in a few hours from now, i have to dish out one of the toughest decisions i'll ever make in my life.
this is what i wanted. but that was before, long before i had experienced sweet life, meaning, being compensated without working your ass off - not in that way that i expected. this was what i wanted, long before i have given up on the idea that there could be "us".
i tried weighing the advantages and disadvantages, as most of my friends advised me to do. each has its own setback. yeah, perfection exists only in our imagination.
i went to the place where i can usually collect my thoughts and listen to what He wanted. it's so tiring to think about what you wanted when you know that there is always the possibility of falling flat on the ground. in the serenity of one of my favoritest chapel, the sto nino de paz chapel at greenbelt, i found myself walkin towards the confessional room.
after going through a monologue of the manifestation of my weaknesses, i asked the priest if i could ask for his advice. then it went on, as simple as, "father, what will i do? there is this job offer that i have to immediately decide upon, whether to accept it or not. i am confused and would want to know what God wants for me." his answer hit me bullseye - "your happiness is all what God wants for you. He just wanted you to be happy." swak!
where will i be happy at? i really do not know. i have my career plan set but i do not really know where my happiness lies.
to the point of being makulit, i asked the priest if asking signs from God is effective or just a plain hoax. he said that i could ask God, but, "sometimes, the signs are all there but we choose to ignore them."
i prayed really hard, hoping that the homily would show me the "sign" but to no avail. same with the communion hymn. and i asked God if it rains tomorrow, such that there is a necessity for my umbrella to get drenched, on my way to the office dapat ha, it's a sign that i have to leave my present job.
went home and mom told me that signal number 2 is up, "may bagyo daw". does that answer my question then?
i do not know. 60% wants me to stay. 40% wants me to leave. will it rain tomorrow morning? will it affect my inclination towards accepting the offer? haay. my quest for happiness...
and i am reminded of what the old man told santiago in paulo coelho's the alchemist,
"To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation... And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Saturday, September 02, 2006
all my prayers...
happy anniversary!!!
tomorrow (2am na pala), september 3 marks the first day of the 2006 bar examinations. lots of friends will march down the aisle of taft clutching years of burning the proverbial midnight lamp.
one year na pala yun. last year, i just wanted to die, disappear or ask the earth swallow me. friday i was still inching my way to finish poli. snail's pace pa naman ako. i was at the dorm with jen and tria. barely slept for days pero there was a thin air of excitement amidst the sleepy, bonked out feeling. saturday naman, just our luck, nawalan ng water sa dorm. just imagine. i hate it pa naman pag di okay ligo ko pag may exams kaya the moment we stepped in our room at hyatt, "full" ligo agad. i now feel glad looking back and reminiscin ~ the kfc lunch which was barely digested, the tear-jerking mass officiated by fr. rector, the send-off, pav's good luck pat, the flowers given, the scary exodus to hyatt. hay, parang feeling mo binabala ka sa gyera!
this year, let me offer my sincere prayers to my friends na pambabala na din sa kanyon ~ jen, ethel, carol, rica, pam, nina, pochie, cheng, yuri, kaloy, wendy, george, raphy, brandon, my orgmates, bedan barristers, and all those whose names escaped my mind... God bless po. here's a worn-out but always an effective tip, raise all up to Him, grabe memory Niya, promise. =)
p.s. ilan kaya magrered out of the 6thou plus barristers? =p
tomorrow (2am na pala), september 3 marks the first day of the 2006 bar examinations. lots of friends will march down the aisle of taft clutching years of burning the proverbial midnight lamp.
one year na pala yun. last year, i just wanted to die, disappear or ask the earth swallow me. friday i was still inching my way to finish poli. snail's pace pa naman ako. i was at the dorm with jen and tria. barely slept for days pero there was a thin air of excitement amidst the sleepy, bonked out feeling. saturday naman, just our luck, nawalan ng water sa dorm. just imagine. i hate it pa naman pag di okay ligo ko pag may exams kaya the moment we stepped in our room at hyatt, "full" ligo agad. i now feel glad looking back and reminiscin ~ the kfc lunch which was barely digested, the tear-jerking mass officiated by fr. rector, the send-off, pav's good luck pat, the flowers given, the scary exodus to hyatt. hay, parang feeling mo binabala ka sa gyera!
this year, let me offer my sincere prayers to my friends na pambabala na din sa kanyon ~ jen, ethel, carol, rica, pam, nina, pochie, cheng, yuri, kaloy, wendy, george, raphy, brandon, my orgmates, bedan barristers, and all those whose names escaped my mind... God bless po. here's a worn-out but always an effective tip, raise all up to Him, grabe memory Niya, promise. =)
p.s. ilan kaya magrered out of the 6thou plus barristers? =p
low batt
tired.
manifestations... my back aches, my neck always has a tendency to marry the adjective "stiff" and i badly need reese's. and yeah, a massage will do.
yesterday, got the scrimping out of my system and shelved a hefty sum for some facial treatment, a haircut and some protein treatment to go with it. the facial felt good, aside from feeling loads of dust and dirt off your face, there's that liberating feeling in shedding tears caused by physical pain =D. the hair stuffies went as well too. if anyone out there would want to try a new hairstyle for a fairly decent amount , visit f-salon at greenbelt3. ok dun, promise. =D
september 1 naman was my niece clarisse's birthday. happy birthday to our dear boomboom!!! didn't report for work. hehehe. bad? nah. la naman ako due. that i made sure of. bad thing though, i have a miranda priestley for a boss, the male version, hehehe. i enjoyed watching devil wears prada, as in! haven't had the chance of reading a copy of the book though. =( kala ko kasi pag lawyer ka na, you can read loads of non-law related books. hmpf, di pala.
watched a local flick last tuesday too - you are the one, which stars Sam Milby and Toni Gonzaga. enjoyed watching it with my sister and my fwen maan, not because twas kilig but for the reason that it was funny,as in (kaso kasi mababaw lang po kaligayahan ko, hehe). stress-reliever din to an extent, parang the movie that maan and i also watched, sukob. it's not really scary pero sobra magugulat ka. was like a freak shrieking, hehe. by the way, i watched it twice with maan tapos again, with blue and maui. still screamed during the second and third time i watched it. =) [mau,blue and twinx: will post our two million worth pix next time, promise!)
went to the mall pa din kanina (september 1) to buy clarisse a birthday gift. that after my torture session with my dentist. =) was supposed to buy havaianas but chose waigu instead, para kasing mas feminine yung dressed-up flipflops kesa sa rubber lang. sana lang okay kami . =)
will not be sleeping at home tomorrow, a first after many months na. bar ops na...
manifestations... my back aches, my neck always has a tendency to marry the adjective "stiff" and i badly need reese's. and yeah, a massage will do.
yesterday, got the scrimping out of my system and shelved a hefty sum for some facial treatment, a haircut and some protein treatment to go with it. the facial felt good, aside from feeling loads of dust and dirt off your face, there's that liberating feeling in shedding tears caused by physical pain =D. the hair stuffies went as well too. if anyone out there would want to try a new hairstyle for a fairly decent amount , visit f-salon at greenbelt3. ok dun, promise. =D
september 1 naman was my niece clarisse's birthday. happy birthday to our dear boomboom!!! didn't report for work. hehehe. bad? nah. la naman ako due. that i made sure of. bad thing though, i have a miranda priestley for a boss, the male version, hehehe. i enjoyed watching devil wears prada, as in! haven't had the chance of reading a copy of the book though. =( kala ko kasi pag lawyer ka na, you can read loads of non-law related books. hmpf, di pala.
watched a local flick last tuesday too - you are the one, which stars Sam Milby and Toni Gonzaga. enjoyed watching it with my sister and my fwen maan, not because twas kilig but for the reason that it was funny,as in (kaso kasi mababaw lang po kaligayahan ko, hehe). stress-reliever din to an extent, parang the movie that maan and i also watched, sukob. it's not really scary pero sobra magugulat ka. was like a freak shrieking, hehe. by the way, i watched it twice with maan tapos again, with blue and maui. still screamed during the second and third time i watched it. =) [mau,blue and twinx: will post our two million worth pix next time, promise!)
went to the mall pa din kanina (september 1) to buy clarisse a birthday gift. that after my torture session with my dentist. =) was supposed to buy havaianas but chose waigu instead, para kasing mas feminine yung dressed-up flipflops kesa sa rubber lang. sana lang okay kami . =)
will not be sleeping at home tomorrow, a first after many months na. bar ops na...
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