, the beers, the videoke, the concerted motion of the class. i will surely miss all the mistresses of my law school academic life. i will miss coming up with my article/column for The Barrister; and pouring all my canned emotions through the literary folio. i will miss the pressworks, or rather, the presswork con chika work, though ive been to a few only. i will miss the legal aid office, the chorale practices, the bar ops (this i will really miss, after having taken part on it since first year law), the enrolment orientation for the freshies, the registration of fellow students. these and all, i will certainly miss.
there is also fear biting my consciousness. september is just a few weeks away. bar examinations is something i must pass, with all the people surrounding me who have all placed their confidence in me that i shall pass the dreaded exams, i must do my best. it was a relief though, that last year's batch of barristers fared well, that the speaker for our grad also opined that passing the bar has become an occurrence to happen as a matter of course for bedan barristers. my spirits were boosted. i must pass the bar exams.
my graduation is a start of so many changes in my life. but having it "changed" within the confines of san beda law creates nothing but utmost ecstasy.
yey, i am now a member of the sbc alumni association (and can attend its yearly reunions and have a chance to see my crushes)!!! sayang lang, i can no longer marry in the abbey because the authority has been revoked. =)
congratulations self! we made it!
and really, that in all things, God is to be glorified...
Sunday, April 10, 2005
horror movie
the bar results for the last year's exams has just been released yesterday. of course, my alma mater fared well. my organization fared a whole lot better. and fear now starts to creep.
law school has probably caused the most fearful emotions i had since birth. it is one horrendous horror flick, "patayin sa sindak si barbara"-"the others"-and "shake, rattle and roll 1" all combined. i thought i have reached the pinnacle of it all last march 29, during our deliberations, but no. the bar exams will probably scare the hell out of me the most.
a classmate in highschool passed, three orgmates passed. it seemed that everyone i know passed. now, everywhere i go and every person i go out with, flagrantly displays their myriad expectation that i pass the bar that i will take this september. a big boulder on my head, tagged PRESSURE, all tied around it. YOU HAVE TO, no, YOU MUST PASS THE 2005 BAR EXAMS.
at its mere thought, panicky hormones flow inside my head. it has been two weeks since it was confirmed that i will graduate and i havent started yet, not even the 5%-worth subject. i know that it would be pointless to create my own monster to haunt me, but i cannot help but do otherwise. i am but a simple student, a mediocre who luckily passed the rigors of bedan teaching. and i am getting darn scared.
for a start, i would probably start to fix my schedule now. graduation is on tuesday and as soon as it has ended, it shall mark the start of my review - a grueling battle with the ever complacent self. good thing, the Lord has brought me to a better view of the matter, that i have to do well to pass, or more, even with flying colors, all because i have to prove myself worthy of _______ . and another thing, this is all what i have - in the absence of a boyfriend, or even an ardent suitor, or a requited affection perhaps. not even a luxurious lifestyle.
this is my last card. i have to give it a good fight.
law school has probably caused the most fearful emotions i had since birth. it is one horrendous horror flick, "patayin sa sindak si barbara"-"the others"-and "shake, rattle and roll 1" all combined. i thought i have reached the pinnacle of it all last march 29, during our deliberations, but no. the bar exams will probably scare the hell out of me the most.
a classmate in highschool passed, three orgmates passed. it seemed that everyone i know passed. now, everywhere i go and every person i go out with, flagrantly displays their myriad expectation that i pass the bar that i will take this september. a big boulder on my head, tagged PRESSURE, all tied around it. YOU HAVE TO, no, YOU MUST PASS THE 2005 BAR EXAMS.
at its mere thought, panicky hormones flow inside my head. it has been two weeks since it was confirmed that i will graduate and i havent started yet, not even the 5%-worth subject. i know that it would be pointless to create my own monster to haunt me, but i cannot help but do otherwise. i am but a simple student, a mediocre who luckily passed the rigors of bedan teaching. and i am getting darn scared.
for a start, i would probably start to fix my schedule now. graduation is on tuesday and as soon as it has ended, it shall mark the start of my review - a grueling battle with the ever complacent self. good thing, the Lord has brought me to a better view of the matter, that i have to do well to pass, or more, even with flying colors, all because i have to prove myself worthy of _______ . and another thing, this is all what i have - in the absence of a boyfriend, or even an ardent suitor, or a requited affection perhaps. not even a luxurious lifestyle.
this is my last card. i have to give it a good fight.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
new members of the bar
my congratulations to all my friends and fellow bedans who passed the "death-inducing" bar examinations...
to EFREN VINCENT DIZON, who ranked fifth, congrats efie... twasnt tsamba, lam naman namin magaling ka (di lang sa girls). you truly made the sedlex proud, including us, your friends. at ang libre, dont forget...
to MYRA BENGAN,remember this message >>>>> of cors u wil graduate, as certain as i wil pas d bar, nt bcoz of r own doin bt bcoz God loves us. kip d faith.<<<<<<<< di ba nagkatotoo talaga. all d hard works have paid off, time to walk down the aisle na! hehehe...
to KENNETH LIM, congrats! so what should we call you na, engr o atty? hehehe...
to PAM MERCADO, ang anting anting ay effective, ang salamin at ang....hehehe...congrats pam, grabe baka di na kita makulit nyan!
to CARRIE SIANGHIO, buddy!!! see, you passed! kaw talaga takot ka pa eh magaling ak naman talaga. im proud to be your buddy! =)
to ALEX, MONETTE, PANCHO, RHIO, DOY, TJ, KIKO, LAIDA, RJ NI KATS, CHARLIE, and all the other BEDAN PEOPLE who successfully hurdled the bar exams, congratulations!!!
to MONICA CECILIA ALMEIDA, JOHN PAUL REFUERZO, OLIVER BELTRAN ni MONICA, all from UST Law, congratulations! NIKAY na praning, ang kulit di ba, i told you'll be okay! =)
>>>>> and i really believe that FAITH is a whole lot powerful than any armor and as nikay said, GOD is a whole lot stronger than the supreme court. <<<<<<
>>>>> which reminds me, i have 16 weeks to go before my own judgment day comes. haaayyy... the ordeal i got myself into... =)
to EFREN VINCENT DIZON, who ranked fifth, congrats efie... twasnt tsamba, lam naman namin magaling ka (di lang sa girls). you truly made the sedlex proud, including us, your friends. at ang libre, dont forget...
to MYRA BENGAN,remember this message >>>>> of cors u wil graduate, as certain as i wil pas d bar, nt bcoz of r own doin bt bcoz God loves us. kip d faith.<<<<<<<< di ba nagkatotoo talaga. all d hard works have paid off, time to walk down the aisle na! hehehe...
to KENNETH LIM, congrats! so what should we call you na, engr o atty? hehehe...
to PAM MERCADO, ang anting anting ay effective, ang salamin at ang....hehehe...congrats pam, grabe baka di na kita makulit nyan!
to CARRIE SIANGHIO, buddy!!! see, you passed! kaw talaga takot ka pa eh magaling ak naman talaga. im proud to be your buddy! =)
to ALEX, MONETTE, PANCHO, RHIO, DOY, TJ, KIKO, LAIDA, RJ NI KATS, CHARLIE, and all the other BEDAN PEOPLE who successfully hurdled the bar exams, congratulations!!!
to MONICA CECILIA ALMEIDA, JOHN PAUL REFUERZO, OLIVER BELTRAN ni MONICA, all from UST Law, congratulations! NIKAY na praning, ang kulit di ba, i told you'll be okay! =)
>>>>> and i really believe that FAITH is a whole lot powerful than any armor and as nikay said, GOD is a whole lot stronger than the supreme court. <<<<<<
>>>>> which reminds me, i have 16 weeks to go before my own judgment day comes. haaayyy... the ordeal i got myself into... =)
Sunday, April 03, 2005
and HE spoke
today is april 2, four days after the scariest day of my life (so far)... four days ago, HE spoke.
on the eve of the "judgment day," i planned on staying awake until the cocks crow on the 29th. but being really tired from having searched for the perfect graduation gift for my nephew, and aside from from the bare fact that i am such a sleepyhead, my body chose to retire - but after a really GOOD prayer which i have not had for years.
i recall Jesus in Gethsemane, praying really hard as He was coiled in deep fear of His impending crucifixion. and i was just as happy that God the Father has given His Son to mankind; otherwise, anyone would have feel really justified saying the usual after-having-sinned line, "tao lang ako." Jesus was sent to be a mortal, like all of us are, has gone through the same things we are going through. it was a deep sigh of relief that He too was like us, and that it is plausible that we could have done things His way, as He too was human. with that thought in my mind, and the "Agony in the Garden," i resolved to pray doubly hard - like Jesus has done. and it was fruitful.
back in highschool, i am involved in this religious group "Children of Mary" which has magnified the faith that my parents has imbibed in me. our adviser, mrs. lucy ricamonte (who has passed away; bless her soul), taught us that while praying we should not just do the talking. we have to be silent for a while, and let HIM speak through the heart. in highschool, i was used to praying like that. but as i have previously written, the deep faith was drowned by the spoonful of atheism and/or agnosticism dying to be swallowed whole.
having been reminded of this (i suppose, by the Holy Spirit), after muttering the fervent prayer of being able to graduate, i kept silent. and HE spoke. i was asked by HIM to look around me. i gasped at the wonderful sight of the skies, kept alive by the twinkling stars, and was amazed that it was HE who had done these. then HE told me, "if I was able to have done all these, what more can I not do?" HE was telling me that HE can do a lot of things. if He was able to create these wonderful things, the favor of me graduating on April 12 would be very easy. further, HE told me that "if I was able to sacrifice My own Son for people like I am, how much more granting this prayer?" then i prayed the prayer which i was previously so hesitant to utter (in fear that what he has in store for me is a world other than lawyering) - "i leave everything up to you, Lord."
then i dozed off to sleep.
that morning was my nephew's graduation, which has helped my really nervous entirety to keep my mind off the impending "judgment day." as the ceremonies came to an end, i wanted so badly for the world to stop turning. at 12 noon, the deliberations of the faculty shall commence.
i hardly ate, despite the sumptuous meal. as i have told my friends before whenever there is an occasion for me to turn into a nervous wreck --- "there is a sportsfest of mice off my chest and a family of butterflies, bees and all sorts of insects thriving in my stomach," it perfectly characterized how i felt then.
then at an hour past 12, i left home, to my place of solitude. i cannot bear the thought of waiting in school until the decision comes out. but even before i have finished the second decade of the sorrowful mystery of the Holy Rosary, my friend Jen [see www.feelingchinita.blogspot.com] called.
"Friend, ok na lahat tayo!"
paying no attention to what my co-passenger would think, i bursted into tears. HE spoke. and HE worked.
on the eve of the "judgment day," i planned on staying awake until the cocks crow on the 29th. but being really tired from having searched for the perfect graduation gift for my nephew, and aside from from the bare fact that i am such a sleepyhead, my body chose to retire - but after a really GOOD prayer which i have not had for years.
i recall Jesus in Gethsemane, praying really hard as He was coiled in deep fear of His impending crucifixion. and i was just as happy that God the Father has given His Son to mankind; otherwise, anyone would have feel really justified saying the usual after-having-sinned line, "tao lang ako." Jesus was sent to be a mortal, like all of us are, has gone through the same things we are going through. it was a deep sigh of relief that He too was like us, and that it is plausible that we could have done things His way, as He too was human. with that thought in my mind, and the "Agony in the Garden," i resolved to pray doubly hard - like Jesus has done. and it was fruitful.
back in highschool, i am involved in this religious group "Children of Mary" which has magnified the faith that my parents has imbibed in me. our adviser, mrs. lucy ricamonte (who has passed away; bless her soul), taught us that while praying we should not just do the talking. we have to be silent for a while, and let HIM speak through the heart. in highschool, i was used to praying like that. but as i have previously written, the deep faith was drowned by the spoonful of atheism and/or agnosticism dying to be swallowed whole.
having been reminded of this (i suppose, by the Holy Spirit), after muttering the fervent prayer of being able to graduate, i kept silent. and HE spoke. i was asked by HIM to look around me. i gasped at the wonderful sight of the skies, kept alive by the twinkling stars, and was amazed that it was HE who had done these. then HE told me, "if I was able to have done all these, what more can I not do?" HE was telling me that HE can do a lot of things. if He was able to create these wonderful things, the favor of me graduating on April 12 would be very easy. further, HE told me that "if I was able to sacrifice My own Son for people like I am, how much more granting this prayer?" then i prayed the prayer which i was previously so hesitant to utter (in fear that what he has in store for me is a world other than lawyering) - "i leave everything up to you, Lord."
then i dozed off to sleep.
that morning was my nephew's graduation, which has helped my really nervous entirety to keep my mind off the impending "judgment day." as the ceremonies came to an end, i wanted so badly for the world to stop turning. at 12 noon, the deliberations of the faculty shall commence.
i hardly ate, despite the sumptuous meal. as i have told my friends before whenever there is an occasion for me to turn into a nervous wreck --- "there is a sportsfest of mice off my chest and a family of butterflies, bees and all sorts of insects thriving in my stomach," it perfectly characterized how i felt then.
then at an hour past 12, i left home, to my place of solitude. i cannot bear the thought of waiting in school until the decision comes out. but even before i have finished the second decade of the sorrowful mystery of the Holy Rosary, my friend Jen [see www.feelingchinita.blogspot.com] called.
"Friend, ok na lahat tayo!"
paying no attention to what my co-passenger would think, i bursted into tears. HE spoke. and HE worked.
Friday, March 25, 2005
of miracles and hope
last wednesday, my sister and i went to the st. clare monastery in katipunan. the monastery is a solace amidst the irresolute traffic of worries that has pervaded my mind lately. it is, as the cliche goes, a piece of heaven in earth. there was this line that was posted near the "offertory area" that has attracted my attention, which, i would like to share. that line has inspired me a lot which i am now sharing, with a hope that anyone who gets a view of my blog will be inspired as well. believe me, from that time that i have read it, i was filled with hope (not expectation =)) that HE will grant my prayers... it was a line from st. clare herself, which says:
"DO NOT EASILY BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE HELPLESS - FOR EVEN IN THE SMALLEST OF RESOURCES, THERE IS A MIRACLE IN MAKING."
Amen. =)
"DO NOT EASILY BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE HELPLESS - FOR EVEN IN THE SMALLEST OF RESOURCES, THERE IS A MIRACLE IN MAKING."
Amen. =)
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
faith
i am neither smart, witty, not even lucky. i just happen to be blessed by my Creator.
in turbulent times like these, i only attribute whatever strength i have to HIM. i find it difficult to wake up each morning knowing that my days are "numbered." plus the fact that the uncertainty grows each waking hour. and there is nothing i can do about it! i can think about it all i want but it would never guarantee a seat in the benedictine abbey come april 12. neither will it solve anything. all i have been doing for the past days is eat, tv, play with my nephew,net,clean my room - and recently, pray.
i 'was' a prayerful person. since childhood, i would write messages to God about my pets, my favorite actresses, anything i could think of. the religosity started to wane in highschool when i was beset by self-created problems. and i got really "lost" back in college when atheism is a curiousity dying to be fed. but probably, He has a way of bringing me back. I got into loads of worries with my calculi (calculus, in its plural form, hehe) and my economics classes. I don't know what brought me to Katipunan Ave. --- the St. Clare Monastery. Until now, I cannot clearly figure out how I got there; all I could remember was it turned into my refuge come examinations day. It wasn't luck i know. It was Him, with the intercession of the Blessed Mother and the prayers of my St. Clare...I passed all my subjects.
san beda law has enormously kept my faith in its pinnacle. with each uncertain, horrifying day spent, there is no one I could have leaned on but Him. and now, as I am faced with the most uncertain and most horrifying day of my life, my wall of rock, my refuge is HIM.
whenever I think about these current worry pressing my entirety, HIS figure pops out, HIS words come flashing, there is no need for worry for HE is there. As what was written in the Monastery of St. Clare, in each small thing, there is always a miracle. and i am leaving all to HIS care. I am trusting HIM that HE would bless me this small miracle, for my parents happiness and mine as well.
i am leaving all up to you now, BOSS. YOU are all i have.
in turbulent times like these, i only attribute whatever strength i have to HIM. i find it difficult to wake up each morning knowing that my days are "numbered." plus the fact that the uncertainty grows each waking hour. and there is nothing i can do about it! i can think about it all i want but it would never guarantee a seat in the benedictine abbey come april 12. neither will it solve anything. all i have been doing for the past days is eat, tv, play with my nephew,net,clean my room - and recently, pray.
i 'was' a prayerful person. since childhood, i would write messages to God about my pets, my favorite actresses, anything i could think of. the religosity started to wane in highschool when i was beset by self-created problems. and i got really "lost" back in college when atheism is a curiousity dying to be fed. but probably, He has a way of bringing me back. I got into loads of worries with my calculi (calculus, in its plural form, hehe) and my economics classes. I don't know what brought me to Katipunan Ave. --- the St. Clare Monastery. Until now, I cannot clearly figure out how I got there; all I could remember was it turned into my refuge come examinations day. It wasn't luck i know. It was Him, with the intercession of the Blessed Mother and the prayers of my St. Clare...I passed all my subjects.
san beda law has enormously kept my faith in its pinnacle. with each uncertain, horrifying day spent, there is no one I could have leaned on but Him. and now, as I am faced with the most uncertain and most horrifying day of my life, my wall of rock, my refuge is HIM.
whenever I think about these current worry pressing my entirety, HIS figure pops out, HIS words come flashing, there is no need for worry for HE is there. As what was written in the Monastery of St. Clare, in each small thing, there is always a miracle. and i am leaving all to HIS care. I am trusting HIM that HE would bless me this small miracle, for my parents happiness and mine as well.
i am leaving all up to you now, BOSS. YOU are all i have.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
paranoia at its peak
fourteen days from now, my life will be decided.
to become a lawyer is not really a childhood dream in my case. it's unbelievable but my career plan when i was a grader is to become a nun. i do not know how i landed in political science in college. to earn a degree in psychology or in accountancy was my belated aspiration (it came a few months after i have taken the upcat exam). to go to law school is not a surprise to the people around me. but for me, it was.
political science is a heavy stuff that i bore with for four years. perhaps, to learn something exciting... and also to escape the probable status of being unemployed - i tried on law school. like some stiletto that would look so nice, law school is pretty much "painful" as well. my brain has earned callouses which would be a no-match to the 17 years i have devoted in school (getting to school at 3 years old). i have lost and gained a lot of things while i drove through the freaky ride.
things i lost: a lovelife (and has consistently lost), a social life (as if!), most importantly, my self-esteem. each class is a harrowing experience especially for complacent and "i-rely-on-my-logic" people like i am. from my once uber proud opinion of my self, i have developed a high quality low regard of myself.
things i gained: weight, pimples, layers of "bilbil." each harrowing class is equivalent to loads of carbo, chocolates and carbonated drinks that i have to stuff myself with - only to survive the wee hours trying to ingest as well the loads of assignment for next day's recitations.
five years in law school is something that i will always cherish. not only because of the friendships built with classmates who have witnessed the worst in me, but also it has given me the idea that i am still able of doing things - and i have done a lot of things i love. not to mention all the unrequited love that has stormed my five years in law school.
and i hope come march 29, they will allow me to mark my five year journey with a wonderful blast --- that i finally graduate on april 12, 2005 --- my only wish.
to become a lawyer is not really a childhood dream in my case. it's unbelievable but my career plan when i was a grader is to become a nun. i do not know how i landed in political science in college. to earn a degree in psychology or in accountancy was my belated aspiration (it came a few months after i have taken the upcat exam). to go to law school is not a surprise to the people around me. but for me, it was.
political science is a heavy stuff that i bore with for four years. perhaps, to learn something exciting... and also to escape the probable status of being unemployed - i tried on law school. like some stiletto that would look so nice, law school is pretty much "painful" as well. my brain has earned callouses which would be a no-match to the 17 years i have devoted in school (getting to school at 3 years old). i have lost and gained a lot of things while i drove through the freaky ride.
things i lost: a lovelife (and has consistently lost), a social life (as if!), most importantly, my self-esteem. each class is a harrowing experience especially for complacent and "i-rely-on-my-logic" people like i am. from my once uber proud opinion of my self, i have developed a high quality low regard of myself.
things i gained: weight, pimples, layers of "bilbil." each harrowing class is equivalent to loads of carbo, chocolates and carbonated drinks that i have to stuff myself with - only to survive the wee hours trying to ingest as well the loads of assignment for next day's recitations.
five years in law school is something that i will always cherish. not only because of the friendships built with classmates who have witnessed the worst in me, but also it has given me the idea that i am still able of doing things - and i have done a lot of things i love. not to mention all the unrequited love that has stormed my five years in law school.
and i hope come march 29, they will allow me to mark my five year journey with a wonderful blast --- that i finally graduate on april 12, 2005 --- my only wish.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
15 minutes
two exams down. three to go.
i was supposed to be on my "second round" of reviewing the eight subjects for my exams tomorrow. commercial law [or mercantile law] is not my cup of tea [as if i have one, parang all of the subjects nga in the bar exams i am ignoramus of].
i was supposed to be "sleepless." but i am not. i just had eight wonderful hours of sleep.
i am just hopin that in a few hours the fright, and all the nerbyos would make me really praning so that all the adrenaline would send me back in my room...
ah, the drama that is law school.
i was supposed to be on my "second round" of reviewing the eight subjects for my exams tomorrow. commercial law [or mercantile law] is not my cup of tea [as if i have one, parang all of the subjects nga in the bar exams i am ignoramus of].
i was supposed to be "sleepless." but i am not. i just had eight wonderful hours of sleep.
i am just hopin that in a few hours the fright, and all the nerbyos would make me really praning so that all the adrenaline would send me back in my room...
ah, the drama that is law school.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
finals
| i am about to take the last final exams in my life --- God-willing. this is all i ever wanted in my life (aside from taking the bar once and passing it), and i am bargaining even my chance of walking down the aisle just to attain these two "wishes" in my life. please include me in your prayers. [p.s. ergo, i am about to commence my hibernation starting tonight =)]table id="HB_Mail_Container" height="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0" unselectable="on"> Thursday, February 24, 2005jammed head...
my mind is in a complete mess right now. with so much responsibilities to attend to, if i am not that careful, i might even forget that i have to breathe! =) exag? definitely, not for a an uber-OC person that i am. so let me take this space to dish out my thoughts...
1. Final Exams starts March 7... Problem? Loads of backlogs! And this is my FINAL chance to make myself a 'probable' candidate for graduation! Men, i really have to. With five hell years in law school, i have to get myself out of it before i turn into a whacko! I have barely two weeks to cover everything. Well, i suppose that the only way is to set my schedule straight! No TV! No surfing! [temporary cessation of business,hehehe]... Pray that I overcome all the temptations! 2. Yearbook stuffs... This has been the source of the tremendous stress in my life lately (and the reason why my mobile phone bill has ballooned to 2 kiao! hay... la naman boylet to text with... hehehe) I enjoy the work. It's just that, sometimes, lately, I am into the "pissed-off" mode lately. While my classmates spend their time mastering the assigned readings, I am swallowed open by yearbook stuffs! Sobra na akong nalalamangan. Hehe. And what do I get??? Nada. Nothing. Wala. I have never been an attention-craver kind of person; however, a simple appreciation would do. Eh ala, so sobrang pasensya na lang talaga. Even a simple "thanks tin!" wala talaga. What pains me the most is that they, all of them, treat me like a slave. Wait, boss ako dito ninyo. =) Do I have the "Everyone's Slave" tag posted on my head??? Hehehe... Nagbubruha na naman ako. Wala naman. Probably, there are just three things that I want: One, na sana naman maging thankful sila kahit konti. I am not paid for doing these stuffs, and I dont want to consider myself their aliping saguiguilid so sana na lang.... Second, sana naman all of those who imposed obligations to themselves do their part. Kasawa na mag-ask, kasawa na din mag-remind... And, sana buhay pa hustisya sa mundo. Yun lang! =) 3. My school paper stuffs... Being the managing editor, there are dirty works that I have to attend to --- our finance! Since our final exams is around the corner, I have to liquidate the recently acquired operational expenses we requested! Haaayyyy... 4. Recent disappointments pulling me down: a. I feel really boba lately. It's no exaggeration. With my ultimately magulo recitation in Commercial Law Rev yesterday, I feel like bursting into tears. Just imagine, the topic is a personal favorite [Transportation Laws]. Liability of common carriers. Got a really good foundation with a terror prof and earned an A-Ok grade and what have I done?! I babbled nonchalantly. I know the answer, the topic - by heart. But what happened? Bokya. Not that bokya according to a friend. But by my standard [with my supposed stored knowledge and the preparations I had], it was a failure. And why? Simply because I can see my crush, who was a few seats away from me, looking at me while I recite. Ma-conscious ba?!!! Basta, it's still s*itty. b. A quiz under the same subject. Question No. 2 --- What are the moral rights of an author? Patay. Did not memorize them deliberately. Men, with the boba quiz that I just had the other week where I incurred a really depressing grade. Hay.... c. Got my grad pic. Mukhang pisngi and ilong na tinubuan ng mukha. Bad. Pathetic. d. Of course, add to these the constant 'envy' and low self-esteem that I am having. When the people around you do good, you start thinking, am I really that boba? And my answer? A cold yes. And another worry... There was this rumor in class that no one failed in one of our subjects, but there were three who failed in another. And this another is where I exhibited my katangahan after a "Do you agree" question and had a poorly calculated distribution of testate and intestate shares. To you who reads this entry, please say a prayer for me --- wag naman sana ako one of this trio. Please pray that I graduate na. A really jammed head... With a stupid heart still looking at 'him' who has recently made me feel highschool-y kilig again yesterday when he placed his muscular arms around my shoulder, called me baby, got really, really close (as in sobra di ako makahinga) just because he wanted to see his grad pics which I cannot release because he has accounts to settle pa. Haayyy.. Anyone capable of chopping this head off? Thursday, February 17, 2005i concede...
today, i watched as my heart dropped..
to succumb to the call of living in a dreamland obsessing oneself with creepy thoughts of falling, haplessy, for someone i thought could have been 'mine' now remain as irrational thoughts that has once flooded my soul though the happiness has elated me lifted me high to a dimension where i would have always wanted to be at and perpetually remain though these are all the feelings that i have longed for and the only reason for the inner symphony i concede... i give up... i choose to let go... before the thud could crush the sanctity of my emotions and bury me deep down the ravine... *a mediocre's attempt to articulate the pain that she is currently going through as she learned that there was never really "mine" but only a "her" and that irrefutably this is another heartache to add to the looong list she has. Sunday, February 13, 2005kilig moments
I had a lot of HIM this week. Twas our retreat (recollection, whatever) at Tagaste in Tagaytay and aside from the really gago moments with my classmates, there were "aaawww,kakilig naman" times with MINE...
1. Tin, Tabi tayo... As I passed by his seat in our section's bus, he grabbed my left arm and said these words. Being the torpe that I am, I only managed to say, "Nyek, dun ako no, dami chibog." How kanto girlish!!! hehe.. 2. Tin, wat tym tyo alis?... Was his text message before the class met at school. I joked at my roomies that it could be probably be that you wanted to know about our wedding at Calaruega, which, earlier that day I have babbled about. 3. He sat beside me and placed his head on my right shoulder... A friend left her chair so when I came in late at the conference hall, he sat on the chair beside mine, said Hi and sleepily rested his head on my shoulder. My reaction: "Ano ka ba?!" Sabay tabig sa ulo nya. hehehe... 4. He stroked my right knee as if trying to make me laugh... During the entire talk, he was so kulit. He would ask candies, ask me about really green stuffs [gusto mo makita mga kapatid ko then pointed to his shirt with monkies drawn on it and then asked something, wag na, kadiri eh] and about really uber-y gago stuffs. Then, still making kulit, he poked my right knee so many times that I "elbowed" him. haaay... 5. Sweetheart, mamaya ha, hintayin kita sa bed ko after dinner ha... While he pressed my shoulders, massage ata yun, crushing my shoulder blades with his gigantic arms... Lakas talaga mang-asar. Hay. Ask me how I replied. "Gago." How witty. 6. Ang bango mo naman.... This he remarked after kakilig moment number 3, then I smiled... =) 7. O bakit andyan ka, bakit mo nililigawan yan?... I was chatting with another guy friend then he approached us out of the darkness. Guy friend said: "Ang bango-bango talaga ni Tin no." His answer? The how I wish he said it line. haayyy... 8. You are nice, caring and friendly and your (sic) my friend. ---- _________ We had a Team Building Activity wherein we passed sheets of papers where our names were written and each classmate should give one positive remark that they remember about us. This was what he wrote. Kakilig daw. But sometimes, I would discount this thought, he might be even putting a demarcation to where I must place myself in. hahahaha... pessimism really. And of course, I'd never forget february 4, 2005, friday... when he placed his left arm on my shoulders and said "ano na baby?!" haayyyy... pathetic. happy vday. just in case the day exists. =) bakit di na lang totohanin? [my valentine blog]
As if valentine existed...
Well, it is not necessary that there is reciprocated affection in order that one can claim participation in the much-commercialized V-day... I have every right to assert my ever-hidden affection [not Constitutionally-backed though]... And to you, MINE, the penultimate source of my glee lately, i would have sent you a bunch of flowers a la stalker, with all the balloons to match the colorful mums, and a tiny card saying, THANK YOU... But I am a classic coward lately, as evidenced by the non-existence of my vocal chords everytime you come near me. And how can I possibly offer these all if I can be caught flagrante since our seats a just three feet apart?!!! Let me settle by thanking you through my YOU-centered blog! Perhaps, it had been a lot easier really saying things through flowers and all other sorts of mushy stuffs... If only I had the guts to do so, I would have... But all the boldness that I had during college were all eaten by the monster called law school... Who would have thought that it is you that could make me cheery (and go to class) amidst the hustle and bustle of 4th year law? Who would have thought that the person who could make me smile lately was the guy whom I have considered as the King of Kadeadmahan of our batch, the very nosy and "speaker-ed" loud talker??? My 4th year life would have not been really fun in your absence [with no one to have a crushie on, for me, law school would be a bore] and i thank you for that... Sana na lang all your jokes would become true one day... Sana....
Thursday, January 27, 2005pissed off
three examinations in a row... and i cannot even be proud that my efforts were rewarded in any of them. i feel like a real stupida lurking in law school.
after almost a week of barely having a social life, after having deprived myself of portions of sleep which i treasure dearly in my life lately - i am down with nothing but "s**t, ang dami kong mali!" luckily, fate has a way of appeasing my "bruised" soul. as we were about to go home kanina after our exams, he greeted me - not only that, he made a really, really sweet gesture. he touched my neck! hehehe... by the way, may i just "proudly" mention that i am into telenovelas lately. i have my "tin time" every 10am [m-f], with dolphin bay...every 9pm [m-f], with stairway to heaven [tho i really despise seeing this wicked to the nth level mother and daughter tandem], and endless love 1 every sat and sun... =p i am getting a grip of my sanity here, and what a way to hold tight to them than thru such chino/koreanovelas!!! there goes the life of a law student who only has one sure "correctly-answered" part in all exams, her name. Wednesday, January 19, 2005lull before the storm
i was supposed to be sitting in class as of this hour, lazily scanning the probable answers that our professor shots the class with ---- while praying really hard that my name be invisible in his record. with all the technical definitions and enumerations that the securities regulations code has flooded my mind with, it could be suicide to be in class.
but i was spared. all of us. =) the class asked for a ceasefire (in Beda law lingo, this refers to a timeout, either from having classes or the dreaded recitations, which either way is a relief in the "battle" where we are trapped in), such was granted! thank god! well, aside from that we will be having no classes tomorrow and i have the grand opportunity to be absent the following day... calls for a celebration??? Nah, it is indeed the lull before the storm. i resolve to keep my hands off the keyboard or the remote control for that matter, starting tonight until the 29th. starting this saturday, we will be having our midterm examinations and this calls for the penultimate preparation, moreso for a cramming student like i am --- with my tons of backlogs, i must eat and breathe my books and no other. so, off for now! i am hoping and really praying that this be the last midterm examinations in my life! ever since law school, i have skipped the idea of taking another degree (except perhaps, special education??? hehe)!!!! wish me luck! =p Sunday, January 16, 2005things that i did which i am not supposed to do...
Sunday, January 09, 2005lunch break
he was absent.
it's obvious, i looked for him. after the "harrowing pain" that made me hibernate for two days (well, aside from the case reports that i have to finsih), my bratty heart is back, and it would not entertain the idea of forgetting that some sparks flew for this guy. pasaway indeed. despite having heard some chika about him and a classmate having a 'past,' here i am still stuck with thoughts of how remarkably funny, smart and irritatingly cute he could be at times. if this is some sort of a joke, it is no longer funny. the cliffhanging me seemed to fell down the abyss of the trap set by him. i am getting deeply involved with the idea of liking him - to the point of thinking how wonderful it could be if he could be mine. the other day, i watched this korean movie, ING (which i assure you is a must-see), and thoughts about him flooded the gaps of my gray matter until i slept. the guy in this movie is an ultimately funny guy (and irrestistably cutie) and i could not help but see him in this character. oh, illusions cast pain indeed. the thought of liking him, though, gets into my nerves. though i cannot stop thinking about him, i hate the thought that i am indeed liking him and thinking about him. it's sickening. to say that i am confused would be an understatement. so much about that for now... did i say that i asked a friend to cook up a blind date for me? i texted efie last wednesday telling him that, again, i am 'sawi' and obliged him at the same time to look for a date for me. the following day, i just realized that he and alex, another friend from Beda, were conspiring to cook up a date for me. being the imaginative (wishful desperada) girl that i am, i busied myself with 'impossible' thoughts. and now, i just discovered, through the help of another friend, Yayo, that this mr.blind date is someone from Beda as well. i have no oppositions to this idea. it's just that i wanted to start anew and being involved with another Bedista would not do any good, aside from the fact that i know this guy and he is all but a friend to me. =) true, beggars cannot be choosers but then, what is the use if there are no sparks??? which brings me back to 'mine'. and lurkily, fate has its way of teasing you. at this moment that i am encoding this paragraph, a song so unlikely for a hibernating me gets to be played in the internet cafe. and it made me smile. s**t, wag naman sana ganito --- i've fallen for you. not now. not with a classmate. but then, i am wishin he'd be present at our next class. =) Thursday, January 06, 2005sawi (na naman), para kay 'mine' na pilit nang kalilimutan
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