final destination

before you get pretty excited, this post isn't about that movie. this, for me, is much more scary than that. i'm feeling the chills, my heart sure wants to bail out, can't breathe well, barely slept for days now, and my reproductive system hasn't stopped releasing the unlaid egg cells for twenty or so days now. i am so scared. ammm... scared would be an understatement.

heard from the grapevine that the 2005 bar results will be out by march 30 (or 31, if the SC justices aren't done with the deliberations yet). that's like a week from now. i wasn't at all into writing this scaredy feelings but after bloghopping from one site to another, i felt this is the right thing to do - unless i wanted to die before the results are released (hmmm... gives me the idea huh!).

visited several blog sites, all written by ateneans who took the same exams i had september last year. they were all as scared as i am, except for one who i found out was the batch valedictorian (crush ko na naman niq! hehe). all three girls whose bar-related entries i read expressed the same desire that i passionately have as well - to pass the bar. all were scared, hoping for the best but expecting for the worst - and making a post-bar analysis on how they fared in their exams which wasn't, as they put it, that good. i emphatize with them.

i am so scared as hell right now. if anyone wishes to hire me as a suicide bomber, i'd go for it. if i could choose when to die, that would be now. i don't know. kung yung mga atenista na eh ganun na nararamdaman, pano pa ako na bedista lang!

add to that the icky entry in one of the blogs i visited saying that only about 13%, 800 daw, made it (prior to the SC delibs) out of the almost six thou people who took it. isn't that scare-inducing, leading you to the Q whether you think you could be included in the lucky 13%, and answering the Q yourself?! this is contrary to what my friend working at the SC texted me, na mataas daw passing percentage this year. ewan ko.

this is one of the few moments in my life when i planned nothing. good or bad, wala akong alam gawin. kahit pa nga birthday plans for myself (and my bebi nephew's), nada! one day at a time ang drama ko, so not like me.
but i am left with no choice, i know not what the future (or at least the following week) holds for me.

this entry sums up to zero. i am scared, really scared - and all that is left for me to do is pray. i have been so kulit with Kuya lately, pati kay 'Nay. baka madaan sa pangungulit. the reply i got? ala pa eh. but the Marriage at Cana, one of the Mysteries of Light, just popped out of my mind. it's the first time that Jesus had to perform a miracle, upon the proddings of Mama Mary - by turning the water into wine, the best wine served during that ceremony where they were visitors. it wasn't the right time yet for Jesus to perform a miracle, but He did. Ganun kamahal ni Kuya si Inay. sana Kuya will be touched by my and Inay's pangungulit.

to my friends reading this, samahan mo naman ako sa pangungulit kay Kuya.