teaser =)

got LOTS of kwento na.

it's just that i do not have enough time to post entries.

so as a teaser, lemme post these pics from

fwen jen's wedding last october 28 at tagaytay midlands.

and oh, by the way, best wishes na din to jen and marvin!!! =)

~roxie, milen, moi and maan~

after the ceremonies, kuya lito (jen's bro) offered to take our pic. nakakaawa eh walang photographer! =)

at the backdrop is the picturesque view of midlands.

~ kami ulit ~

eto naman, we asked the waiter to take our pic. that is, after having devoured the napakaraming food served at the buffet table, which also, tasted really good, especially the choco fondue!!!

the newlyweds, jen & marv!!!

p.s. more pics and kwento, pramis!!! =)

burp!

i am currently suffering from CONTRACT INDIGESTION.

kay pav

happy birthday ha.

kita mo na di na ako nakontento sa mapangahas kong pagsulat ng maikling pagbati para sa iyo sa friendster. sa totoo naman kabisado ko talaga araw ng birthday mo. kahit ibitin mo pa ako ng patiwarik, kahit pa nga pasagasa mo ako sa mrt, at kahit pa lango na ako, alam ko pa rin iyon. kaso, kinulang ako ng lakas ng loob, kunwari sa friendster ko nalaman pero ang totoo, nakatatak na yun sa isipan ko.

naisip ko na din naman na matagal-tagal na din na napairal ko ang kaduwagan ko. naduduwag ako na mapalapit sa yo kasi alam ko naman na wala nang patutunguhan to. naduduwag ako na makita pa kung gaano ka kabuting tao, gaano kagaling at karesponsable kasi natatakot ako na baka pag nahulog na ako di na ako makaahon pa. para ko na ring nilublob ang sarili ko sa kumunoy kung nagkataon.

kaya mabuti na ngang lumayo sa iyo, at manaka na lumapit paminsan. tama na iyon. baka mawili ako na malapit sa yo di ko na kayanin pa lumayo.

kung alam mo lang kung gaano kalaki ang panghihinayang ko sa nagawa ko noon, at hindi ko nagawa. nandun na naisip ko na, what if nga... pero, hindi eh, malabo. kung gusto mo talaga ako, kahit ano pa nangyari, malamang gumawa ka ng paraan. kaso nga, ayaw mo sa akin eh.

ipokrita ako kung sasabihin ko na masaya ako at masaya ka sa kanya. masaya to a certain extent lang, kasi kahit papaano hinahangad ko pa rin na maging masaya ka at mahalin ng taong mahal mo - na sa malas lang eh hindi ako.

di ka naman siguro manhid kaya malamang alam mo na na ikaw nga ang pinatutungkulan ko nito. sana talaga, sana lang, mabigyan ako ng pagkakataon. pero kung sa pagsaya ko naman, kapalit nun lungkot mo, wag na lang. ipagpapatuloy ko na lang pagtitiis ko.

salamat nga pala kay kaye, ang kaibigan kong nagpamalas sa akin na ang silbi ng blog ay ang pagpapalaya ng iyong kaluluwa.

at sa iyo, sana masaya ka sa araw mo. at sana, sana, maging parte rin ako ng kaligayahan mo.

week one

all what i wanted to do right now. =D

my first week was kinda tough. i've been assigned to around 15 tasks to be accomplished asap. i barely got the sleep i was used to. so when friday night came, i was to excited to catch lost zzzzzs. unfortunately though, i had to wake up at 9am for my dental check-up. =( wasn't able to catch a doze in the afternoon too, since we had to attend a birthday party (children's ah) at fun farm at the sta.elena lot in cabuyao. will post pics later, hopefully. =) finally, had my "pitless" sleep saturday night and till 10am of sunday. but the ecstatic feeling was cut short by two contracts for review and two case briefs due monday.

i ended up with an hour's sleep.

consider that as a statement of fact and not a complain whatsoever. =p

day one

16 october 2006. new job. new home. hello, ortigas!!!

arrived at the office around 8:45 am. had my tour at the office with forever roomie tria. was introduced to people in the office: otchie, mike, willie, kat, joy, irene, dan, froi, dennis and SAS... got my work assignments a few hours after lunch.

finished one before heading to the bowling center at starmall. yeah, my first day coincided with the 2nd bowling tournament of the office. met bom as well, a former associate of the firm. she joined the blue team. there were 5 teams in all - yellow, white, red, blue and gren. luckily, my teammates from the yellow team ---fav, kat and willie, are really good at knocking the bowling pins down, puro sila spare, ako puro canal. hehe. buti na lang may isa akong spare! hehe... we won!!! each of us were given spa GCs as our prize! hehe =)

had fun the first day. im crossing my fingers that i be able to "deliver" the following days, wag canal ah. =)

?

ambagal naman niya magrefresh =(

happy birthday roxanne acuña feliciano

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOKTI!!!

thanks so much be for all the wonderful pieces of advice that you have given me through all these years. may he finally find you and shower you with so much affection yung tipong abot hanggang sukdulan, hehe =)
love ya be!!! till the last drop of my blood! eewww...
mwamwa!

old pix =)

for the benefit of those na inindyan ako. hehe...la lang =)

MAY 13, 2006

(five months ago)

asan ako dito? hehe... ang binagyo kong thanksgiving dinner =)

roxanne, jen, milen, maan,
arvin, and marvin

my UP Sandigan friends... blue, twinx, maui, alisher & ivan

meet my college bespy
atty. jessica vitug

beda friends... don, moi, ann, atty. eric, ethel & atty. azela

pa-candid shot pa kuno...

1-J blockmates...eric, bumbo, joyce, moi & my bf, hehe, joke, si manong po kasama ni bumbo =)

sila ulit =)

ay masayang-masaya sila =)

the porkies, hehe...
tita miles, moi, yen & ate

with the lasan family...
tito, tita & baby cha =)

uwian na! tnx guys for comin'... and bravin' the storm!

sa uulitin...sa wedding ko! hehe =)

thanks so much =)

highschool stuffies

picked this from friendster =) seems qt naman =)

>>>nicknames in HS: tinay

>>>clubs/organizations: children of mary, swan (school paper), yun lang =)

>>>ano-ano ang usual topics of discussion w/ ur friends? baka sino-sino, hehe

>>>favorite tambayan/s? dunkin, mr.donut, roxanne's house

>>>favorite merienda/lunch? merienda, ham & cheese sandwich... lunch, ala po

>>>hobbies sa classroom? mag-ingay at magsita ng nag-iingay =)

>>>ano ang kadalasang ginagawa mo after dismissal? exchange chika, a.k.a. tambay, "simoy", kumain =)

>>>nag-dissect ba kayo? luckily, nope

>>>sumasali ka ba sa quiz bees? hehehe, tell me about it

>>>eh sa sports activities? lampa po ako =)

>>>favorite subject/s? physics, filipino, pe!!! (not that i enjoy the subject itself, masaya kasi, hehe)

>>>favorite teacher/? mrs.ricamonte =)

>>>hated teacher/s? entire faculty with the exception of my favorite teacher! hehe

>>>ano rank mo sa CAT at the end of the year? ay CSGT po ata

>>>sino corps commander nyo? alex lasan

>>>favorite field trip? 4th year =)

>>>kamusta naman ang prom? is it in reference to the dance, the song or the food? anyway, all three naman are funny, note ha funny not fun-filled, hehe

>>>san kayo nag prom? =)

>>>may ka date ka ba nung prom? 4th year, yup

>>>masaya ka naman sa college school mo? highschool is a lotta diffrent, but i was happy with how my peyups days went

>>>most memorable HS moment?
1.) graduating without honors and my mom and dad not attending it
2.) irking the hell out of my teachers (they're so pissed with my lovelife e,hehe)
3.) fallin in love
4.) fallin deeply in love
5.) gettin really hurt =)

>>>given the chance to relive your HS days..ano babaguhin mo? be less uptight and be feisty, esp with what i was fightin for, i.e. my beliefs, principles, school governance...

>>>what items from the present will u bring w/u? si shaggy dog saka yun sra, hehe

>>>did you enjoy high school? sure was fun! that i enjoyed it would be an understatement!


I AM TAGGING...
maan, niq, demz and gen =)

my current fave...

inspired by my chat with ethel the other night... here's my song for... =) go guess!
listen to this


PARA SA AKIN
by: Sitti
from the album: Cafe Bossa

Kung ika’y magiging akin
Di ka na muling luluha pa
Pangakong di ka lolokohin
Ng puso kong nagmamahal

Kung ako ay papalarin
Na ako’y iyong mahal na rin
Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin
Magpakailanman

[chorus]
Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo pang iyong damdamin
Hayaan nalang tumibok ang puso mo
Para sa akin

Kung ako ay mamalasin
At mayron ka nang ibang mahal
Ngunit patuloy ang aking pagibig
Magpakailanman

[repeat chorus]

Kung ako ay papalarin
Na ako’y iyong mahal na rin
Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin
Magpakailanman

[repeat chorus 2x]

Para sa akin

tagged by niq

long overdue na to, but, nonetheless, here goes nonetheless:


List 7 songs you like, list them up and then tag other 7 people you know.
Keep the game going!

1. C a n't T a k e M y E y e s O f f Y o u - inspired by 2 movies i love =)

2. S w a y (bic runga) - "i feel so uninspired, my head is battling with my heart, my logic has been torn apart..."

3. I n s e n s i t i v e (jann arden) - "i fell too fast, i feel too much..." - saka - "oh, you prob'bly won't remember me, it's prob'bly ancient history, i'm one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you..."

4. I D i d n't k n o w I w a s L o o k i n g F o r L o v e (indigo girls) - "i thought that love was just a fabrication, a train that wouldn't stop at my station..."

5. T r u e (ryan cabrera) - "i've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing that's true..."

6. A t S e v e n t e e n - for those of us who knew the pain of valentines that never came..."

7. Y o u D o n't K n o w M e - "you don't know the one who dreams of you at night and longs to kiss your lips and longs to hold you tight, all i am is just a friend, that's all i've ever been, 'cause you don't know me..."

i am tagging...
1. maan
2. tokti (may multiply ka di ba?)
3. yen
4. pambie
5. raissa
6. cheng
7. yette... [may gift mag-comply, hehe]

random updates

1. LEFT. got a new job. will start to pester tria and monique this 16th. =D

2. HOPING. as i have always prayed for, may i meet the expectations of the people around me. may they have patience to bear with my mediocre appreciation of the law. and may i keep up with their excellence.

3. KEEPING MY FINGER CROSSED. may our paths meet, and i hope that i won't stammer and that i'd be able to have a chitty-chat with him. (kung pwede nga lang ma-stock kaming dalawa sa lift, why not? =p) para sa birthday niya... =)

4. DISAPPOINTED. change that to DISGUSTED. was full of disgust with how things went with my former job. niq, the "doctrine of strained relations" suited my 12-day remaining stay. hell week, yeah.

5. OUTSMARTED. let me keep the details to myself. sabi nga nila, it's a disgrace to badmouth your former employer. thus, let us just put it this way - what i did was the perfect manifestation of the saying, "do not get even, get ahead." [insert evil laugh here]

6. FURIOUS. pretty face invited me to be a part of her friendster network. same with maan, milen and jen. being the amiable, charming girls that we are (do i see arched brows? hehe), we approved her invitation. if i am not mistaken, a day later, pretty face sends a message through my friendster account telling me that i am getting fat (ah, make that FAT, she encoded all three letters in caps) and asking the obvious - that i am still without a boyfriend. tried to be calm about it. won't stoop down to her level. yoko pansinin na, she might think she is too relevant a creature to be worthy of my attention. however...

7. RAGING MAD. a day after, maan called me telling me that pretty face wrote a comment at our group pic at milen's friendster account. only milen was spared from pretty face's panlalait. definitely, she doesn't have any idea who she is messing with. i was sooo mad. tapos it's discernible naman that it may not even be pretty face talaga. with that, i posted an entry at my friendster blog. don't she dare mess with me again. or else...extra-legal means na to. =D

8. EXCITED. in about two weeks, my fwens and i will be witnessing the wedding of jen. the fwens' first! =) out-of-town pa so the excitement is doubled. prob is, we are still "attire-less." =p gotta hurry na talaga and pick the perfect dress.

9. UNDECIDED. heard that slimmer's has an ongoing promo. sorta "buy 1, take 1." maan is urging me to avail of that promo. still undecided - kayanin ko kaya with my daily "journey"?

10. DAZED. i used to ignore his presence back then. let's just say that i was too involved with ex. he's just so kind, so warm a friend, so manly. guess "familiarity breeds contempt" talaga. contemptuous kasi if i let myself take the plunge! hehe... let me just enjoy the moments stealing glances at him, or be mesmerized by his voice, or get flushed whenever our eyes meet... so juvenile no?! =)

to leave or not to leave...

in a few hours from now, i have to dish out one of the toughest decisions i'll ever make in my life.

this is what i wanted. but that was before, long before i had experienced sweet life, meaning, being compensated without working your ass off - not in that way that i expected. this was what i wanted, long before i have given up on the idea that there could be "us".

i tried weighing the advantages and disadvantages, as most of my friends advised me to do. each has its own setback. yeah, perfection exists only in our imagination.

i went to the place where i can usually collect my thoughts and listen to what He wanted. it's so tiring to think about what you wanted when you know that there is always the possibility of falling flat on the ground. in the serenity of one of my favoritest chapel, the sto nino de paz chapel at greenbelt, i found myself walkin towards the confessional room.

after going through a monologue of the manifestation of my weaknesses, i asked the priest if i could ask for his advice. then it went on, as simple as, "father, what will i do? there is this job offer that i have to immediately decide upon, whether to accept it or not. i am confused and would want to know what God wants for me." his answer hit me bullseye - "your happiness is all what God wants for you. He just wanted you to be happy." swak!

where will i be happy at? i really do not know. i have my career plan set but i do not really know where my happiness lies.

to the point of being makulit, i asked the priest if asking signs from God is effective or just a plain hoax. he said that i could ask God, but, "sometimes, the signs are all there but we choose to ignore them."

i prayed really hard, hoping that the homily would show me the "sign" but to no avail. same with the communion hymn. and i asked God if it rains tomorrow, such that there is a necessity for my umbrella to get drenched, on my way to the office dapat ha, it's a sign that i have to leave my present job.

went home and mom told me that signal number 2 is up, "may bagyo daw". does that answer my question then?

i do not know. 60% wants me to stay. 40% wants me to leave. will it rain tomorrow morning? will it affect my inclination towards accepting the offer? haay. my quest for happiness...

and i am reminded of what the old man told santiago in paulo coelho's the alchemist,
"To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation... And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

all my prayers...

happy anniversary!!!

tomorrow (2am na pala), september 3 marks the first day of the 2006 bar examinations. lots of friends will march down the aisle of taft clutching years of burning the proverbial midnight lamp.

one year na pala yun. last year, i just wanted to die, disappear or ask the earth swallow me. friday i was still inching my way to finish poli. snail's pace pa naman ako. i was at the dorm with jen and tria. barely slept for days pero there was a thin air of excitement amidst the sleepy, bonked out feeling. saturday naman, just our luck, nawalan ng water sa dorm. just imagine. i hate it pa naman pag di okay ligo ko pag may exams kaya the moment we stepped in our room at hyatt, "full" ligo agad. i now feel glad looking back and reminiscin ~ the kfc lunch which was barely digested, the tear-jerking mass officiated by fr. rector, the send-off, pav's good luck pat, the flowers given, the scary exodus to hyatt. hay, parang feeling mo binabala ka sa gyera!

this year, let me offer my sincere prayers to my friends na pambabala na din sa kanyon ~ jen, ethel, carol, rica, pam, nina, pochie, cheng, yuri, kaloy, wendy, george, raphy, brandon, my orgmates, bedan barristers, and all those whose names escaped my mind... God bless po. here's a worn-out but always an effective tip, raise all up to Him, grabe memory Niya, promise. =)

p.s. ilan kaya magrered out of the 6thou plus barristers? =p

low batt

tired.

manifestations... my back aches, my neck always has a tendency to marry the adjective "stiff" and i badly need reese's. and yeah, a massage will do.

yesterday, got the scrimping out of my system and shelved a hefty sum for some facial treatment, a haircut and some protein treatment to go with it. the facial felt good, aside from feeling loads of dust and dirt off your face, there's that liberating feeling in shedding tears caused by physical pain =D. the hair stuffies went as well too. if anyone out there would want to try a new hairstyle for a fairly decent amount , visit f-salon at greenbelt3. ok dun, promise. =D

september 1 naman was my niece clarisse's birthday. happy birthday to our dear boomboom!!! didn't report for work. hehehe. bad? nah. la naman ako due. that i made sure of. bad thing though, i have a miranda priestley for a boss, the male version, hehehe. i enjoyed watching devil wears prada, as in! haven't had the chance of reading a copy of the book though. =( kala ko kasi pag lawyer ka na, you can read loads of non-law related books. hmpf, di pala.

watched a local flick last tuesday too - you are the one, which stars Sam Milby and Toni Gonzaga. enjoyed watching it with my sister and my fwen maan, not because twas kilig but for the reason that it was funny,as in (kaso kasi mababaw lang po kaligayahan ko, hehe). stress-reliever din to an extent, parang the movie that maan and i also watched, sukob. it's not really scary pero sobra magugulat ka. was like a freak shrieking, hehe. by the way, i watched it twice with maan tapos again, with blue and maui. still screamed during the second and third time i watched it. =) [mau,blue and twinx: will post our two million worth pix next time, promise!)

went to the mall pa din kanina (september 1) to buy clarisse a birthday gift. that after my torture session with my dentist. =) was supposed to buy havaianas but chose waigu instead, para kasing mas feminine yung dressed-up flipflops kesa sa rubber lang. sana lang okay kami . =)

will not be sleeping at home tomorrow, a first after many months na. bar ops na...

if you forget me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists:
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

-- Pablo Neruda


~~~ i hope you will be able to listen to madonna's rendition, ay, makes me wanna wail!

happy feast day!

belated greetings to my dearest dearest saint clare of assisi!!!



yesterday was her feast day. i don't know whether it was her birthday, or the day she died or the day she was canonized - all i know is that this is one of the rarest moments that i get to show her how i truly value her.

she has always been there for me. i can't exactly recall how i got to know about the monastery in cubao. katipunan simply meant pigging out with blockmates or purchasing school stuffs at national bookstore. all i remember is how st. clare has helped me for a decade now.

from math 17 (algebra and trigo combined) to math 100 (intro to calculus) ~ both becoming doubled figures (sorry im such a loser when it comes to numbers), to four econ subjects ~ ah, we've been through it all. and of course, the friendship grew deeper as i was thrown to san beda law. law school sure is though. st.jude provided me with much needed support - but, st.clare's comfort (probably because we are both girls) is whole lotta different. thank heavens for the lrt-line2, it's much accessible going to katips to visit her and deafen her ears for my persistent pleas of lettin me pass this subject, or increase my QPI, or finally allowing me to graduate in beda. then of course, the bar exams was a big ordeal for the two of us. she has to bear with my pangungulit for months - prior to taking it and after going through it (bloodied, may i say!).

not only did she came to my rescue with all the "academic-related" favors that i ask of her, she was also the one who interceded for my family and i during those moments that daddy had a massive stomach operation in 1999 and mom had a hysterectomy just last year. dad's operation, by coincidence or i don't know, was scheduled the same day that her feast is being celebrated. dad had gallstones removed at a nearby village's hospital which isn't supposed to be as complicated (were it not for the fact that not all doctors are brilliant). however, we have to rush him to specialists at makati med to 'correct' the mistake that was committed by the local hospital. he was in a real critical situtation then but st.clare helped us ask God for an extension of the lease of life. dad's in good shape now. mom on the other hand, had to undergo an operation for the removal of her uterus. since i was taking the dreaded bar exams september, we prayed that the doctor will forego the operation for october (she had herself checked august kasi). she had a smooth operation october last year at asian hospital. st. clare from then became a "family friend."

i left office early yesterday to attend the mass and see my 'favoritest' saint on her day. met with my sister at her office then proceeded to the really crowded monastery. it was a surprise to my sister (she said kasi on ordinary days that we've been there, di ganun kadami ang tao). last year of course, i brought jen and tria with me kaya i expected that it'll be the same this year. true enough. and i was so happy to attend the mass, greet st. clare personally and finally ask her for something the two of us have long disregarded. =D

again, happy feast day st. clare! thank you not only for the answered, unanswered and yet-to-be answered prayers, but more importantly, for listening to me and bringing me back to Him whenever i get lost! i love you. =D

by the way, here's her lifestory!

Saint Clare of Assisi
By Rev. Rebecca

"O blessed poverty, who bestows eternal riches on those who love and embrace her!"

Saint Clare is one of the Church's holiest and most beloved saints. She was the first female follower of Saint Francis of Assisi and may have been the one who best understood and followed Francis' vocation, spirit, and way of life. Francis and Clare had an enduring relationship of mutual support and care.

From a young age Clare was pious and spritually astute and was known to give away her father's possessions to the poor despite being chastised for it. At the age of 12 she heard Saint Francis preach and aspired to be like him one day, dedicating her life to God in purity and love.

As a young woman Clare met Saint Francis and told him of her desires. He believed her to have a true vocation to religious life. She told her family of her desire but they refused her permission to become a Franciscan religious and sought to dissuade her.

On Palm Sunday Clare was given a palm by the Bishop and she belived that to be her sign from God. Late one night Clare snuck out of her house and where she met Francis and his Friars. She went with them to the Porziuncola and there she cut off all of her hair, took the veil, and made her vows of poverty and chastity to Saint Francis as his follower. He placed her in a local Benedictine monastery initially where she could safely live out her vocation.

Soon her younger sister Agnes desired to join Clare in Franciscan poverty. Her family was so upset that they beat Agnes in an attempt to dissuade her, but Agnes ran away and managed to join Clare despite these trials. Ironically, Clare's own mother joined the Order when she was widowed many years later.

Clare and Agnes longed for a community of their own and soon Francis made preparations for them to move into the Monastery of San Damiano where Clare was made Abbess. They organized their lives around prayer, work, and holy poverty, living only on alms. St. Clare drew up a Rule to live by as more and more women began joining the community. The Order was named the "Poor Ladies" or "Poor Clares" and soon numerous convents were founded all over the country in the Claretian tradition.

Many miracles took place among St. Clare and her sisters. It is reported that when they began to run out of oil and bread, miraculous multiplications would take place so that the sisters never went hungry. Legend has it that when Pope Gregory IX dined with the sisters he asked Clare to bless the bread. After her prayer, crosses miraculously appeared on the tops of all the loaves. When the Tartars and Saracens attempted to invade the Monastery, Clare held up the Blessed Sacrament in a monstrance and repelled them, keeping her and her sisters safe. It is also said that when Clare made the sign of the cross over ailing persons they would be healed.

Saint Clare lived a rigorously devoted life of prayer, penance, and service. She continually cared for her sisters, particularly the weak, and all those in need. She would meditate on the Passion of Jesus and pray for many hours every day on her knees. During her many hours of prayer Clare sometimes had incredible visions of the Lord and his angels.

Like Francis, Clare lived in harmony with God's creatures and had a special affinity for animals. They were drawn to her and seemed to understand her. According to her sisters, she was once in need of a napkin, and a cat, seemingly understanding her need, went and brought it to her.

After 29 years of religious life, Clare died in 1253 and was buried in the Church of Saint George. Countless miracles have occurred at her grave site and through her intercession. The Church of Saint George later became the home for the Poor Clares and a basillica and hospice were built on that site. Saint Clare's Feast Day is celebrated on August 11. She is the patron of technology.

agree with me, or else...

i so love this email sent to me by maan, a.k.a. helen. hehe! read on...

The one that got away
Source: The Manila Times
By: Mark J. Macapagal

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."

...whenever the phrase "the one that got away" flashes in my mind, no face but his bolts my senses. still him. i could only sigh.

new entry

kindly visit my poetryblogsite ~~~ rapture

eons ago...

back then...

> nbsb pa si jen
> nasa pinas pa si kaye
> bulag pa si milen kay nel john
> tokti is still into... hehe
> si maan di pa marunong mag-marimar
> tsope pa si omay (at kuripot...shucks,picture frame)
> isa pang bulag sa pag-ibig si alex
> si biboy chickboy pa
> single pa si randy lloyd
> hehe, brainy pa si don
> undernourished pa ako (sa lagay na yan)




ngayon...

> ikakasal na si jen (first among us girls)
> linilibot ni katherine ang mundo
> madami ang nabubulag kay milen (ilan ngang rounds?hehe)
> tokti hates men (kasalanan ni biboy)
> hobby ni maan magmarimar
> doktor na si omay by next year (expert na sya sa pagpapaanak...at pagtatahi, hehe)
> happy na si alex
> si biboy ka-pederasyon na (kaya siguro may beef siomai at pork siomai)
> married with a kid na si randy lloyd (too bad for him, di sa akin e, hehe)
> certified genius na si don
> of course, sexy pa din ako (hehe)

...nakakatuwa lang =D

a wedding and a baptism

just ended an unusually long chat with jen, a highschool "fwen." feels nice spending some nice talk with a more-than-a-decade-old friend and having her share with you her happiness as she's about to walk down that aisle this october.

yup yup, the (most) eligible girl among our kada will finally tie the knot. who would ever thought that she'd be the first. aside from kaye, jen was the last who had a boyfriend. jen was the most masungit to boys among us, despite being the most attractive. i remember during college, xan and i even had a bet on who between jen and kaye will be the first to have a bf. [which reminds me, ei tokti, where's my ice cream? =D ] now, she is the first among us girls who'll take that "road we desire to travel." we wish nothin but the best for our dear jenpot. =)


let me also wish the best for my inaanak, eduard rollan ravelo lapuz. a new addition to my list of cutie, charming and adorable godchildren. i only say yes to the cutie ones eh, hehe. thanks to ate ehla and erwin for letting me be a part of the dear big baby boy's life. last sunday was baby's baptismal and ninang was so sorry that she ran really late.

hail to the blue eagles

in a day, a prey was doubly killed by two predators - fierce eagles. the first one whom the prey took in as someone she can have a peaceful coexistence with did not even recognize her and tore her heart, feasted on it. the second one, sumptuously devoured her, her being, her faith on herself.

let us just say that the prey was resurrected and vowed to finish off that specie of predators. given the right opportunity, she will. not vengeance will be exacted. but justice. if these predators think she is one feeble half-bred fighter, they should think twice. not in this lifetime will they ever be successful in defeating her. not in this lifetime. never.

friendster stuffies

A) LAST SONG SYNDROME
> said i love you but i lied (di ko alam why)

B) FAVORITE SONG
> sway by bic runga

C) YOU WERE LAST SEEN AT?
> San Beda (st. maur's)

D) LAST PERSON YOU'RE WITH?
> yayo, eric and jp

E) LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED?
> jen

F) ARE YOU FUNNY?
> hahaha! go see for yourself

G) IM THINKIN OF WHOM RYT NOW?
> evd, pav, 8

H) WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
> to be shouted at by the judge

I) FALLING INLUV OR OUT OF LOVE
> i am emotionless right now

J) FAVORITE NUMBER AND LETTER
> 8...C

K) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
DRANK?
> last thursday, june 29

L) OBSESSIONS
> blog, reese's peanut butter cups

M) YOU HATE HIM/HER BECAUSE?
> la naman ako hate

N) YOU'RE?
> sick =(

O) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU GOT MAD
AND WITH WHOM?
> m, she didnt follow instructions and wasnt careful with her work

P) HE/SHE MAKES YOU LAUGH BECAUSE?
> who's he?

Q) YOU HATE BEING?
> compared with another

R) YOU LOVE TO GO TO?
> salons!!!

S) DO YOU CRY OVER BOYS/GIRLS?
> i did

T) YOU______ WHEN SOMEONE GETS 2 UR NERVE.
> keep quiet and walk away, out to munch a choco bar.

U) YOU LAUGH AT SOMEONE WHEN?
> they fart nonchalantly

V) MY FRIENDS AND I LOVE TO?
> just talk...

W) TOP 3 DRINKS YOU LIKE?
> gatorade-grape (morning fix), rhumba coffee-based frappe (discontinued pa din ba?) and sarsi (hehe)

X) PERSON YOU WANT TO BE WITH?
> di ba pwede persons??? pav, evd, 8

Y) FAVORITE COLOR FOR A GUY/GIRL
> pink

Z) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRied?
> june 22, got drunk

SMILED?]
> hours ago

jurisperitus

had an early day today. much as i want to, i cannot extend my peaceful coitus with my bed. i have to go to beda and distribute our batch yearbook to my classmates. i was sooo late, as in, sobrang late that i treated na lang the press' messenger to lunch. i did not anticipate that traffic is that bad on a saturday morning (along ssh). a number of my classmates were waiting for me when i boarded off the cab. hehe. and they swarmed at me like flies the moment i received the yearbooks from mr.messenger. sobrang kapagod. started at 11:30AM, had lunch at 2:00PM and went off at 5:00PM. dinaig pa ang paggawa ng pleading sa kapaguran.

twas nice seein again those people with whom you shared many scaredy "due" days, cramming season, bokya recits. ours is a small batch (usual for the "traditional' beda system), with 75 people all squeezed in a huge room. no wonder, we are that united (to the point of opposing angas profs and issuing our own manifesto). and as i scan the pages of our dear "jurisperitus" (beda law's yearbook was titled as such since 2003), though i had memorized each and every line thereof and all the pictures therein, i couldnt help but get nostalgic. those were really the days - when the only thing that scares us are recitations, ngayon judges na. hehe. everyone has evolved a lot (yuck parang mga primates, hehe). each has his own story to tell about his/her first pleading or appearance in court. each recounting that law school is indeed far better, and happier.

what probably made me all the more poignant is that i wasnt able to fulfill a promise to myself to express my gratitude to certain professors who contributed a lot in my passing the Bar. first in the list is atty. albay-que who was my professor in persons and family relations, obligations and contracts and labor standards. with my UP-acquired skill in plotting skeds (and guessing prof line-ups), i deliberately chose her class no matter how hellish my life will be, i didnt care. all i want is to learn and her strictness is compatible with my "you're-lenient-i'm-complacent" lifestyle. birthday pa naman niya last week. =( i could still remember her shrill voice, her famous advice to us her girl students "never marry a peter pan," and of course, on a personal note, the way that she addresses me (from ms.constantino to cristina to cristine and tin, later on) to the extent that my friends would tease me as an "albay baby." not that i was her favorite, na-bokya din ako sa kanya. she is a fair prof, plays no favorites. she took the bar really sick, with dextrose and all, and placed tenth. my idol.

then of course, there is our vice-dean, dean navarro, a civilist. sobrang galing. he almost placed first when he took the bar, kaso the first placer (an atenean) was an inch ahead of him due to a question about succession. ironically, dean navarro's forte became succession, a subject which he has taught for years in Beda. third si atty. arcilla. fourth si atty. aquino. ay dami pa, promise.

it's as if beda has turned into a ghost town. really sad. though of course, i remain hopeful that the roster of new profs will continuously make bedalaw the best law school...in mendiola. =)

reminiscent of the past na nga daw talaga our yearbook. collector's item. hehe. we should have titled it instead, "those were the days, the heydays of beda law."


p.s. anyone who has read the article published last saturday (june 24) at the philippine daily inquirer can relate as to what my ka-dramahan is all about. =)

i started a joke...

tomorrow marks my first "monthsary" of being a certified member of the proletariat. =)
i was teased to no end by the firm's junior partner that i ought to treat them. i joked, "inuman na lang tayo sir." and so, when our bossing arrived, the joke materialized. imagine, we left the office before 5pm and trooped to IO just as it was about to open and had a "round" finished at 5:15.

ours is a small firm, but says boss, "considering the clients and cases we handle, we can assume it's medium-sized." basta konti lang kami, promise. to top it all, i am the only girl among those litigation veterans. the baby of the firm. hehe. sila may sabi nun. (not until i proved them wrong last night as i matched their "drinking prowess," hehe)

had a really nice dream. hay, sana totoo yun.

our yearbooks will be distributed tomorrow din pala. as the EiC, i felt really relieved. s*it, did i mention that i wasnt able to get a job because of "my duty to my classmates"??? aside from, well, according to niq, i was picky.

everythin ok, well, except that my head's about to explode (masamang hangover) and i have a hearing to attend to in a few hours. tsktsk. bad joke.

insert smile here

me back...

... with a vengeance.

hehe, wish ko lang! i imagine myself (with respect to my blog) as jestoni alarcon in the old flick by seiko (if it's from seiko, it must be good! lol)huwag buhayin ang bangkay.

barely remember (translate "barely"! hehe) when i last checked my blog account. not that i had no net access back then, 'la lang. nawawala ang mga musa.

hell now im back. (bloghopper, if any: "eh ano naman sa kin?")

alex

[l-r: arvin, milen, maan, randy, =D, alex & roxanne]

happy birthday to this friend who has made God really proud with how he has spent his life on earth. love you lex and we all miss you so much! i know how happy you are right now.


p.s. birthday greetings to tita, as well. =D
bakit ba ang cucute ng april celebrants? ahehe...

my wishlist [part 2]

1. for dad and mom – best of health and longer lives
2. for ate – the one that I wanted her to have
3. for clarence – a medal at school and a train ride to all three trains in the metro
4. for clarisse – sped learning environment
5. for our househelp monette – for her to see angel locsin in person [and meet her father as well]
6. for roxanne – a special guy to knock her off her feet and pangsopla to royd
7. for maryanne – the wonderful gift of “amnesia”
8. for kaye – her knight in shining armor
9. for arvin – his own precious love to be with him in our absence, hehe
10. for jes – someone who deserves her love
11. for dred – a wonderful future for her family, esp to my dear frances
12. for mae – a great family of her own in the future [and a great wedding, too]
13. for jen olba – to outshine everyone this September
14. for ethel – someone who’ll see how wonderful a person she is, and appreciate, and treasure that
15. for tria – someone to replace “d” in her heart
16. for joyce – her own foundation to help less-privileged persons
17. for carol – continuous strength of spirit and the best she deserves
18. for kuya allan – someone to make him happy
19. for elluz – angel locsin, hehe
20. for alisher – ma’am ruth lusterio, ahehehe
21. for joey – a woman to inspire him and recognize the value of his sense of humor
22. for randy – a healthy junior =)
23. for pong – that he may come to his senses na, ahehehe
24. for my grandparents, alex & ma’am lucy – bliss of heaven
25. for ocho – maging friends kami
26. for cinco – “makita” man lang nya ako, hehe
27. for PAV – for him to realize that I am worth his love =D

to my dearest friends jen casimiro, milen, cleo, ate eloi, joan cha, monique and portia, since sobrang blessed na kayo, la na ako maisip wish pa for you eh. Hehehe…

my wishlist [hehe]

Dalawang tulog na lang, birthday ko na! Yey! =D

This year’s a whole lot different for me – I have been blessed with so many things I find it really nakakahiya to ask God pa for more. However, since God naman is so magnanimous, let me abuse that kindness of Him na lang. Hehehe…

Hence, inspired by dear nikay’s wishlist, let me dish out my version din – and since I am more “makapal” than anyone else in the whole wide universe, I made twenty-seven wishes na din to match my years of wonderful existence on earth. Here goes:

1. pda
2. cd of the best of bukas palad vol. 1 [visit this]
3. cd of lauds [visit this]
4. copy of the movie bituing walang ningning
5. copy of the movie dahil mahal na mahal kita
6. mernel’s chocolate cake
7. red ribbon’s tiramisu meltdown or goldilocks’ choco mousse
8. 27 pieces of reese’s peanut butter cups [bwahaha]
9. trench coat – khaki or black [kasehodang napakainit sa pinas]
10. maningning miclat’s voice from the underworld
11. really cool pencil case [yun maraming pinipindot]
12. carebears na stuffed toy
13. parrot or mynah bird
14. big black tote bag
15. dress watch
16. photo ops courtesy of ariel javelosa
17. one-year subscription of kerygma
18. spa!
19. pillows!!!
20. new monitor
21. body shop’s lip & cheek tint
22. artwork shirt [yung may kapareho ko ng smile, hehe]
23. eyelash curler [hehe, as if magagamit]
24. charles & keith pair of slides
25. professorial job [any school will do right now]
26. a decent-looking boyfriend-slash-financier-slash-slave [hehe]
27. a decent paying job

p.s. for more details, do not hesitate to ask me okay! Hehehe…

happy birthday byko!

last saturday, april 22, was my baby clarence's 7th bday! happy birthday baby!!!
i love you so much!!!

tagged

t E n 2 o N e

TEN men you find sexy:

:: Brad Pitt [oh I so love him sa Troy]
:: Keanu Reeves [his eyes are so sexy]
:: Matthew McConaughey
:: Wendell Ramos
:: Kim Rae Won [Plum Blossom, hehe]
:: Kwon Sang Woo
:: Benjie [di naman siguro sya magagawi dito no? hehe]
:: Cinco
:: Ocho
:: PAV

NINE people you would invite to a special party:

:: Justice Callejo [though iniisip ko pa kung papakainin ko sya]
:: Madam Auring [to amuse J. Callejo]
:: Tim Yap [para kunwari sosy party]
:: Fr. Arnel DC Aquino, SJ [for the serene music]
:: Retired Justice Cuevas [insights on litigation]
:: Nitz Miralles, the tabloid columnist [for the showbiz chismis]
:: Fanny Serrano [para papamake-up ako]
:: Ariel Javelosa [for the pix, gusto ko yun slim angle, hehe]
:: PAV [pa din, hehehe]

EIGHT sure-fire ways to get your attention (positive and negative)

:: + Brit accent
:: - sfeech depek
:: + amoy bigtime (hehe)… hugo scent
:: - sibuyas na naging tao… “the” smell
:: + men who give alms, esp to blind people [yung sa landmark]
:: - overly exagg people who think they’re God’s greatest gifts to the entire mankind
:: + people who make the sign of the cross or carry a rosary
:: - murderers of my stiletto/slipper-clad toes

SEVEN pet peeves:

:: sobra umutos, “pus people”
:: people who look at you from head to foot, as if…
:: mga pumipilit kumain ako ng gulay [unless siya nag-treat naman di ba, iba yun]
:: people who do not know the concept of “appreciation”
:: war-freak common carrier drivers
:: people messing up with my stuff
:: kapamilya [hehehe]

SIX women you look up to:

:: Mama Mary --- res ipsa
:: Mommy --- with the strength she has raising me…operative word: raisING=D
:: Saint Clare of Assisi --- love ko talaga sya
:: Roxanne’s ate, Rafela “Ate Ela” Feliciano --- a marvelous creation of God
:: Prof. Clarita Carlos --- my Pol Sci prof in UP, ubery smart grabe
:: Teacher Carl Sacris --- my Special Education 101 prof, galing sobra

FIVE random things about you:

:: I don’t like gravy on my chicken.
:: My hands get stiff if its helly hot, actually kahit sa mall [SM in particular].
:: I scrimp on flashy attires but spend so lavishly on food.
:: I am so jologs a person and I’m proud of it – I love reading tabloid newsies and watching tagalog movies whether on big screen or at cinema one.
:: I am not good in crossing streets [despite being a Mendiola/Legarda baby] pero I hate naman footbridges [feeling ko I’ll die any moment].

FOUR most romantic songs (music):

:: Fin’lly Found Someone
:: Longer
:: Panunumpa
:: Sana’y Maghintay… hehehe

THREE places you want to take a vacation in:

:: Rome
:: Lourdes, France
:: any place sa South Pole, yung may penguins! hehe

TWO turn-ons:

:: good command of the English language, writes poem is a good bonus
:: gentleman

ONE unforgettable moment:

:: march 30, 2006

sana...

...magkasundo na ang mga tao
...wala nang gulo kahit saan
...wala nang negatibong emosyon na papailanlang

...malaman ng mga tao ang kanilang halaga
...maging madali na malaman nila ito, upang di tuluyang malunod pa
...maisip ng bawat nilalang na kay dami pang kailangang tahaking landas

...muling makatayo ang mga taong nadapa dahil sa tadhana
...maramdaman nila na nakasalalay lamang ang mga palad ko sa pagbangon nila
...maibahagi ko sa kanila ang aking sarili, maibsan lamang ang pait na naranasan

...mabigyan ako ng pagkakataong masilayan siya
...mabigyan ako ng pagkakataong ni silipin man lamang niya
...sa akin niya nahanap ang kaligayahang tila natagpuan na niya

...ganun lang kadali ang mundo - ang umibig, magmahal at kumawala dito
...hindi ganito kahirap tawirin ang pait ng pag-iisa
...maratnan kahit man lang ng pag-asa

...magkatrabaho na ako
...bumalik na ako sa 90lbs
...hindi na kailanganin ng expander
...mayaman ako
...makapag-outreach na uli ako
...matupad ang mga pangarap ko
...bisitahin nyo ang bagong blog ko [rapture]
...binasa mo hanggang dito

thank you [033006immortalized]

it was an answered prayer.

7:45 pm, the mass had ended. i felt so lost that only a priest could probably send me back to my senses. sure, i wanted to have a confession - but having somebody listen to my worries, fears and doubts was my primary concern. i recited the sins i have committed and finally, admitted to the priest as well that i would like to apologize to God for not letting go of whatever that bothers my mind, for feeling so afraid to loosen the grip and let Him do the works, for being so hesitant to surrender. then the priest told me that i need not be afraid. and that, if i fail, i should not regret anything. [yup, those were his exact words.] that made me shiver even more.

then i knelt down as i walked out of the confessional box. there were a few people left in the chapel. i let loose, i cried so hard because of the great fear that has engulfed me.

then i felt my mobile phone vibrated. i took a peek and saw it was jes. she works for SC justice nazario and i asked her to call me as soon as she gets the results. things went a bit blurred then. all i could remember was jes shouting, "we passed!"

the first two lines i uttered, "what have i done to deserve this Lord? how can I ever repay You?"

He was so good to me. i know myself best - and i know that i have so less to offer. i am certain of my limitations. and all i know is that, it was Him who did everything. hindi po ako ang magaling. honest. Siya lahat yun. let us just say that i was just physically present then for four sundays - and everything else came from Him.

i thank YOU Lord. my fortress. my staunch supporter. my friend.
i hope to give back everything that you have given me. all of these are Yours. this is Thy miracle, Thy victory.
congratulations Lord. i love You.

p.s. of course, Mama Mary was also there for me [Mother of Perpetual Help, Our Lady of Manaoag, Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and the Our Lady of Miraculous Medal], who, upon my pangungulit has obtained a wonderful miracle in my favor. and also, my heavenly friends, St. Clare [UP days pa lang, you have not failed me ever], St. Therese of the Child Jesus, St. Philomena, St. Mary Gorretti, St. Jude, St. Expeditus, St. Peregrine, Child Jesus of Prague, Holy Nazarene, Holy Angels and my dear Guardian Angel, Rece. mahal na mahal ko po kayo. thank you for bearing with my kakulitan and interceding for me.

p.p.s. who wouldn't forget GOD's GIFTS??? friends who supported you all the way and prayed with you...
alphabetically arranged po [according sa phone ko, hehe] =D
alisher jolejole, allan carreon, arvin gavino, atty. carrie sianghio [thanks so much buddy!], atty. dang montemayor-abas, atty. efren dizon, atty. jean pamittan [si boss], atty. jp refuerzo, atty. laida pua, atty. marie pahate, atty. monique almeida [my mentor], atty. myra bengan, atty. pam mercado, atty. ped faytaren, atty. raffy palma, atty. richmond lee, blue macalinao, brandon domingo, bumbo cruz, cha lasan, che mercado, cheng parenas [sa september, see u!], cleo [ping! thank u talaga] and brian basco,dra.weng ladero, dred velasco [all the way from dubai], aase ebreo, ate eloisa sajul, ethel [my DEAREST ethel. mwah! ill move heaven and earth sa turn mo!], evonie cajanding, jackie bautista, jenny casimiro, atty. jessica vitug [yey! congrats], joan callos, jong rodio, mary anne miranda [ang mas kabado pa sa akin], milen remolacio [hugot], miss dijan, miss laguador, nina abania [buddy!!!], pambie herrera [salamat po], pam chavez [buddy ulit!], pochie, raymond jamin, rica tugadi [double buddy! hehe, beda at sedlex], roselyn anciano, roxanne feliciano[my prayer warrior], thea albaytar, tita thelma lasan, yette galang [OO yette! isa ka talagang anghel, salamat sa yo at sa pagtitiwala], maya, the snc family. sa dami ng tao na nag-pray for me, di ba mabibingi talaga si Lord?

FINALLY many thanks to daddy and mommy, to whom i offer this wonderful present from God. i only intend to make you happy and my only goal in life is to let you experience so many great things. to my siblings, my sister in law, our angel at home, my niece clarisse and my bebe clarence, who has fervently included me in his night prayers. also to my relatives, ay dami na nito, hehe. special mention to my tita baby, tita oreng and my cousin engr. jeff realis. =) ay salamat po.

IT WAS A DAY I WILL SURELY CHERISH. A DAY I'VE LEARNED THAT TRUSTING GOD IS WORTH EVERYTHING. A DAY WHEN I HAVE EXPERIENCED THAT TRULY, GOD'S LOVE FOR ME IS SOMETHING I MUSTN'T QUESTION AT ALL. AFTER ALL, WHO IN HIS RIGHT MIND WOULD'VE GIVEN HIS ONLY SON, OR ALLOWED HIMSELF TO BE THE SACRIFICIAL LAMB - FOR ME - JUST TO MANIFEST HIS LOVE??? only God, only Jesus.

final destination

before you get pretty excited, this post isn't about that movie. this, for me, is much more scary than that. i'm feeling the chills, my heart sure wants to bail out, can't breathe well, barely slept for days now, and my reproductive system hasn't stopped releasing the unlaid egg cells for twenty or so days now. i am so scared. ammm... scared would be an understatement.

heard from the grapevine that the 2005 bar results will be out by march 30 (or 31, if the SC justices aren't done with the deliberations yet). that's like a week from now. i wasn't at all into writing this scaredy feelings but after bloghopping from one site to another, i felt this is the right thing to do - unless i wanted to die before the results are released (hmmm... gives me the idea huh!).

visited several blog sites, all written by ateneans who took the same exams i had september last year. they were all as scared as i am, except for one who i found out was the batch valedictorian (crush ko na naman niq! hehe). all three girls whose bar-related entries i read expressed the same desire that i passionately have as well - to pass the bar. all were scared, hoping for the best but expecting for the worst - and making a post-bar analysis on how they fared in their exams which wasn't, as they put it, that good. i emphatize with them.

i am so scared as hell right now. if anyone wishes to hire me as a suicide bomber, i'd go for it. if i could choose when to die, that would be now. i don't know. kung yung mga atenista na eh ganun na nararamdaman, pano pa ako na bedista lang!

add to that the icky entry in one of the blogs i visited saying that only about 13%, 800 daw, made it (prior to the SC delibs) out of the almost six thou people who took it. isn't that scare-inducing, leading you to the Q whether you think you could be included in the lucky 13%, and answering the Q yourself?! this is contrary to what my friend working at the SC texted me, na mataas daw passing percentage this year. ewan ko.

this is one of the few moments in my life when i planned nothing. good or bad, wala akong alam gawin. kahit pa nga birthday plans for myself (and my bebi nephew's), nada! one day at a time ang drama ko, so not like me.
but i am left with no choice, i know not what the future (or at least the following week) holds for me.

this entry sums up to zero. i am scared, really scared - and all that is left for me to do is pray. i have been so kulit with Kuya lately, pati kay 'Nay. baka madaan sa pangungulit. the reply i got? ala pa eh. but the Marriage at Cana, one of the Mysteries of Light, just popped out of my mind. it's the first time that Jesus had to perform a miracle, upon the proddings of Mama Mary - by turning the water into wine, the best wine served during that ceremony where they were visitors. it wasn't the right time yet for Jesus to perform a miracle, but He did. Ganun kamahal ni Kuya si Inay. sana Kuya will be touched by my and Inay's pangungulit.

to my friends reading this, samahan mo naman ako sa pangungulit kay Kuya.

waaahhhh

takot na ko sobra.

what's worse is that ako ang gumagawa ng multo ko. it all started with my classmate's email sa yahoo group ng batch. may news daw sa cebu about that-which-must-not-be-named. bad daw, so di na nya sinabi. ako naman si gaga di nakuntento. i visited pa this site kaya lalo ako natakot. at march na. may nagsabi march daw. meron din april daw, april 7 pa nga to be exact. waaaahhhh!!! mamamatay na ako sa takot! ngayon pa na nagfaflashback lahat sa isip ko mga nangyari!

which reminds me, san kaya ako magtatago pag d-day na? waaaahhhhhhh...

grrr....

Don’t you just hate…

…nosy people who suddenly appear out of nowhere only for the purpose of obtaining the latest scoop from you, as if you have the monopoly of chismis?
…insensitive creeps who, also, suddenly appear from their utopic world, just to bring down the rain on you, tell you about how fantastic their existence are and make you feel like a scum?
…more insensitive creeps who call your sickness a lame excuse, a sinister attack why you did not answer their calls?
…people who have the nerve of name-calling people whom they barely had the pleasure of knowin?
...a sibling who feels as if she is everybody's boss?
...people who only care to visit friends who hardly cared for them?
...people who gets mesmerized easily with worldly offers?
...people who promised to give you a feedback but never called?
...people who measure your abilities with a few minutes of meeting you or some queries thrown at you (worse, an IQ exam? hey i didnt earn my degrees for nothin!)?
...people who never really cared about what others would feel with the way they express themselves?
...people who are so pushover and so afraid to speak up for themselves? Like I am now.

sinong weird?

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

blogthing #1

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You give completely and unconditionally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

cocoon

i guess, for everyone's satsfaction...

just a q

i want to know how i can make this major crushie of mine fall for me...kahit na nga not that much eh. basta, at least notice me. =D

facts: i met him year 2000, 2nd sem, beda law. we became textmates [make that, i texted him first kasi i stalked on him, hehehe]. we got to talk on the phone. he's nice. one fine day, his blockmate [who was my former dormmate back in UP], K, approached me. she was in tears. she said she was afraid that this guy might be mad at him for having given his number to me. she thinks he was suspecting her to be the culprit why i got his number. i admitted to K, and apologized, that i told this guy clues as to from whom i got his number. i assured K that all will be well and that "he" will not get mad at her. i even promised that i'll stay away from "him" only to appease her and save their friendship. that day, mustering all my guts, and in the midst of my preparation for my crim2 class, i texted him and asked where he is, "we need to talk", i added.

taking a deep breath, kinalabit ko siya even if he seemed so immersed in whatever he was reading at that time. i nervously babbled my monolgue, "hey i am tin, the one who was textin you. thank you for being nice to me. however, i think i cannot be your friend anymore. let us just think that we never even met. just please don't get mad at K. don't consider me your friend na, si K na lang." he butted in that he was not mad at K, that everything's okay. i insisted however that, that his friendship with K is worth a lot. and finally reminded him to be nice to K.

after that, we would still chance at bumping each other at the library. there was even this occasion while i was preparing for the oblicon midterms, uttering loudly the hundreds of provisions, along the hallway of our lib, that he approached me. he quipped seryoso ah to which i responded oo eh, kailangan,dami pa nga eh. then i went on with my reading, and then he left.

there were various instances when he tried to greet me or smile at me, but, i stayed away, thinking it was harmful to his friendship with K. eventually though, he got the hang of it. we acted as though we didn't know each other. there came a point when i regretted having said those things and acted that way. but there was no turning back. we became colleagues in our school paper, but still, it's as if we don't know each other. if we chanced seeing each other along the corridors, it's either i or he who acts as if we were busy doing something. i think he knew i liked him. my makukulit na orgmates/friends who's a friend of his would tease us often. one of them even tried asking him for a date...blind date daw pero ako yun, hehehe. but of course, all to no avail.

until on our third year in law school, february 2003, i was informed by our common friend that he and a are now a couple. it was so devastating. especially during those times that there were pressworks where i had to endure being with him, breathing the same cold air [from the karag-karag aircon], staying awake with him til morning. then of course, uwian na, when he dashes out na lang bigla. it was so hurting. susme, may sakit ba akong nakakahawa? alam naman niya na pareho kami na southbound, na dapat man lang isabay nya ako kasi ala na ako kasabay. then the dedmahan drama went on, until he graduated.

there were of course magical moments, when we wished each other luck during our respective bar exams. but it's all there is. efren, his classmate and my good friend, once texted me (after their batch's drinking bout that night), blaming me. ako daw may kasalanan why the friendship "died." "binabati ka naman daw pala, kaw lang ang umiiwas." i texted back, "kung ayaw maraming dahilan, kung gusto maraming paraan." efren retorted, "ayaw lang maging feeling."

hay naku, if you are reading this now [as if you care, no?!], please let me love you. sige na. di naman ako mahirap mahalin. i'll make myself worthy of your affection, pwamis! di ka magsisisi! one-time lang! walang no-return, no-exchange policy! hehehe... truly! =)

issue: how can i make him fall for me, then? any suggestions? =D

the law firm

don't get me wrong. im still your regular inarteng bum. =D
i just happened to watch, luckily at that (kasi di ako nakapanood last tuesday), the finale episode of
The Law Firm. it is a reality show wherein great US lawyer Roy Black picks the best from among twelve lawyers. this is how the show was described by tv.yahoo.com:

PREMIERE DATE:July 2005

SHOW DESCRIPTION:"The Law Firm," from Emmy Award-winning producer David E. Kelley, features real lawyers competing against each other while trying real court cases with real clients -- in front of real judges and juries, resulting in outcomes that are final, legal and binding for the parties. Premier trial attorney and legal analyst Roy Black is the managing partner of "The Law Firm"; as such, Black will decide which of the twelve "legal eagles" will be eliminated in each episode. Smart, strong-willed and fiercely competitive, the attorneys work together in different teams each week, battling tight deadlines, intense pressure and even each other as they strategize and prepare and try their cases. The compelling cases range from First Amendment issues to neighbor disputes to wrongful death. Distinguished judges will decide some of the cases, while a jury determines the others. In the end, the top attorney will win a prize of $250,000.

BRIEF HISTORY:David E. Kelley, David Garfinkle, Jay Renfroe, Jonathan Pontell and Robert Breech are the executive producers. NBC yanked "The Law Firm" on Aug. 9 2005, following just two weeks on the air in which it averaged a meager 4.5 million viewers, but sister network but Bravo found a place on its schedule for the reality series.

from the very start, my bet has been Olivier Taillieu. he is sooo gwapo,
his eyes will really enchant you... hay. =) he has his own style in fighting for the cause of the litigant to which his group was assigned. suwabe. cool. so whenever he does not get "dismissed" each episode, i feel so heavenly happy talaga. unfortunately though, he did not bag the "first place." michael cavalluzzi did, my least liked and most hated lawyer amongst twelve of them. ang angas ng dating nya, as far as i am concerned ha. yeah he could be really witty at times, but real nasty, even to his groupmates.
he yells, he "bites" the others. sobrang competitive in an unhealthy sort of way.


the others are as good lawyers also. although some do not impress me that much. say regina for example, for me, she is the female counterpart of michael. annoying. ang bossy na kia (a.k.a. know-it-all). both olivier and i do not like her (hahaha! feeling close!). there are those whom i did not even notice, like elizabeth, jason and anika. although medyo striking si anika kasi she was the first one who was dismissed, or was it the asian lass kelly chang? basta yun. chris is also a-okay. strong contender. crim law ata field nya talaga. then there's barrett na parang laging windang. i also like keith, handsome din eh, but only next to olivier ha. he is also magaling and i think he and olivier make a really good tandem. then there is deep and aileen. these two complete the top four. but the first one to be eliminated among the four of them was deep. he made a really huge mistake according to roy black daw when he missed something with the direct exam ata. aileen became olivier's ka-loveteam. hmpf! i think though that she is overrated. perhaps para lang din ma-entice the female viewers and convince them na gender discrimination does not exist. dapat sila chris and keith ang kasama sa top 4 nila olivier and michael.

michael won the $250,000.00. i was not able to watch what the case was all about but i think it was, based from the evaluation made by roy black after the decision was handed, that it was michael who won. he never lost a case pa talaga, except one. olivier lost all the cases he handled. that's how brilliant he is, kahit talo sa case, roy black still found him magnificent.

sa 'pinas kaya wala nito? sino kasali? rene saguisag? kiko pangilinan? ed angara? bonifacio alentajan? billy balbastro? atty aga? raymond fortun? jpe? miriam defensor-santiago? hmmm... interesting. parang pbb na. =)

p.s. sana magiging boss ko mala-olivier. kahit di na ako umuwi ng bahay and forever sa office na lang! and please, no michaels, or worse, reginas.

happy post v-day day! [mi paborita dia]

it's over.

hehehe. feeling may relationship! anyways, how was everybody's feb14? et moi? just so glad that it is all over.

i was not so happy about having to go out on this day most lovers call "the" day. a tiring day it was, with so much people coming out from god-knows-where! ang daming tao, sobra! i was so pissed off kasi the mall's so filled with people, moreso, eewww, lovers! make that “oh-so-mushy” lovers, clutching their trophies, este, big bunches of flowers! the flowers seemed like some status symbol that i feel flaming pissed! grrr... di nyo ba alam how many flowers had to be "killed" and how much profit the capitalists got by patronizing this day?!

but i had my share of happiness though. =D

one, i had my starbucks cafe latte (i was so craving to get this hot fix) with matching cutie give-away pa ha, early in the morning! let me skip the part where i saw many messengers parading, carrying flowers which had to be delivered (umupo ba naman sa may “window” side eh)…

second, i had a wonderful mass at greenbelt's sto. nino de paz chapel. the priest was so gwapo! hehehe... the homily was really great! love homily daw yun. he mentioned three trivial things about love, as he put it. bitin muna. i’ll blog about it later na lang. it deserves an entire entry devoted to it.

and third, yipeee!!!! two packs of my favorite, REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS!
it's so sarap talaga. i bought them noh! why would i rely on someone else to purchase one for me?! hehe… anyways, the peanut butter cups taste really really superbly delicious! it has a chocolatey outside and peanut butter crumby inside! ask my good friend, ped, who shares with me the same veneration for this sweet treat from hershey's.

what a day twas...
no flowers? check!
no date? check!
happy? put a double check on that. =)

how?

i was wondering... how is it possible for a person who has loved another, moreso if the love was that intense, just simply forget the other? how does he/she do it? and move on, as nonchalantly as if there was nothing that happened.

what i meant was, this person entered into a relationship with the other, right? of course, good faith being presumed, it was all out of love. he/she fell for the other. he/she perfectly knew who this person is, unless of course, he/she was hypnotized. putting deception and all the nutty ideas aside, he/she loved the other knowing what the consequences are. and this person should at least know what is being risked, what he/she is laying down.

what am i exactly driving at? how could one person love another, then in a snap, not love that other person anymore? how is it possible? yeah, some things may change. change is inevitable. but, that person should assume that the person he loves will never be the same. he/she should have anticipated that. in the same way, he/she should have not turned his/her back on the other simply because there is a possibility that things may no longer work as he/she had expected. aren't there any way to deal with it?

i have always believed in the pinoy saying, "pag may gusto, may paraan; pag ayaw, maraming dahilan."

i only hope that people will realize that what they are dealing with are emotions, emotions that a fellow human feels and deals with for his/her entire life. and that, each action always has its repercussion. love isn't some feeling brought about by the hypothalamus. it is a decision, a choice, that one has to take responsibility for.

it just pains me that i can still feel the repercussions, and that i am still at a loss why something that was so wonderful just ended like that.

of proms and barbecues

disclaimer: no sleep + project 8 rendezvous + brainstorming + coffee = non-sensical thinking

if i am now in high school, on my third or fourth year, last night would have been our juniors and seniors prom.

it's not that we were not able to hold one a decade ago [ay, napaghahalata], it's just that this feb thing has been like one LSS [read: last song syndrome] that keeps on sticking in my mind and has brought so many eerie ghosts from the past.

it would be gory to go over the details of how our prom went. but i will! only to veer away from the debasing almost-legal-holiday-ish v-day that most filipinos fuss about... not to mention the fun of it all! so, join me as i reminisce! hey, niq, demz, jayr, gen and cleo, let's get it on!

our third year in high school. syempre, most, if not, all of us are sorta thrilled with what happens during the prom night. you know, crushes plus dances is equivalent to one splendid anticipation [o ako lang? hehe]. first timers, eh. of course, add to that the fact that it is one night when girls are supposed to do the works, make-up, outfit, poise! pretty exciting for the boys, too. it is one grand excuse to talk to a crush, dance with her and hold her hand! hehehe...

ours was not as impressive as most proms in other schools are. not even close. venue pa lang, walang ka-impre-impression! JS proms in our school are always held within the confines of our quadrangle [as in apat na sulok talaga, literally!]. it usually commences with the "march" or "parade", whatever you call it, of all the third year and fourth year students towards their 'places.' then the ceremonies start, usually prepared by monique's favorite teacher, hehe. turnover of key [susi ata ni san pedro tinuturn over! ang laki sobra! as in exag!], exchange of candles [exag, aakyat ka sa stage para lang makipagpalit ng rose sa fourth year for a candle], reading of the last will [notarial o holographic? hehehe... it's the school paper ed-in-chief with the bequests, legacies and devises...exciting on my part, akala ko nun ako na yung maria clara, hehe], and then the cotillon de honor [i was then the oh-so-unfortunate "debutant" who has to sashay with a pink gown, dancing opposite a guy monique fondly knew, tapos nag-brownout! bwahahaha!]. i believe the latter was my class adviser's way of taking her sweet, sweet revenge [love nya kasi ako, hehe!]. the experience was so horrible. add to that the "menu" of what is supposed-to-be an elegant night - barbecue, sandwich, zesto, and a piece of mentos. swak di ba! hehehe... and mind you, despite donning formal attires, the class presidents have to go to the newsroom to get the food and deliver them to their classmates. eto pa, all "prom-mers" have to eat without any table at all [lap na lang]. how classy, ei! =D

despite and in spite of all these inconveniences [a.k.a. 'sana di na lang nag-prom'], i believe that each of us still has his or her own wonderful story to tell. something that they will treasure for the rest of their lives. mine was as simple as being able to dance with a person whom at that time i loved so much, notwithstanding the fact that we have just called it off three months before the prom. the happiness was inexplicable, perhaps, it was like having a night as cinderella had.

fourth year was a whole lot different. kasi ba naman, kayo na ang siga. =) the ambiance [or the lack of it] was still very much the same [we were seated kasi on the same side as in third year]. the food that was served did not change at all, if i remember it correctly. and the music? i can still recall mariah carey and boyzIImen's voices[one sweet day non-stop] as if it was just yesterday. then there are male classmates who kept their vows to dance with all their girl classmates. nakakatuwa. but, my excitement was much bigger than the previous year. iba na po nagagawa ng may boyfriend [guaranteed dance! hehehe]. it was so magical. i don't know. i danced with the same person the previous year and yet, i was more ecstatic. =D

summing it all up, my fourth year prom has lifted my spirits way above the first one. highly inconceivable as most 'firsts' are considered better than the succeeding ones. maybe because it wasn't just cinderella's night. it was my night.

i am of the opinion that indeed, proms are one of the girls' sweetest memories in life. it is like one enchanted evening that she is bound to look back at eternally. i know not of the reason. the lovely dress? perhaps. or it was a grand excusable excuse to be intimate with thy beloved? could be. or the fun spent with friends? probably. all i know is that it is something to be treasured forever. i know. because i still do.