paranoia at its peak

fourteen days from now, my life will be decided.

to become a lawyer is not really a childhood dream in my case. it's unbelievable but my career plan when i was a grader is to become a nun. i do not know how i landed in political science in college. to earn a degree in psychology or in accountancy was my belated aspiration (it came a few months after i have taken the upcat exam). to go to law school is not a surprise to the people around me. but for me, it was.

political science is a heavy stuff that i bore with for four years. perhaps, to learn something exciting... and also to escape the probable status of being unemployed - i tried on law school. like some stiletto that would look so nice, law school is pretty much "painful" as well. my brain has earned callouses which would be a no-match to the 17 years i have devoted in school (getting to school at 3 years old). i have lost and gained a lot of things while i drove through the freaky ride.

things i lost: a lovelife (and has consistently lost), a social life (as if!), most importantly, my self-esteem. each class is a harrowing experience especially for complacent and "i-rely-on-my-logic" people like i am. from my once uber proud opinion of my self, i have developed a high quality low regard of myself.

things i gained: weight, pimples, layers of "bilbil." each harrowing class is equivalent to loads of carbo, chocolates and carbonated drinks that i have to stuff myself with - only to survive the wee hours trying to ingest as well the loads of assignment for next day's recitations.

five years in law school is something that i will always cherish. not only because of the friendships built with classmates who have witnessed the worst in me, but also it has given me the idea that i am still able of doing things - and i have done a lot of things i love. not to mention all the unrequited love that has stormed my five years in law school.

and i hope come march 29, they will allow me to mark my five year journey with a wonderful blast --- that i finally graduate on april 12, 2005 --- my only wish.