Friday, January 27, 2006

tipsy tin

kelan kaya ako ulit magkakaganito?
pero sana happy ako kaya ako magiging ganito...
yoko na yung either bad exams o unrequited affection ang reason
pwede na ulit unrequited affection
wag lang bad exams...
kasi kahit ilang beses pa ako ma-hurt in the aspect of love,
ok lang
nothin lost...
eh pag yung iniintay ko na exams,
ay gastos yun,
at pagod...

hay, yoko na isipin.

Image hosting by Photobucket

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

air, please?!!!

i can still my heart pounding.

for the past few days, i have been experiencing abnormal palpitations. i don't know why exactly. but a few minutes ago, it's as if a bomb has been planted in my chest and is about to explode any moment now. i wish an oxygen tank can be downloaded from my PC. i feel as if i am about to die.

hehehehe... charge it to exaggeration. =D dramatique ei? kidding aside, i was having a hard time getting oxygen in my respiratory tract. i just happen to visit a favorite site where there is a shared passion (and grief) felt for the study of law.

i saw in one of the threads of its forum, this.
ay juske, parang gusto ko nang mahimatay! maiyak! matawa! mabaliw! all at the same time, pwede rin successively.

and all i can do now is pray...really hard.

i am a certified masokista. =D

oh, by the way, kindly keep all sharp, pointed things away from me. and also, detergents, shampoo, toilet cleansers, insect repellant/spray, medicines, cologne,NAWASA water, etc... hehehe =D

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

baduy... but real =)

hay, the bug has bit me again.

i saw his previous posts in this site for bedans and boy, oh boy, though i haven't seen him for two months now, the feeling's still there! all fresh! =D

imagine, a 26-year oldie feelin so kilig. makes you wanna puke, ne? =) this is insane i know. if there is such a thing as second adolescence. this, probably, is mine.

he was, is, and perhaps, will be my dream guy. (puke some more, hehe) he epitomizes THE MAN. the one i have dreamt of, the one i have dedicated my poetry to for the five long years i have stayed in the jungle called san beda law, the man i wanted so badly to be mine...for keeps.

he is not that hunky type of guy that i would normally "desire."
he looks good. well, he was even tagged as their batch's hunk, okay.
he is the only guy i had admired with a wavy mane (he sports a "skinhead" 'do).
he is bespeckled. (and his eyes turn chinky whenever he takes off his glasses.)
he has broad shoulders and good enough built. (huggable, id say.)
he has this cutest sheepish smile that i rarely saw in my five years in beda.
(yes, he was suplado, at least to me, i guess.)
he has this deep manly voice that could send a thousand-decibeled shrill from any woman. (especially when you look into those eyes, piercing the lens of his 'two other eyes' and moreso, when you heard it from the earpiece of your phone.)
can you now picture how he looks?

let us go to the better side of the package.

he is one darn smart guy.
he graduated with a degree that was my second choice when i filled up the upcat application form.
we both came from the same university for our pre-law course.
he was a member of a reputable fraternity back in college.
(hehe,biased! akala ko i don't like fratmen?! hehe)
...
he graduated from beda law in four years. and take note, he had criminal law 2, as his only 'casualty.' he was that brilliant! mind you, we do not have summer classes pa nyan ha.
he was my superior in The Barrister, our official publication.
(honestly, i only decided to take the entrance exams for the school paper because of him.)
res ipsa loquitur, i know. just the same, i would like to emphasize that he is one helluva writer!!!
he writes really, really well.
the grammar. the choice of words. the sense of humor.
on top of that, he just doesn't write. he writes sensibly.
(although i have yet to see him produce a poem, hehe.)
it's a rarity for me to have found such a guy.

what's the catch?

he smokes. hahaha, darn! as if i care.
he is one loyal friend, and devoted boyfriend.
darn!
i was not the one he chose. that is the problem.
did i even come close to being an option?

i don't know what exactly happened back then in first year law. i am contented with the thought, that yeah, probably, he is not meant for me. (but god please, find someone like him. please!)

this must be due to an LSS caused by having watched sharon cuneta's ultimately excellent movie, bituing walang ningning , my favorite, hehe. what was the song? sana'y maghintay ang walang hanggan.

Sana'y Maghintay Ang Walang Hanggan

Doon ka, dito ako
Hindi magkatagpo
Tawag ko’y di marinig bat kay layo mo
Lapitan man ay di mo matanaw
Bingi’t bulag sa akin ay walang pakiramdam
Sayang na pagmamahal
Paano ng pag-ibig kong walang hanggan

Sanay maghintay ang walang hanggan
Hanggang makilala mo ako ang iyong mahal
Baka ko matutuhan kita’y kalimutan
Baka pangako ko’y dumating sa kailanman
Sanay maghintay ang walang hanggan
Sana ang iyong paglingap ay muli kong matikman
Subalit kong paglimot ay di mapigilan
Alalahanin mong kay tagal kitang hinintay

Narito ang puso kong inilaan sayo
Pagod na nanginginig baka magtampo
Naghihintay ang labi kong uhaw
Handog nito’y ligayang di mapapantayan
Sayang na pagmamahal
Parang hangin lamang sa iyo’y nagdaan


...whew!
now, will you please stop laughing?! =)

Saturday, January 21, 2006

message sent

have you ever wondered how great God is? how omnipotent. how wise.

recently, i was having some spiritual struggle. feeling really unworthy to pray and ask, feeling hesitant to approach a long-time friend, feeling simply abandoned...all at the same time.

you see, i am still jobless for three months now. there were no apt job offers that are not shocking to the senses. january is slipping really fast. bar exams chismis are on the rise. i am jobless, my funds are getting low and my bar results is all uncertain.

just about an hour ago, i decided to check my email. no enticing shows on tv fits my disoriented mind. out of sheer boredom, i clicked on google and encoded anima christi to search for the full lyrics of this favorite church song. it just happened.

anima christi

and i clicked some more, inching my way to the site's chatroom.

sylvia, anitairl and mark.

and everything came pouring in. it was no ordinary chat, i tell you. He found his way to get His messages sent. the moment was so magical. it's so inexplicable.

He knows that i was becoming too philosophical, thinking that sometimes the things bubbling in my mind are not His but may just be mine. He knows that an internet junkie like i am believes mostly of what he/she sees in his/her monitor. and that i can be really touched by innocent messages from people i barely knew.

and i thank You again, for reaching out to me. for being so patient despite my being so stubborn. for having made me realized that i am never alone, that with all these technology streaming on my face, YOU are here. YOU listen in the deep whinings, the silent cries of my heart, despite how unworthy i am. i love you so much. thank you, naisahan mo na naman ako dun ah.


[Sylvia] if God has brought you here, he is already answering your prayers

here is the song that led me to these all...

Anima Christi
Melody by J. Arboleda

Soul of Christ, sanctify me.
Body of Christ, save me.
Water from the side of Christ, wash me.
Passion of Christ, give me strength.

Hear me Jesus, hide me in Thy wounds,
That I may never leave Thy side.
From all the evil that surrounds me, defend me.
And when the call of death arrives, bid me come to Thee,
That I may praise Thee with Thy saints, forever.

Friday, January 20, 2006

what's up God?

hey, what's up God?

bugs bunny was mistaken. this could've been better. "doc" has no answer to his queries...nor mine.

the waiting game. it is as if i was thrown in the middle of the desert, alone, with nothing to do but wait for my chance to be rescued. all uncertain. everything to be guessed at.

waiting, i believe, has never been an easy chore. it can suck up all the energy you got without you knowing. it can empty your hopes and increase to a moundful your fears. and still have nothing.

and yes, i am one of those left in that island. left to wait. embracing the unknown.

but i have to keep my spirits high. optimism is the key. lest i be confined in ward 7 of the philippine general hospital, or if i have sufficient "anda" saint luke's basement.

so let me thank God, with all sincerity (no sarcasm, really) for giving me such sweet time to wait and all these blessings...

... still belonging to the aliping namamahay, not with the proletariat yet. there's a lot of time to be exhausted for catching up on flicks, books, recipes and sleep, all neglected for the past months.

... friends with whom you share your apprehensions, hesitations, fears, and more fears and still listen intently at your whines. friends whose views i value greatly: ate eloi, ethel and roxanne for the recent dilemma. and of course, monique, mayette, jes, tria and jen, for i have hounded them with my trivial worries still they did not leave me. were it not for these people, i might have lost it.

... still being able to exercise my free will despite the irrationality of having used it the past few days. there are certain things in life that i could have possibly acquired but i did not grab. despite having no luxury of rejecting certain things, i did, i shoved it away. i needed it a bit badly, but i did not care less. no regrets. i have to stand by my decisions. as someone put it, if i did not believe that i did the right thing, no one else will. and i know i did. my assets may not increase twice a month til now but i am happy that i will not work my ass to kill myself with fatigue.

... my Blog, despite anonymous people posting certain judgmental, heck-do-you-know-me messages. Bless you. and please, if you cannot stand what i have written, better click that tiny cross on the right corner of your screen. i do not give a damn whether you like me, my writings, or not. heck, this is mine, for my personal satisfaction. go create yours. shoo. fly. bye. blame it on me, im evil. =D

>>>> i wonder now, how the carrots are. He must be havin a really nice time perfecting the mixture. (note: this thought is what keeps me less-whiney, hehe).
thank YOU.

Friday, January 13, 2006

the no-mediocre batch




the rowdy and mischievous batch that san beda law has produced in april 2005... all too scared about the 2005 bar examinations that one of them has imagined it being released on 2010 (to save printing expenses daw). the very batch whose members' characters i have to artistically sabotage to produce a no-mediocre yearbook fit for a no-mediocre class. such pleasure. =D

gargantuan hoolaboola

i have always revered justice isagani cruz. his magical play of words, the literary flair manifested in all the decisions which he wrote, his inestimable appreciation of the law, has convinced me that he is a demigod, in the field of law at least.

i received an sms from two of my classmates last sunday, january 8, asking me to flip over the column of justice cruz published at the philippine daily inquirer. it was a sunday, hence, more bedtime hours for me. i was intrigued by these messages and ask one of them, azela, on what was it about. i asked my dad to buy a copy for me (i am bent on buying tabloid newspapers during weekdays and manila bulletin during sundays...you see, it would be perfect for any law student/graduate/ or even a lawyer, perhaps to browse over the 'news articles' of a tabloid. you can test your criminal and remedial law skills here. hehe.). and so, i was appalled.


Separate Opinion : Tempest at San Beda

First posted 04:17am (Mla time) Jan 08, 2006
By Isagani Cruz
Inquirer



Editor's Note: Published on page A10 of the January 8, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer


NOW that the yuletide is over, let me relate the interesting issue of academic freedom at the San Beda College of Law, where I was a professor and bar reviewer in Political Law and International Law for 20 years.

San Beda is a distinguished law school that has produced an impressive number of bar topnotchers led by former Supreme Court Justice Florenz D. Regalado, whose bar rating of 96.7 percent remains unsurpassed to date. Among its more prominent alumni are the late Raul Roco, Rene Saguisag, Antonio Martinez, Antonio Nachura, and many other successful practitioners.

One of the important features of the academic discipline of San Beda College is its retention policy providing that any student who flunks twice in any subject will be ineligible for enrollment in the succeeding semester. This is a condition every applicant for admission to the law school must accept in writing before he may be enrolled.

This rule has been rigidly enforced over the years with beneficent results. The elimination of students who do not come up to its academic standards has given the college an enviable record in the bar examinations and burnished the pride of San Beda lawyers in their alma mater.

This semester, however, this policy was not applied. Three senior students who had failed twice in Torts and Damages (a bar examination subject) were originally disqualified under the rule but, upon their request for reconsideration, were allowed to re-enroll. This was done upon recommendation of Dean Virgilio B. Jara to the Father Rector, who approved it.

Upon learning of this irregularity, the Law faculty registered a strong protest with the Father Rector. His excuse was that he had acted "in the exercise of a discretionary power that is inherent in my position as Rector-President of the College."

One faculty member disagreed and immediately resigned. In his letter to Dean Jara, he wrote in part:

"I regret I cannot but take strong exception and express my disappointment in your recent decision, as affirmed by our Rector, to re-admit students who have failed twice in the same subject. I view this radical departure from what has been consistently practiced by your predecessors as both unwarranted and unfair and may well lead to the 'commercialization' of our institution, which I have come to cherish dearly.

"I view this action of our Rector as a clear sign that, unlike his predecessors, he is determined to undermine our autonomy with respect to our College's admission and retention policies. If this were to be tolerated now, what would prevent him from later on changing or 'reconsidering' the grades we give our students? He can well claim to possess as well the authority, or the discretion, to interfere in our academic freedom as professors.

"I would not be effective as a teacher in an academic atmosphere which allows unjustified intrusions in the determinations of the faculty. We are responsible professors with the interest and welfare of our institution and our students at heart. I feel that, at the very least, we ought to be trusted to do what becomes us as teachers."

Dean Jara read the letter, abruptly said. "Okay," and without further comment wrote on it the single word, "Accepted."

The reaction of the faculty members was to invoke their academic freedom and deny the "inherent discretion" the Father Rector claimed he possessed to reverse their academic decisions. The academic regulations embodied in the Students' Code, they argued, "cannot be reviewed, suspended or disregarded by the Rector or the Board of Trustees."

"The Dean cannot abdicate faculty authority over academic matters by choosing not to make a stand or by allowing or even voluntarily asking the Rector or the Board of Trustees to interfere," which was what Dean Jara had done.

"The members of the faculty are members of the legal profession and are in the best position to train students who aspire to join them in the same profession."

"To be candid, a number of faculty members have already expressed their intention to resign from the College of Law. However, they were prevailed upon to defer any final decision so we can have a final dialogue with you regarding this matter."

In their subsequent dialogue, Father Rector Anscar J. Chupungco simply repeated that he had exercised his discretion in representation of the owners of the school who, he added, had approved his decision. He did not categorically answer if his discretion covered the right to order the admission of students disqualified by the faculty. But his order was admission enough.

I feel that the discretion claimed by the Father Rector impinged on the academic freedom of the professors who certainly know more about the competence of their students than the highest administrative official of the College. I am disappointed that, for all their principled objection, they obediently surrendered that precious freedom they had so vigorously invoked and defended as teachers of the law.

The lone teacher who resigned said he did so because he is the son of his father. His name is Carlo L. Cruz, and I am his proud father.



[Copyright 2006 Inquirer. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.]



there are things, as they say, that has to be in their proper places. the law, has even provided for this fundamental law of order through remedial law - suits, say, must be filed at the proper court which has the jurisdiction and within the proper venue. this i believe, with all due respect, the great justice cruz has violated. having been a part of the institution that san beda college of law is, justice cruz could have at least aired his opinion FIRST to the proper recipients thereof - the dean and rector of san beda law. what he has created, is another monster out of the we-have-yet-to-see-monster allegedly created by the officials aforementioned.

apparently, this article has stirred a lot of emotions and views from amongst the members of the legal community, including UP Law's Atty. Disini, who has this to say in his blog:


Isagani Cruz writes about a problem at San Beda Law. Upon the Dean's recommendation, two students were allowed to re-enroll in violation of a retention policy that called for their dismissal. The faculty is obviously upset and one has already resigned in protest with the Dean blithely accepting the resignation without any comment. From what I know, this kind of "discretion" used to be wielded by the UP Law Dean but that hasn't happened, to my knowledge, in the past 15 years or so. And rightly so -- law school deans are not supposed to bend the rules in any way that compromises academic standards. They are there to maintain the quality of graduates expected from the institution. Fiddle with that and after some time, the school's cachet is lost. A school is only as good as its alumni.

On the other hand, I wouldn't want to trade places with those 2 fellows who were given the Dean's reconsideration. On the one hand, they have to stay -- if only to live up to the Dean's expectation that they deserve to stay or at least, gratitude for having been extended a new lease on life. On the other, they're marked for life. It doesn't matter what they do from now on, they'll forever be remembered by their peers for the wrong thing. Infamy is no good when you're starting out in a close-knit community of professionals. I wonder if they'll attend law school reunions.

Unfortunately, I don't see a way out. The Dean has made his stand and has justified his decision as the exercise of a power inherent in his office. The faculty for its part asserts academic freedom. In these kinds of polarized public disputes, there can be no resolution without one side giving way or being disgraced. This has quickly become a zero-sum game and the options for a compromise are fast disappearing.

Let's hope for the best for the folks at San Beda Law.






...and as it goes in remedial law,again, we must have "proper parties" to keep the ball rolling. otherwise, we lack cause of action which could lead to the dismissal of the case.

albeit the absence of any motion, i hereby motu propio dismiss this issue as nothing but mere tiny hoolaboola made gargantuan by people who barely had penetrated the world they had ruthlessly assassinated.

i may not agree with what they said but i will fight til death their right to say it. the superficiality of cliches! hehe...



meanwhile, i remain as a loyal child to her alma mater.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

lobster

i deleted an entry i made yesterday.

currently, i am in a plethora of emotions. all mixed up that it would probably be healthy to induce myself to an emotional diarrhea.

seriously, i was really mad yesterday. "enraged" would be more descriptive of what i was feeling then. all the emotions were bottled up that i forgot all that has to be done - meals, my dvd sked, yearbook tasks. i believed that the healthiest way out would be a blog entry. and so i "ranted." otherwise, my cells would be in a state of confusion, as aga told claudine in their "kailangan kita" flick.

i was really angered that i finished the entry faster than i normally do. if you had read it, and if you know me that well, it is safe to infer that 'highblood' talaga ako. i felt much better after having made that entry, releasing it all like one great fart you have to suppress.

however, i also felt guilty for feeling that way. aside from the regular nostril-flaring experiences that my brother's maid unselfishly lets me relish, i was too idle not to have felt that way for quite some time. i thought hard if i was really bent on saying my adios to the, what, nearly 16 years of friendship. it was so difficult. but it was just as painful.

it was painful being reminded that you could not land a job anymore, that you could/will/may flunk the bar (anyway there is still another year as he/she puts it), that your alma mater sucks. but it is more painful if that person is someone you know will never, ever, not in any lifetime, hurt you that way - but did... someone so dear to you, loved, and so cherished. indeed, the pain is immeasurable.

he/she informed me, albeit belatedly, what really transpired. at first, i was appalled. it was unjust, i thought. i was merely sleeping, in anticipation that probably when im up, i'll receive a dose of the heartwarming message that he/she has unselfishly given me to lift my spirits. and alas, you'll get lashed out for somebody else's mistake. as i have told jen, my bedan friend, hit me on anywhere you want, except on two things - my family and the bar.

after more messages from him/her, there was no anger left, not a speck. generally, i do not get mad so easily. and this is one exceptional case. siguro, 5 counts, i was about to explode na yesterday. but who wouldn't be unmoved by sincere apologies? i am no steel-hearted person. no speck of anger. convert that to tampo.

tampo. for making me feel so bad about myself. for having failed to see im one barrel of anxiety that no amount of psyching me will help. and that what i merely wanted is the usual solace he/she has given me. no slamming on my face please, not used to that, epecially from him/her.

consider me a lobster whose shell has just moulted last september. way really sensitive that no one can touch it. well,just on the bar topics in my case. then it has to hibernate, so it can "grow" its shell again. i too have to hibernate, until the bar results gives me back my shell.

...or until im "strong" enough to accept anything that the wind may blow unto my eyes.

Friday, January 06, 2006

application for underbars 101

finally!

as yette would always say, insert my maniacal laugh here. =)

after having graduated from law school, there is this eensy weensy four-week freakin' examinations that you have to conquer. so as they all say, to graduate from law school can hardly be considered a feat, but just the start of the many miles you have to trod to have the four-letter freakin' title be attached on your gravestone.

the bar exams, so they say, is a combination of bloody sweat, more sweat [the ones that would really need some deo, hehe] and an ounce of luck. i believe however, that the same continues until after you have coveted the "atty" title. the bar exams, i suppose, was just a mere "warm-up."

so after havin warmed up, i rested a little. call it katamaran, pagkabatugan, conceit, what-have-yous. mid of october though, it's a 'caso fortuito.' mom had to have an operation and i have to take the helm. and my brain decayed, so i really tried hard to "find" a job. i didn't realize that it was as hard as finding the outcome of the taxes paid for by the citizens [at least on my part, an average bedan graduate who has underestimated the study of law].

and after 'eons' [a lil exaggeration here] of treasure hunting, here are some of the many things i have learned.

the cardinal rules for job application [applicable to the underbars, non-ateneans/up law]...

RULE 1 - The Pre-Application Stage

Sec 1. expect less. [salary, perks, return calls, more return calls and courtesy]

Sec 2. be prepared for more. [disappointments, calluses, arthritis, expenses and some more expenses]

Sec 3. never get the mistake of being too japorms when you are just about to submit [aka, "distribute"] your resume. i violated this rule. it was purgatory, 3rd level.

Sec 4. never get the mistake of printing out all your resumes, unless of course you can afford lots of cartridge/ink to replace the ones you've used. and also, do not use costly papers. it does not really matter. [trivia: did you know that my friends and i submitted photocopied resumes?the law offices to which we submitted these photocopied resumes still called us despite the cheapy look...of the resumes.]

Sec 5. do away with the cover letter. let's save trees.

Sec 6. prepare a really good map, showcasing the lovely metro. it's okay if the navotas area's a bit confusing. the ortigas, manila and makati areas are the only relevant spots... my sister bought me an ortigas-makati map for P99.00 and boy, it was sooo overused.

Sec 7. if you do not have an employers' list [okay, i just learned about this a month ago when my friend and i were interviewed in this law firm where the partners are from UP, meron pala nun! in UP Law.], dish out a latest copy of The Lawyer's Review. at its back part, you'll find more than a hundred law offices. well, wag ma-amaze, they are about just a half of the entire law-office-dom.

Sec 8. scour for your friends, acquaintances and even people you didn't even talk to in college or in law school, baka kasi hiring sila,hehe. honestly, i know of several people who got their jobs through referrals. remember, you are in the Philippines.

Sec 9. before proceeding to the areas where you will submit your resume, prepare a really good diagram of your itinerary. time is so precious. saka ang hirap akyat-baba sa 'lift' noh!

Sec 10. plan your job hunting with a really, really good friend. someone who can tolerate really long walks [and it's not even on the sandy beaches]. if he/she is a classmate, both of you must feel really at ease with each other as to leave no room for insecurities. both of you must be really prepared with what will the turn-out of events be.

please trust me on this. been there, violated these all, suffered a lot. =)

p.s. more next time!

metamorphosis



the donut you are currently seeing is a product of my baking sessions at home! ala nga lang donut cutter kaya the shape was a bit uneven. nonetheless, it tasted good! well, at least according to my family. hehe. i tried this one from chef annie's recipe book, "doughnuts" and it was fun making it! sana nga merong how to make a bagel ala auntie anne's naman. =)




i still couldn't forget how my highschool friends made fun of the crinkles i (over)baked way back in college. para daw bato! hmpf! =) so, i really made sure they had a taste of the "improved" crinkles i baked last december 2004. tama na yun. wag nang donuts. hehe.

quits? some sweet revenge... =)

p.s. of course, that is assuming arguendo that they find this recent experiment appealing? it's cello and go nuts combined! hehe.

p.p.s. i am in no lucid interval while i am encoding this.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

steep

Softly, gently, I will let you down
Cause I don't love you in the same way now
I can hold you but not with lover's arms
Cause you are more of a brother to me now

And I can lie next to you, but I can't lie to you
So walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain,
For you the future's easy, so don't weep, for me it's getting
Steep

I loved you for exactly who you are,
And I'd say you've come the nearest yet by far,

And I can lie next to you, but I can't lie to you
So walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain,
For you the future's easy, so don't weep, for me it's getting

Steeper and in the dark that's where I want to be
Deeper, I'm going somewhere you won't want to see...

So walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain,
For you the future's easy, so don't weep

Yes I will watch you,
Walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain drops
For you the future's easy, so don't weep
For me it's getting
Steep.


->>>>>

it has been years and i am still left in shambles, askin' what was it that i have done for him to leave. i have no regrets. i never did. it's just that, probably, it is sometimes difficult to look back and still not know where you've gone wrong. it'll scare you, for you might fall in the same trap again - and be hurt in the end. it was unfair, not knowing why the sudden change of heart. you end up with nothing but mere surmises...

...and a broken wing.