fourteen days from now, my life will be decided.
to become a lawyer is not really a childhood dream in my case. it's unbelievable but my career plan when i was a grader is to become a nun. i do not know how i landed in political science in college. to earn a degree in psychology or in accountancy was my belated aspiration (it came a few months after i have taken the upcat exam). to go to law school is not a surprise to the people around me. but for me, it was.
political science is a heavy stuff that i bore with for four years. perhaps, to learn something exciting... and also to escape the probable status of being unemployed - i tried on law school. like some stiletto that would look so nice, law school is pretty much "painful" as well. my brain has earned callouses which would be a no-match to the 17 years i have devoted in school (getting to school at 3 years old). i have lost and gained a lot of things while i drove through the freaky ride.
things i lost: a lovelife (and has consistently lost), a social life (as if!), most importantly, my self-esteem. each class is a harrowing experience especially for complacent and "i-rely-on-my-logic" people like i am. from my once uber proud opinion of my self, i have developed a high quality low regard of myself.
things i gained: weight, pimples, layers of "bilbil." each harrowing class is equivalent to loads of carbo, chocolates and carbonated drinks that i have to stuff myself with - only to survive the wee hours trying to ingest as well the loads of assignment for next day's recitations.
five years in law school is something that i will always cherish. not only because of the friendships built with classmates who have witnessed the worst in me, but also it has given me the idea that i am still able of doing things - and i have done a lot of things i love. not to mention all the unrequited love that has stormed my five years in law school.
and i hope come march 29, they will allow me to mark my five year journey with a wonderful blast --- that i finally graduate on april 12, 2005 --- my only wish.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
15 minutes
two exams down. three to go.
i was supposed to be on my "second round" of reviewing the eight subjects for my exams tomorrow. commercial law [or mercantile law] is not my cup of tea [as if i have one, parang all of the subjects nga in the bar exams i am ignoramus of].
i was supposed to be "sleepless." but i am not. i just had eight wonderful hours of sleep.
i am just hopin that in a few hours the fright, and all the nerbyos would make me really praning so that all the adrenaline would send me back in my room...
ah, the drama that is law school.
i was supposed to be on my "second round" of reviewing the eight subjects for my exams tomorrow. commercial law [or mercantile law] is not my cup of tea [as if i have one, parang all of the subjects nga in the bar exams i am ignoramus of].
i was supposed to be "sleepless." but i am not. i just had eight wonderful hours of sleep.
i am just hopin that in a few hours the fright, and all the nerbyos would make me really praning so that all the adrenaline would send me back in my room...
ah, the drama that is law school.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
finals
| i am about to take the last final exams in my life --- God-willing. this is all i ever wanted in my life (aside from taking the bar once and passing it), and i am bargaining even my chance of walking down the aisle just to attain these two "wishes" in my life. please include me in your prayers. [p.s. ergo, i am about to commence my hibernation starting tonight =)]table id="HB_Mail_Container" height="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0" unselectable="on"> Thursday, February 24, 2005jammed head...
my mind is in a complete mess right now. with so much responsibilities to attend to, if i am not that careful, i might even forget that i have to breathe! =) exag? definitely, not for a an uber-OC person that i am. so let me take this space to dish out my thoughts...
1. Final Exams starts March 7... Problem? Loads of backlogs! And this is my FINAL chance to make myself a 'probable' candidate for graduation! Men, i really have to. With five hell years in law school, i have to get myself out of it before i turn into a whacko! I have barely two weeks to cover everything. Well, i suppose that the only way is to set my schedule straight! No TV! No surfing! [temporary cessation of business,hehehe]... Pray that I overcome all the temptations! 2. Yearbook stuffs... This has been the source of the tremendous stress in my life lately (and the reason why my mobile phone bill has ballooned to 2 kiao! hay... la naman boylet to text with... hehehe) I enjoy the work. It's just that, sometimes, lately, I am into the "pissed-off" mode lately. While my classmates spend their time mastering the assigned readings, I am swallowed open by yearbook stuffs! Sobra na akong nalalamangan. Hehe. And what do I get??? Nada. Nothing. Wala. I have never been an attention-craver kind of person; however, a simple appreciation would do. Eh ala, so sobrang pasensya na lang talaga. Even a simple "thanks tin!" wala talaga. What pains me the most is that they, all of them, treat me like a slave. Wait, boss ako dito ninyo. =) Do I have the "Everyone's Slave" tag posted on my head??? Hehehe... Nagbubruha na naman ako. Wala naman. Probably, there are just three things that I want: One, na sana naman maging thankful sila kahit konti. I am not paid for doing these stuffs, and I dont want to consider myself their aliping saguiguilid so sana na lang.... Second, sana naman all of those who imposed obligations to themselves do their part. Kasawa na mag-ask, kasawa na din mag-remind... And, sana buhay pa hustisya sa mundo. Yun lang! =) 3. My school paper stuffs... Being the managing editor, there are dirty works that I have to attend to --- our finance! Since our final exams is around the corner, I have to liquidate the recently acquired operational expenses we requested! Haaayyyy... 4. Recent disappointments pulling me down: a. I feel really boba lately. It's no exaggeration. With my ultimately magulo recitation in Commercial Law Rev yesterday, I feel like bursting into tears. Just imagine, the topic is a personal favorite [Transportation Laws]. Liability of common carriers. Got a really good foundation with a terror prof and earned an A-Ok grade and what have I done?! I babbled nonchalantly. I know the answer, the topic - by heart. But what happened? Bokya. Not that bokya according to a friend. But by my standard [with my supposed stored knowledge and the preparations I had], it was a failure. And why? Simply because I can see my crush, who was a few seats away from me, looking at me while I recite. Ma-conscious ba?!!! Basta, it's still s*itty. b. A quiz under the same subject. Question No. 2 --- What are the moral rights of an author? Patay. Did not memorize them deliberately. Men, with the boba quiz that I just had the other week where I incurred a really depressing grade. Hay.... c. Got my grad pic. Mukhang pisngi and ilong na tinubuan ng mukha. Bad. Pathetic. d. Of course, add to these the constant 'envy' and low self-esteem that I am having. When the people around you do good, you start thinking, am I really that boba? And my answer? A cold yes. And another worry... There was this rumor in class that no one failed in one of our subjects, but there were three who failed in another. And this another is where I exhibited my katangahan after a "Do you agree" question and had a poorly calculated distribution of testate and intestate shares. To you who reads this entry, please say a prayer for me --- wag naman sana ako one of this trio. Please pray that I graduate na. A really jammed head... With a stupid heart still looking at 'him' who has recently made me feel highschool-y kilig again yesterday when he placed his muscular arms around my shoulder, called me baby, got really, really close (as in sobra di ako makahinga) just because he wanted to see his grad pics which I cannot release because he has accounts to settle pa. Haayyy.. Anyone capable of chopping this head off? Thursday, February 17, 2005i concede...
today, i watched as my heart dropped..
to succumb to the call of living in a dreamland obsessing oneself with creepy thoughts of falling, haplessy, for someone i thought could have been 'mine' now remain as irrational thoughts that has once flooded my soul though the happiness has elated me lifted me high to a dimension where i would have always wanted to be at and perpetually remain though these are all the feelings that i have longed for and the only reason for the inner symphony i concede... i give up... i choose to let go... before the thud could crush the sanctity of my emotions and bury me deep down the ravine... *a mediocre's attempt to articulate the pain that she is currently going through as she learned that there was never really "mine" but only a "her" and that irrefutably this is another heartache to add to the looong list she has. Sunday, February 13, 2005kilig moments
I had a lot of HIM this week. Twas our retreat (recollection, whatever) at Tagaste in Tagaytay and aside from the really gago moments with my classmates, there were "aaawww,kakilig naman" times with MINE...
1. Tin, Tabi tayo... As I passed by his seat in our section's bus, he grabbed my left arm and said these words. Being the torpe that I am, I only managed to say, "Nyek, dun ako no, dami chibog." How kanto girlish!!! hehe.. 2. Tin, wat tym tyo alis?... Was his text message before the class met at school. I joked at my roomies that it could be probably be that you wanted to know about our wedding at Calaruega, which, earlier that day I have babbled about. 3. He sat beside me and placed his head on my right shoulder... A friend left her chair so when I came in late at the conference hall, he sat on the chair beside mine, said Hi and sleepily rested his head on my shoulder. My reaction: "Ano ka ba?!" Sabay tabig sa ulo nya. hehehe... 4. He stroked my right knee as if trying to make me laugh... During the entire talk, he was so kulit. He would ask candies, ask me about really green stuffs [gusto mo makita mga kapatid ko then pointed to his shirt with monkies drawn on it and then asked something, wag na, kadiri eh] and about really uber-y gago stuffs. Then, still making kulit, he poked my right knee so many times that I "elbowed" him. haaay... 5. Sweetheart, mamaya ha, hintayin kita sa bed ko after dinner ha... While he pressed my shoulders, massage ata yun, crushing my shoulder blades with his gigantic arms... Lakas talaga mang-asar. Hay. Ask me how I replied. "Gago." How witty. 6. Ang bango mo naman.... This he remarked after kakilig moment number 3, then I smiled... =) 7. O bakit andyan ka, bakit mo nililigawan yan?... I was chatting with another guy friend then he approached us out of the darkness. Guy friend said: "Ang bango-bango talaga ni Tin no." His answer? The how I wish he said it line. haayyy... 8. You are nice, caring and friendly and your (sic) my friend. ---- _________ We had a Team Building Activity wherein we passed sheets of papers where our names were written and each classmate should give one positive remark that they remember about us. This was what he wrote. Kakilig daw. But sometimes, I would discount this thought, he might be even putting a demarcation to where I must place myself in. hahahaha... pessimism really. And of course, I'd never forget february 4, 2005, friday... when he placed his left arm on my shoulders and said "ano na baby?!" haayyyy... pathetic. happy vday. just in case the day exists. =) bakit di na lang totohanin? [my valentine blog]
As if valentine existed...
Well, it is not necessary that there is reciprocated affection in order that one can claim participation in the much-commercialized V-day... I have every right to assert my ever-hidden affection [not Constitutionally-backed though]... And to you, MINE, the penultimate source of my glee lately, i would have sent you a bunch of flowers a la stalker, with all the balloons to match the colorful mums, and a tiny card saying, THANK YOU... But I am a classic coward lately, as evidenced by the non-existence of my vocal chords everytime you come near me. And how can I possibly offer these all if I can be caught flagrante since our seats a just three feet apart?!!! Let me settle by thanking you through my YOU-centered blog! Perhaps, it had been a lot easier really saying things through flowers and all other sorts of mushy stuffs... If only I had the guts to do so, I would have... But all the boldness that I had during college were all eaten by the monster called law school... Who would have thought that it is you that could make me cheery (and go to class) amidst the hustle and bustle of 4th year law? Who would have thought that the person who could make me smile lately was the guy whom I have considered as the King of Kadeadmahan of our batch, the very nosy and "speaker-ed" loud talker??? My 4th year life would have not been really fun in your absence [with no one to have a crushie on, for me, law school would be a bore] and i thank you for that... Sana na lang all your jokes would become true one day... Sana....
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