happy 6th birthday to the (not so) little boy who has made a wonderful change in my life.
i used to be mommy's little princess until he came. well, at first, naturally - i stress, i got a bit jealous of the attention that the entire family has given him. i remember even telling my manicurista about this (the therapy then when i was in a bad mood is to have my nails colored =D)... but eventually, i got addicted to him, even more than any of my family could have been.
he was a born a week before my birthday. he graduated from preschool two weeks, to be exact, before i had mine. our lives were so intertwined that we could (and often mistaken) pass as mother and child. we have the same interests, likes and even expressions; though he is more suplado than i am.
happy birthday to my honey! i love you so much! i promise you that i will be with you until the end of it all. =D
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Sunday, April 17, 2005
dismayed
i have a bad perception of people. often, i would regard them as really nice when they probably aren't. just recently, i was able to prove that no matter what happens to a person, his real color will show. it is just disappointing since i thought that that person has changed. but that person has not.
there are just changes in this life that brings people back to their "real selves." it is just so sad that i saw this happen to a person whom i have considered a friend, and treated really well during the trying moments of his/her life - and now i can hardly rely on for even a tinge of support.
there are just changes in this life that brings people back to their "real selves." it is just so sad that i saw this happen to a person whom i have considered a friend, and treated really well during the trying moments of his/her life - and now i can hardly rely on for even a tinge of support.
review
when everyone else is probably dippin in the cold waters of the beach, or just lying lazily with their television's remote control on one hand and some chips on the other, i plunge into an unknown battle.
what awaits me this september is a whole lot unknown. honestly, i am not afraid. probably a bit anxious though. taking the bar exams is one great experience which will perhaps show who your real friends are, as to who will take time out to show their support to you. back in law school, this is one activity that i would always, excitedly, would desire to take part of. i am really hoping that good karma will work to my benefit. but i can only hope. =)
i have made a battle plan, which, to my dismay, i have failed to do. too much confidence in taking the bar exams will, i opine, kill you. too much of fear will likewise do the same thing. the feeling right now is indescribable.
what awaits me this september is a whole lot unknown. honestly, i am not afraid. probably a bit anxious though. taking the bar exams is one great experience which will perhaps show who your real friends are, as to who will take time out to show their support to you. back in law school, this is one activity that i would always, excitedly, would desire to take part of. i am really hoping that good karma will work to my benefit. but i can only hope. =)
i have made a battle plan, which, to my dismay, i have failed to do. too much confidence in taking the bar exams will, i opine, kill you. too much of fear will likewise do the same thing. the feeling right now is indescribable.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
my song for cinco
DREAM OF ME
Artist: Kirsten Dunst
Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabyes
So let me close my eyes
And sleep
For a chance to dream
SO I CAN SEE THE FACE I LONG TO TOUCH
TO KISS
BUT ONLY DREAMS CAN BRING ME THIS
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me
I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away (echo 3x)
I’ll dream away
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me
Oooohhh
Dream of me
Artist: Kirsten Dunst
Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabyes
So let me close my eyes
And sleep
For a chance to dream
SO I CAN SEE THE FACE I LONG TO TOUCH
TO KISS
BUT ONLY DREAMS CAN BRING ME THIS
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me
I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away (echo 3x)
I’ll dream away
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me
Oooohhh
Dream of me
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
cinco
again.
of all the men that i have kept affection for, it is with you that i detest having borne such emotions. no, it's not that i find you despicable. it's just that i know, with you, it will all be a heartache in the end.
i consider you one of the few male friends that i treasure. you have brought me so much happiness, not only as that person i would have wanted to laugh with all my life, but also as a friend who has remained with me at the trying moments of my academic life (and non-existing lovelife). we became really close to the point that i turned into a bridge for you and a friend, and oftimes, the listener to the whines and emotions you have for this friend. i remained simply as the ear that listens to you. someone who has no face. completely invisible.
i would have wanted to say goodbye to the feelings i have long kept. but they remain so strong, despite the cunning threat of an impending rejection.
i would have wanted to say goodbye to the friendship built. but, i cannot. it is the only hold i have of you. it is the only means that i could express the uncrushable feelings i have long hidden from you.
i fell for you then, really hard. twas so strong that it was inconceivable that i could get up and move on. it felt like the feelings then became so much a part of me, without which i would cease being me.
i stayed, not because you asked me, but because i wanted. i was hurting but i ignored the pain. all i could see was you. despite the many manifestations of my affection, you never seemed to notice me. or probably, you did, but you ignored me. i remained a blank painting on the wall. all there but never seen.
i stayed, and waited. you fell again, for another. i chose to remain. but staying has never been this painful. then i decided to let go and move on. and so i left. but this, you still had not noticed.
my life went on without you. yes i survived. but i cannot deny the fact that i miss those moments when i was with you, however hurtful the things I may have heard from you. i miss the kulitan, despite being considered as a mere "one of the boys." i just missed being with you.
i decided then to shut my world off from you. i enclosed myself in hibernation. and all along i thought, i had forgotten you... and had the feelings buried as a part of my past. i see no point in letting these emotions subsist. it has only brought me self-derision. we parted ways. i bid goodbye to the friendship - and you. there was no way out but this. there was nothing i could do.
but sometimes, no matter how well-kept some things are, they, sooner or later, will resurrect from the ashes. i saw you again. and everything were revived in an instant. all the sacrifices i bore with just to get over you were wasted - with just your smile.
as before, i do not wish to stay. you are like a star that i could only dream of. you are someone that i cannot be at par with. a mortal like i am is, and never will be, worthy of your deity. but i will stay, if only to prove that i do not want anything in return; for it is even, a fact, that you can never give me anything in return. i will stay even if it would mean being on your feet. just let me be. just let me be happy for you and contribute to whatever happiness you may aspire to have.
just let me gaze at the star that, only in my dreams i could have. if this isnt love, i will be really surprised.
the girl who has once fallen for you has really remained so.
of all the men that i have kept affection for, it is with you that i detest having borne such emotions. no, it's not that i find you despicable. it's just that i know, with you, it will all be a heartache in the end.
i consider you one of the few male friends that i treasure. you have brought me so much happiness, not only as that person i would have wanted to laugh with all my life, but also as a friend who has remained with me at the trying moments of my academic life (and non-existing lovelife). we became really close to the point that i turned into a bridge for you and a friend, and oftimes, the listener to the whines and emotions you have for this friend. i remained simply as the ear that listens to you. someone who has no face. completely invisible.
i would have wanted to say goodbye to the feelings i have long kept. but they remain so strong, despite the cunning threat of an impending rejection.
i would have wanted to say goodbye to the friendship built. but, i cannot. it is the only hold i have of you. it is the only means that i could express the uncrushable feelings i have long hidden from you.
i fell for you then, really hard. twas so strong that it was inconceivable that i could get up and move on. it felt like the feelings then became so much a part of me, without which i would cease being me.
i stayed, not because you asked me, but because i wanted. i was hurting but i ignored the pain. all i could see was you. despite the many manifestations of my affection, you never seemed to notice me. or probably, you did, but you ignored me. i remained a blank painting on the wall. all there but never seen.
i stayed, and waited. you fell again, for another. i chose to remain. but staying has never been this painful. then i decided to let go and move on. and so i left. but this, you still had not noticed.
my life went on without you. yes i survived. but i cannot deny the fact that i miss those moments when i was with you, however hurtful the things I may have heard from you. i miss the kulitan, despite being considered as a mere "one of the boys." i just missed being with you.
i decided then to shut my world off from you. i enclosed myself in hibernation. and all along i thought, i had forgotten you... and had the feelings buried as a part of my past. i see no point in letting these emotions subsist. it has only brought me self-derision. we parted ways. i bid goodbye to the friendship - and you. there was no way out but this. there was nothing i could do.
but sometimes, no matter how well-kept some things are, they, sooner or later, will resurrect from the ashes. i saw you again. and everything were revived in an instant. all the sacrifices i bore with just to get over you were wasted - with just your smile.
as before, i do not wish to stay. you are like a star that i could only dream of. you are someone that i cannot be at par with. a mortal like i am is, and never will be, worthy of your deity. but i will stay, if only to prove that i do not want anything in return; for it is even, a fact, that you can never give me anything in return. i will stay even if it would mean being on your feet. just let me be. just let me be happy for you and contribute to whatever happiness you may aspire to have.
just let me gaze at the star that, only in my dreams i could have. if this isnt love, i will be really surprised.
the girl who has once fallen for you has really remained so.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
"fully human, wholly christian and truly filipino"
i have always dreamt of this day. for five long years, i waited and longed that someday, i shall be within the solace of the benedictine abbey, donning my red toga, all eager and anxious at the same time, to officially put an end to all the torments and agonies i had to undergo. finally, it came true today...the twelfth of april, 2005.
the ceremonies swiftly breezed. perhaps, i have not yet ingested the idea that "finally, i have obtained my LLB!" it occurred to me just now that, the student phase of my life has formally ended. i have obtained a bachelor of laws degree. i have earned that degree in san beda law. i am no longer a student.
there are all but mixed emotions that envelopes me right now. i am so happy that finally, i am no longer a tempting subject of humiliation of my professors, no longer the pressured student who has to brave the thought of just coming to class, the absentee classmate who has 'visited' the class once or twice, the girl who always had make-up on (with visible cheek tints), the 'basura' who comes to school as if she had just came from the wet market... i need not fear each day knowing that i am on deck. i need not scout my closet for 'feel-good' outfits. i can now grace the hall near the law dean's office without fear of any professor. i am so elated that, finally, i got what i aspired for and primarily, in the school where i wanted it to come from. the Lord has blessed me indeed.
on the other hand, there is a gnawing sadness, or aptly, emptiness, that strikes me as we march down the aisle. i will greatly miss the everyday classes, the battle of the class, the 'movement for ceasefire' activities, the simple kagaguhan, the shared feeling with the classmates of that fear of being called for recitations, the eskapo to fiorgelato at 6pm, the parties, the beers, the videoke, the concerted motion of the class. i will surely miss all the mistresses of my law school academic life. i will miss coming up with my article/column for The Barrister; and pouring all my canned emotions through the literary folio. i will miss the pressworks, or rather, the presswork con chika work, though ive been to a few only. i will miss the legal aid office, the chorale practices, the bar ops (this i will really miss, after having taken part on it since first year law), the enrolment orientation for the freshies, the registration of fellow students. these and all, i will certainly miss.
there is also fear biting my consciousness. september is just a few weeks away. bar examinations is something i must pass, with all the people surrounding me who have all placed their confidence in me that i shall pass the dreaded exams, i must do my best. it was a relief though, that last year's batch of barristers fared well, that the speaker for our grad also opined that passing the bar has become an occurrence to happen as a matter of course for bedan barristers. my spirits were boosted. i must pass the bar exams.
my graduation is a start of so many changes in my life. but having it "changed" within the confines of san beda law creates nothing but utmost ecstasy.
yey, i am now a member of the sbc alumni association (and can attend its yearly reunions and have a chance to see my crushes)!!! sayang lang, i can no longer marry in the abbey because the authority has been revoked. =)
congratulations self! we made it!
and really, that in all things, God is to be glorified...
the ceremonies swiftly breezed. perhaps, i have not yet ingested the idea that "finally, i have obtained my LLB!" it occurred to me just now that, the student phase of my life has formally ended. i have obtained a bachelor of laws degree. i have earned that degree in san beda law. i am no longer a student.
there are all but mixed emotions that envelopes me right now. i am so happy that finally, i am no longer a tempting subject of humiliation of my professors, no longer the pressured student who has to brave the thought of just coming to class, the absentee classmate who has 'visited' the class once or twice, the girl who always had make-up on (with visible cheek tints), the 'basura' who comes to school as if she had just came from the wet market... i need not fear each day knowing that i am on deck. i need not scout my closet for 'feel-good' outfits. i can now grace the hall near the law dean's office without fear of any professor. i am so elated that, finally, i got what i aspired for and primarily, in the school where i wanted it to come from. the Lord has blessed me indeed.
on the other hand, there is a gnawing sadness, or aptly, emptiness, that strikes me as we march down the aisle. i will greatly miss the everyday classes, the battle of the class, the 'movement for ceasefire' activities, the simple kagaguhan, the shared feeling with the classmates of that fear of being called for recitations, the eskapo to fiorgelato at 6pm, the parties, the beers, the videoke, the concerted motion of the class. i will surely miss all the mistresses of my law school academic life. i will miss coming up with my article/column for The Barrister; and pouring all my canned emotions through the literary folio. i will miss the pressworks, or rather, the presswork con chika work, though ive been to a few only. i will miss the legal aid office, the chorale practices, the bar ops (this i will really miss, after having taken part on it since first year law), the enrolment orientation for the freshies, the registration of fellow students. these and all, i will certainly miss.
there is also fear biting my consciousness. september is just a few weeks away. bar examinations is something i must pass, with all the people surrounding me who have all placed their confidence in me that i shall pass the dreaded exams, i must do my best. it was a relief though, that last year's batch of barristers fared well, that the speaker for our grad also opined that passing the bar has become an occurrence to happen as a matter of course for bedan barristers. my spirits were boosted. i must pass the bar exams.
my graduation is a start of so many changes in my life. but having it "changed" within the confines of san beda law creates nothing but utmost ecstasy.
yey, i am now a member of the sbc alumni association (and can attend its yearly reunions and have a chance to see my crushes)!!! sayang lang, i can no longer marry in the abbey because the authority has been revoked. =)
congratulations self! we made it!
and really, that in all things, God is to be glorified...
Sunday, April 10, 2005
horror movie
the bar results for the last year's exams has just been released yesterday. of course, my alma mater fared well. my organization fared a whole lot better. and fear now starts to creep.
law school has probably caused the most fearful emotions i had since birth. it is one horrendous horror flick, "patayin sa sindak si barbara"-"the others"-and "shake, rattle and roll 1" all combined. i thought i have reached the pinnacle of it all last march 29, during our deliberations, but no. the bar exams will probably scare the hell out of me the most.
a classmate in highschool passed, three orgmates passed. it seemed that everyone i know passed. now, everywhere i go and every person i go out with, flagrantly displays their myriad expectation that i pass the bar that i will take this september. a big boulder on my head, tagged PRESSURE, all tied around it. YOU HAVE TO, no, YOU MUST PASS THE 2005 BAR EXAMS.
at its mere thought, panicky hormones flow inside my head. it has been two weeks since it was confirmed that i will graduate and i havent started yet, not even the 5%-worth subject. i know that it would be pointless to create my own monster to haunt me, but i cannot help but do otherwise. i am but a simple student, a mediocre who luckily passed the rigors of bedan teaching. and i am getting darn scared.
for a start, i would probably start to fix my schedule now. graduation is on tuesday and as soon as it has ended, it shall mark the start of my review - a grueling battle with the ever complacent self. good thing, the Lord has brought me to a better view of the matter, that i have to do well to pass, or more, even with flying colors, all because i have to prove myself worthy of _______ . and another thing, this is all what i have - in the absence of a boyfriend, or even an ardent suitor, or a requited affection perhaps. not even a luxurious lifestyle.
this is my last card. i have to give it a good fight.
law school has probably caused the most fearful emotions i had since birth. it is one horrendous horror flick, "patayin sa sindak si barbara"-"the others"-and "shake, rattle and roll 1" all combined. i thought i have reached the pinnacle of it all last march 29, during our deliberations, but no. the bar exams will probably scare the hell out of me the most.
a classmate in highschool passed, three orgmates passed. it seemed that everyone i know passed. now, everywhere i go and every person i go out with, flagrantly displays their myriad expectation that i pass the bar that i will take this september. a big boulder on my head, tagged PRESSURE, all tied around it. YOU HAVE TO, no, YOU MUST PASS THE 2005 BAR EXAMS.
at its mere thought, panicky hormones flow inside my head. it has been two weeks since it was confirmed that i will graduate and i havent started yet, not even the 5%-worth subject. i know that it would be pointless to create my own monster to haunt me, but i cannot help but do otherwise. i am but a simple student, a mediocre who luckily passed the rigors of bedan teaching. and i am getting darn scared.
for a start, i would probably start to fix my schedule now. graduation is on tuesday and as soon as it has ended, it shall mark the start of my review - a grueling battle with the ever complacent self. good thing, the Lord has brought me to a better view of the matter, that i have to do well to pass, or more, even with flying colors, all because i have to prove myself worthy of _______ . and another thing, this is all what i have - in the absence of a boyfriend, or even an ardent suitor, or a requited affection perhaps. not even a luxurious lifestyle.
this is my last card. i have to give it a good fight.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
new members of the bar
my congratulations to all my friends and fellow bedans who passed the "death-inducing" bar examinations...
to EFREN VINCENT DIZON, who ranked fifth, congrats efie... twasnt tsamba, lam naman namin magaling ka (di lang sa girls). you truly made the sedlex proud, including us, your friends. at ang libre, dont forget...
to MYRA BENGAN,remember this message >>>>> of cors u wil graduate, as certain as i wil pas d bar, nt bcoz of r own doin bt bcoz God loves us. kip d faith.<<<<<<<< di ba nagkatotoo talaga. all d hard works have paid off, time to walk down the aisle na! hehehe...
to KENNETH LIM, congrats! so what should we call you na, engr o atty? hehehe...
to PAM MERCADO, ang anting anting ay effective, ang salamin at ang....hehehe...congrats pam, grabe baka di na kita makulit nyan!
to CARRIE SIANGHIO, buddy!!! see, you passed! kaw talaga takot ka pa eh magaling ak naman talaga. im proud to be your buddy! =)
to ALEX, MONETTE, PANCHO, RHIO, DOY, TJ, KIKO, LAIDA, RJ NI KATS, CHARLIE, and all the other BEDAN PEOPLE who successfully hurdled the bar exams, congratulations!!!
to MONICA CECILIA ALMEIDA, JOHN PAUL REFUERZO, OLIVER BELTRAN ni MONICA, all from UST Law, congratulations! NIKAY na praning, ang kulit di ba, i told you'll be okay! =)
>>>>> and i really believe that FAITH is a whole lot powerful than any armor and as nikay said, GOD is a whole lot stronger than the supreme court. <<<<<<
>>>>> which reminds me, i have 16 weeks to go before my own judgment day comes. haaayyy... the ordeal i got myself into... =)
to EFREN VINCENT DIZON, who ranked fifth, congrats efie... twasnt tsamba, lam naman namin magaling ka (di lang sa girls). you truly made the sedlex proud, including us, your friends. at ang libre, dont forget...
to MYRA BENGAN,remember this message >>>>> of cors u wil graduate, as certain as i wil pas d bar, nt bcoz of r own doin bt bcoz God loves us. kip d faith.<<<<<<<< di ba nagkatotoo talaga. all d hard works have paid off, time to walk down the aisle na! hehehe...
to KENNETH LIM, congrats! so what should we call you na, engr o atty? hehehe...
to PAM MERCADO, ang anting anting ay effective, ang salamin at ang....hehehe...congrats pam, grabe baka di na kita makulit nyan!
to CARRIE SIANGHIO, buddy!!! see, you passed! kaw talaga takot ka pa eh magaling ak naman talaga. im proud to be your buddy! =)
to ALEX, MONETTE, PANCHO, RHIO, DOY, TJ, KIKO, LAIDA, RJ NI KATS, CHARLIE, and all the other BEDAN PEOPLE who successfully hurdled the bar exams, congratulations!!!
to MONICA CECILIA ALMEIDA, JOHN PAUL REFUERZO, OLIVER BELTRAN ni MONICA, all from UST Law, congratulations! NIKAY na praning, ang kulit di ba, i told you'll be okay! =)
>>>>> and i really believe that FAITH is a whole lot powerful than any armor and as nikay said, GOD is a whole lot stronger than the supreme court. <<<<<<
>>>>> which reminds me, i have 16 weeks to go before my own judgment day comes. haaayyy... the ordeal i got myself into... =)
Sunday, April 03, 2005
and HE spoke
today is april 2, four days after the scariest day of my life (so far)... four days ago, HE spoke.
on the eve of the "judgment day," i planned on staying awake until the cocks crow on the 29th. but being really tired from having searched for the perfect graduation gift for my nephew, and aside from from the bare fact that i am such a sleepyhead, my body chose to retire - but after a really GOOD prayer which i have not had for years.
i recall Jesus in Gethsemane, praying really hard as He was coiled in deep fear of His impending crucifixion. and i was just as happy that God the Father has given His Son to mankind; otherwise, anyone would have feel really justified saying the usual after-having-sinned line, "tao lang ako." Jesus was sent to be a mortal, like all of us are, has gone through the same things we are going through. it was a deep sigh of relief that He too was like us, and that it is plausible that we could have done things His way, as He too was human. with that thought in my mind, and the "Agony in the Garden," i resolved to pray doubly hard - like Jesus has done. and it was fruitful.
back in highschool, i am involved in this religious group "Children of Mary" which has magnified the faith that my parents has imbibed in me. our adviser, mrs. lucy ricamonte (who has passed away; bless her soul), taught us that while praying we should not just do the talking. we have to be silent for a while, and let HIM speak through the heart. in highschool, i was used to praying like that. but as i have previously written, the deep faith was drowned by the spoonful of atheism and/or agnosticism dying to be swallowed whole.
having been reminded of this (i suppose, by the Holy Spirit), after muttering the fervent prayer of being able to graduate, i kept silent. and HE spoke. i was asked by HIM to look around me. i gasped at the wonderful sight of the skies, kept alive by the twinkling stars, and was amazed that it was HE who had done these. then HE told me, "if I was able to have done all these, what more can I not do?" HE was telling me that HE can do a lot of things. if He was able to create these wonderful things, the favor of me graduating on April 12 would be very easy. further, HE told me that "if I was able to sacrifice My own Son for people like I am, how much more granting this prayer?" then i prayed the prayer which i was previously so hesitant to utter (in fear that what he has in store for me is a world other than lawyering) - "i leave everything up to you, Lord."
then i dozed off to sleep.
that morning was my nephew's graduation, which has helped my really nervous entirety to keep my mind off the impending "judgment day." as the ceremonies came to an end, i wanted so badly for the world to stop turning. at 12 noon, the deliberations of the faculty shall commence.
i hardly ate, despite the sumptuous meal. as i have told my friends before whenever there is an occasion for me to turn into a nervous wreck --- "there is a sportsfest of mice off my chest and a family of butterflies, bees and all sorts of insects thriving in my stomach," it perfectly characterized how i felt then.
then at an hour past 12, i left home, to my place of solitude. i cannot bear the thought of waiting in school until the decision comes out. but even before i have finished the second decade of the sorrowful mystery of the Holy Rosary, my friend Jen [see www.feelingchinita.blogspot.com] called.
"Friend, ok na lahat tayo!"
paying no attention to what my co-passenger would think, i bursted into tears. HE spoke. and HE worked.
on the eve of the "judgment day," i planned on staying awake until the cocks crow on the 29th. but being really tired from having searched for the perfect graduation gift for my nephew, and aside from from the bare fact that i am such a sleepyhead, my body chose to retire - but after a really GOOD prayer which i have not had for years.
i recall Jesus in Gethsemane, praying really hard as He was coiled in deep fear of His impending crucifixion. and i was just as happy that God the Father has given His Son to mankind; otherwise, anyone would have feel really justified saying the usual after-having-sinned line, "tao lang ako." Jesus was sent to be a mortal, like all of us are, has gone through the same things we are going through. it was a deep sigh of relief that He too was like us, and that it is plausible that we could have done things His way, as He too was human. with that thought in my mind, and the "Agony in the Garden," i resolved to pray doubly hard - like Jesus has done. and it was fruitful.
back in highschool, i am involved in this religious group "Children of Mary" which has magnified the faith that my parents has imbibed in me. our adviser, mrs. lucy ricamonte (who has passed away; bless her soul), taught us that while praying we should not just do the talking. we have to be silent for a while, and let HIM speak through the heart. in highschool, i was used to praying like that. but as i have previously written, the deep faith was drowned by the spoonful of atheism and/or agnosticism dying to be swallowed whole.
having been reminded of this (i suppose, by the Holy Spirit), after muttering the fervent prayer of being able to graduate, i kept silent. and HE spoke. i was asked by HIM to look around me. i gasped at the wonderful sight of the skies, kept alive by the twinkling stars, and was amazed that it was HE who had done these. then HE told me, "if I was able to have done all these, what more can I not do?" HE was telling me that HE can do a lot of things. if He was able to create these wonderful things, the favor of me graduating on April 12 would be very easy. further, HE told me that "if I was able to sacrifice My own Son for people like I am, how much more granting this prayer?" then i prayed the prayer which i was previously so hesitant to utter (in fear that what he has in store for me is a world other than lawyering) - "i leave everything up to you, Lord."
then i dozed off to sleep.
that morning was my nephew's graduation, which has helped my really nervous entirety to keep my mind off the impending "judgment day." as the ceremonies came to an end, i wanted so badly for the world to stop turning. at 12 noon, the deliberations of the faculty shall commence.
i hardly ate, despite the sumptuous meal. as i have told my friends before whenever there is an occasion for me to turn into a nervous wreck --- "there is a sportsfest of mice off my chest and a family of butterflies, bees and all sorts of insects thriving in my stomach," it perfectly characterized how i felt then.
then at an hour past 12, i left home, to my place of solitude. i cannot bear the thought of waiting in school until the decision comes out. but even before i have finished the second decade of the sorrowful mystery of the Holy Rosary, my friend Jen [see www.feelingchinita.blogspot.com] called.
"Friend, ok na lahat tayo!"
paying no attention to what my co-passenger would think, i bursted into tears. HE spoke. and HE worked.
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