lunch break

he was absent.


it's obvious, i looked for him. after the "harrowing pain" that made me hibernate for two days (well, aside from the case reports that i have to finsih), my bratty heart is back, and it would not entertain the idea of forgetting that some sparks flew for this guy. pasaway indeed.


despite having heard some chika about him and a classmate having a 'past,' here i am still stuck with thoughts of how remarkably funny, smart and irritatingly cute he could be at times. if this is some sort of a joke, it is no longer funny. the cliffhanging me seemed to fell down the abyss of the trap set by him. i am getting deeply involved with the idea of liking him - to the point of thinking how wonderful it could be if he could be mine. the other day, i watched this korean movie, ING (which i assure you is a must-see), and thoughts about him flooded the gaps of my gray matter until i slept. the guy in this movie is an ultimately funny guy (and irrestistably cutie) and i could not help but see him in this character. oh, illusions cast pain indeed.


the thought of liking him, though, gets into my nerves. though i cannot stop thinking about him, i hate the thought that i am indeed liking him and thinking about him. it's sickening. to say that i am confused would be an understatement.


so much about that for now... did i say that i asked a friend to cook up a blind date for me? i texted efie last wednesday telling him that, again, i am 'sawi' and obliged him at the same time to look for a date for me. the following day, i just realized that he and alex, another friend from Beda, were conspiring to cook up a date for me. being the imaginative (wishful desperada) girl that i am, i busied myself with 'impossible' thoughts. and now, i just discovered, through the help of another friend, Yayo, that this mr.blind date is someone from Beda as well. i have no oppositions to this idea. it's just that i wanted to start anew and being involved with another Bedista would not do any good, aside from the fact that i know this guy and he is all but a friend to me. =) true, beggars cannot be choosers but then, what is the use if there are no sparks???


which brings me back to 'mine'. and lurkily, fate has its way of teasing you. at this moment that i am encoding this paragraph, a song so unlikely for a hibernating me gets to be played in the internet cafe. and it made me smile. s**t, wag naman sana ganito --- i've fallen for you. not now. not with a classmate.


but then, i am wishin he'd be present at our next class. =)