horror movie

the bar results for the last year's exams has just been released yesterday. of course, my alma mater fared well. my organization fared a whole lot better. and fear now starts to creep.

law school has probably caused the most fearful emotions i had since birth. it is one horrendous horror flick, "patayin sa sindak si barbara"-"the others"-and "shake, rattle and roll 1" all combined. i thought i have reached the pinnacle of it all last march 29, during our deliberations, but no. the bar exams will probably scare the hell out of me the most.

a classmate in highschool passed, three orgmates passed. it seemed that everyone i know passed. now, everywhere i go and every person i go out with, flagrantly displays their myriad expectation that i pass the bar that i will take this september. a big boulder on my head, tagged PRESSURE, all tied around it. YOU HAVE TO, no, YOU MUST PASS THE 2005 BAR EXAMS.

at its mere thought, panicky hormones flow inside my head. it has been two weeks since it was confirmed that i will graduate and i havent started yet, not even the 5%-worth subject. i know that it would be pointless to create my own monster to haunt me, but i cannot help but do otherwise. i am but a simple student, a mediocre who luckily passed the rigors of bedan teaching. and i am getting darn scared.

for a start, i would probably start to fix my schedule now. graduation is on tuesday and as soon as it has ended, it shall mark the start of my review - a grueling battle with the ever complacent self. good thing, the Lord has brought me to a better view of the matter, that i have to do well to pass, or more, even with flying colors, all because i have to prove myself worthy of _______ . and another thing, this is all what i have - in the absence of a boyfriend, or even an ardent suitor, or a requited affection perhaps. not even a luxurious lifestyle.

this is my last card. i have to give it a good fight.