thank you [033006immortalized]

it was an answered prayer.

7:45 pm, the mass had ended. i felt so lost that only a priest could probably send me back to my senses. sure, i wanted to have a confession - but having somebody listen to my worries, fears and doubts was my primary concern. i recited the sins i have committed and finally, admitted to the priest as well that i would like to apologize to God for not letting go of whatever that bothers my mind, for feeling so afraid to loosen the grip and let Him do the works, for being so hesitant to surrender. then the priest told me that i need not be afraid. and that, if i fail, i should not regret anything. [yup, those were his exact words.] that made me shiver even more.

then i knelt down as i walked out of the confessional box. there were a few people left in the chapel. i let loose, i cried so hard because of the great fear that has engulfed me.

then i felt my mobile phone vibrated. i took a peek and saw it was jes. she works for SC justice nazario and i asked her to call me as soon as she gets the results. things went a bit blurred then. all i could remember was jes shouting, "we passed!"

the first two lines i uttered, "what have i done to deserve this Lord? how can I ever repay You?"

He was so good to me. i know myself best - and i know that i have so less to offer. i am certain of my limitations. and all i know is that, it was Him who did everything. hindi po ako ang magaling. honest. Siya lahat yun. let us just say that i was just physically present then for four sundays - and everything else came from Him.

i thank YOU Lord. my fortress. my staunch supporter. my friend.
i hope to give back everything that you have given me. all of these are Yours. this is Thy miracle, Thy victory.
congratulations Lord. i love You.

p.s. of course, Mama Mary was also there for me [Mother of Perpetual Help, Our Lady of Manaoag, Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and the Our Lady of Miraculous Medal], who, upon my pangungulit has obtained a wonderful miracle in my favor. and also, my heavenly friends, St. Clare [UP days pa lang, you have not failed me ever], St. Therese of the Child Jesus, St. Philomena, St. Mary Gorretti, St. Jude, St. Expeditus, St. Peregrine, Child Jesus of Prague, Holy Nazarene, Holy Angels and my dear Guardian Angel, Rece. mahal na mahal ko po kayo. thank you for bearing with my kakulitan and interceding for me.

p.p.s. who wouldn't forget GOD's GIFTS??? friends who supported you all the way and prayed with you...
alphabetically arranged po [according sa phone ko, hehe] =D
alisher jolejole, allan carreon, arvin gavino, atty. carrie sianghio [thanks so much buddy!], atty. dang montemayor-abas, atty. efren dizon, atty. jean pamittan [si boss], atty. jp refuerzo, atty. laida pua, atty. marie pahate, atty. monique almeida [my mentor], atty. myra bengan, atty. pam mercado, atty. ped faytaren, atty. raffy palma, atty. richmond lee, blue macalinao, brandon domingo, bumbo cruz, cha lasan, che mercado, cheng parenas [sa september, see u!], cleo [ping! thank u talaga] and brian basco,dra.weng ladero, dred velasco [all the way from dubai], aase ebreo, ate eloisa sajul, ethel [my DEAREST ethel. mwah! ill move heaven and earth sa turn mo!], evonie cajanding, jackie bautista, jenny casimiro, atty. jessica vitug [yey! congrats], joan callos, jong rodio, mary anne miranda [ang mas kabado pa sa akin], milen remolacio [hugot], miss dijan, miss laguador, nina abania [buddy!!!], pambie herrera [salamat po], pam chavez [buddy ulit!], pochie, raymond jamin, rica tugadi [double buddy! hehe, beda at sedlex], roselyn anciano, roxanne feliciano[my prayer warrior], thea albaytar, tita thelma lasan, yette galang [OO yette! isa ka talagang anghel, salamat sa yo at sa pagtitiwala], maya, the snc family. sa dami ng tao na nag-pray for me, di ba mabibingi talaga si Lord?

FINALLY many thanks to daddy and mommy, to whom i offer this wonderful present from God. i only intend to make you happy and my only goal in life is to let you experience so many great things. to my siblings, my sister in law, our angel at home, my niece clarisse and my bebe clarence, who has fervently included me in his night prayers. also to my relatives, ay dami na nito, hehe. special mention to my tita baby, tita oreng and my cousin engr. jeff realis. =) ay salamat po.

IT WAS A DAY I WILL SURELY CHERISH. A DAY I'VE LEARNED THAT TRUSTING GOD IS WORTH EVERYTHING. A DAY WHEN I HAVE EXPERIENCED THAT TRULY, GOD'S LOVE FOR ME IS SOMETHING I MUSTN'T QUESTION AT ALL. AFTER ALL, WHO IN HIS RIGHT MIND WOULD'VE GIVEN HIS ONLY SON, OR ALLOWED HIMSELF TO BE THE SACRIFICIAL LAMB - FOR ME - JUST TO MANIFEST HIS LOVE??? only God, only Jesus.

final destination

before you get pretty excited, this post isn't about that movie. this, for me, is much more scary than that. i'm feeling the chills, my heart sure wants to bail out, can't breathe well, barely slept for days now, and my reproductive system hasn't stopped releasing the unlaid egg cells for twenty or so days now. i am so scared. ammm... scared would be an understatement.

heard from the grapevine that the 2005 bar results will be out by march 30 (or 31, if the SC justices aren't done with the deliberations yet). that's like a week from now. i wasn't at all into writing this scaredy feelings but after bloghopping from one site to another, i felt this is the right thing to do - unless i wanted to die before the results are released (hmmm... gives me the idea huh!).

visited several blog sites, all written by ateneans who took the same exams i had september last year. they were all as scared as i am, except for one who i found out was the batch valedictorian (crush ko na naman niq! hehe). all three girls whose bar-related entries i read expressed the same desire that i passionately have as well - to pass the bar. all were scared, hoping for the best but expecting for the worst - and making a post-bar analysis on how they fared in their exams which wasn't, as they put it, that good. i emphatize with them.

i am so scared as hell right now. if anyone wishes to hire me as a suicide bomber, i'd go for it. if i could choose when to die, that would be now. i don't know. kung yung mga atenista na eh ganun na nararamdaman, pano pa ako na bedista lang!

add to that the icky entry in one of the blogs i visited saying that only about 13%, 800 daw, made it (prior to the SC delibs) out of the almost six thou people who took it. isn't that scare-inducing, leading you to the Q whether you think you could be included in the lucky 13%, and answering the Q yourself?! this is contrary to what my friend working at the SC texted me, na mataas daw passing percentage this year. ewan ko.

this is one of the few moments in my life when i planned nothing. good or bad, wala akong alam gawin. kahit pa nga birthday plans for myself (and my bebi nephew's), nada! one day at a time ang drama ko, so not like me.
but i am left with no choice, i know not what the future (or at least the following week) holds for me.

this entry sums up to zero. i am scared, really scared - and all that is left for me to do is pray. i have been so kulit with Kuya lately, pati kay 'Nay. baka madaan sa pangungulit. the reply i got? ala pa eh. but the Marriage at Cana, one of the Mysteries of Light, just popped out of my mind. it's the first time that Jesus had to perform a miracle, upon the proddings of Mama Mary - by turning the water into wine, the best wine served during that ceremony where they were visitors. it wasn't the right time yet for Jesus to perform a miracle, but He did. Ganun kamahal ni Kuya si Inay. sana Kuya will be touched by my and Inay's pangungulit.

to my friends reading this, samahan mo naman ako sa pangungulit kay Kuya.

waaahhhh

takot na ko sobra.

what's worse is that ako ang gumagawa ng multo ko. it all started with my classmate's email sa yahoo group ng batch. may news daw sa cebu about that-which-must-not-be-named. bad daw, so di na nya sinabi. ako naman si gaga di nakuntento. i visited pa this site kaya lalo ako natakot. at march na. may nagsabi march daw. meron din april daw, april 7 pa nga to be exact. waaaahhhh!!! mamamatay na ako sa takot! ngayon pa na nagfaflashback lahat sa isip ko mga nangyari!

which reminds me, san kaya ako magtatago pag d-day na? waaaahhhhhhh...

grrr....

Don’t you just hate…

…nosy people who suddenly appear out of nowhere only for the purpose of obtaining the latest scoop from you, as if you have the monopoly of chismis?
…insensitive creeps who, also, suddenly appear from their utopic world, just to bring down the rain on you, tell you about how fantastic their existence are and make you feel like a scum?
…more insensitive creeps who call your sickness a lame excuse, a sinister attack why you did not answer their calls?
…people who have the nerve of name-calling people whom they barely had the pleasure of knowin?
...a sibling who feels as if she is everybody's boss?
...people who only care to visit friends who hardly cared for them?
...people who gets mesmerized easily with worldly offers?
...people who promised to give you a feedback but never called?
...people who measure your abilities with a few minutes of meeting you or some queries thrown at you (worse, an IQ exam? hey i didnt earn my degrees for nothin!)?
...people who never really cared about what others would feel with the way they express themselves?
...people who are so pushover and so afraid to speak up for themselves? Like I am now.