i am neither smart, witty, not even lucky. i just happen to be blessed by my Creator.
in turbulent times like these, i only attribute whatever strength i have to HIM. i find it difficult to wake up each morning knowing that my days are "numbered." plus the fact that the uncertainty grows each waking hour. and there is nothing i can do about it! i can think about it all i want but it would never guarantee a seat in the benedictine abbey come april 12. neither will it solve anything. all i have been doing for the past days is eat, tv, play with my nephew,net,clean my room - and recently, pray.
i 'was' a prayerful person. since childhood, i would write messages to God about my pets, my favorite actresses, anything i could think of. the religosity started to wane in highschool when i was beset by self-created problems. and i got really "lost" back in college when atheism is a curiousity dying to be fed. but probably, He has a way of bringing me back. I got into loads of worries with my calculi (calculus, in its plural form, hehe) and my economics classes. I don't know what brought me to Katipunan Ave. --- the St. Clare Monastery. Until now, I cannot clearly figure out how I got there; all I could remember was it turned into my refuge come examinations day. It wasn't luck i know. It was Him, with the intercession of the Blessed Mother and the prayers of my St. Clare...I passed all my subjects.
san beda law has enormously kept my faith in its pinnacle. with each uncertain, horrifying day spent, there is no one I could have leaned on but Him. and now, as I am faced with the most uncertain and most horrifying day of my life, my wall of rock, my refuge is HIM.
whenever I think about these current worry pressing my entirety, HIS figure pops out, HIS words come flashing, there is no need for worry for HE is there. As what was written in the Monastery of St. Clare, in each small thing, there is always a miracle. and i am leaving all to HIS care. I am trusting HIM that HE would bless me this small miracle, for my parents happiness and mine as well.
i am leaving all up to you now, BOSS. YOU are all i have.
1 comment:
this was my mantra during the days i was in the same situation as you right now: "i will graduate on time. God is bigger than law school."
this has also become my mantra during the review up until now... and until judgment day arrives. we may say it in a variety of words... but i know we share the same feeling of uncertainty, sometimes. but i also know that faith is the only thing we can lean on right now..
never waver.
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