and HE spoke

today is april 2, four days after the scariest day of my life (so far)... four days ago, HE spoke.

on the eve of the "judgment day," i planned on staying awake until the cocks crow on the 29th. but being really tired from having searched for the perfect graduation gift for my nephew, and aside from from the bare fact that i am such a sleepyhead, my body chose to retire - but after a really GOOD prayer which i have not had for years.

i recall Jesus in Gethsemane, praying really hard as He was coiled in deep fear of His impending crucifixion. and i was just as happy that God the Father has given His Son to mankind; otherwise, anyone would have feel really justified saying the usual after-having-sinned line, "tao lang ako." Jesus was sent to be a mortal, like all of us are, has gone through the same things we are going through. it was a deep sigh of relief that He too was like us, and that it is plausible that we could have done things His way, as He too was human. with that thought in my mind, and the "Agony in the Garden," i resolved to pray doubly hard - like Jesus has done. and it was fruitful.

back in highschool, i am involved in this religious group "Children of Mary" which has magnified the faith that my parents has imbibed in me. our adviser, mrs. lucy ricamonte (who has passed away; bless her soul), taught us that while praying we should not just do the talking. we have to be silent for a while, and let HIM speak through the heart. in highschool, i was used to praying like that. but as i have previously written, the deep faith was drowned by the spoonful of atheism and/or agnosticism dying to be swallowed whole.

having been reminded of this (i suppose, by the Holy Spirit), after muttering the fervent prayer of being able to graduate, i kept silent. and HE spoke. i was asked by HIM to look around me. i gasped at the wonderful sight of the skies, kept alive by the twinkling stars, and was amazed that it was HE who had done these. then HE told me, "if I was able to have done all these, what more can I not do?" HE was telling me that HE can do a lot of things. if He was able to create these wonderful things, the favor of me graduating on April 12 would be very easy. further, HE told me that "if I was able to sacrifice My own Son for people like I am, how much more granting this prayer?" then i prayed the prayer which i was previously so hesitant to utter (in fear that what he has in store for me is a world other than lawyering) - "i leave everything up to you, Lord."

then i dozed off to sleep.

that morning was my nephew's graduation, which has helped my really nervous entirety to keep my mind off the impending "judgment day." as the ceremonies came to an end, i wanted so badly for the world to stop turning. at 12 noon, the deliberations of the faculty shall commence.

i hardly ate, despite the sumptuous meal. as i have told my friends before whenever there is an occasion for me to turn into a nervous wreck --- "there is a sportsfest of mice off my chest and a family of butterflies, bees and all sorts of insects thriving in my stomach," it perfectly characterized how i felt then.

then at an hour past 12, i left home, to my place of solitude. i cannot bear the thought of waiting in school until the decision comes out. but even before i have finished the second decade of the sorrowful mystery of the Holy Rosary, my friend Jen [see www.feelingchinita.blogspot.com] called.

"Friend, ok na lahat tayo!"

paying no attention to what my co-passenger would think, i bursted into tears. HE spoke. and HE worked.